>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE A SLATE SHOW,
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
YOU MIGHT THINK I HAVE A PET IN MY STEP, I FEEL YOUNG AGAIN
BECAUSE RUSSIA AND MARK ARE BACK TO BEING ENEMIES, SOMEONE DUST
OFF DOLPH HUNDRED GREND AND GET HIM HUNTING FOR RED OCTOBER
BECAUSE THE COLD WAR IS BACK ON THIS TIME WE WILL WATER BOARD
BILLY YOAL UNTIL HE TELLS US WHO STARTED THE FIRE, THE LATEST
TENSIONS STARTED WHEN RUSSIA MED ELED IN THE 2016 ELECTIONS AND
GAVE US ALL WHAT HIS NAME BUT THERE IS A NEW OLD SHER NIF TOWN
AND HE IS NO FAN OF VLADIMIR PUTIN.
AS HE MADE CLEAR TO GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS.
>> SO YOU KNOW VLADIMIR PUTIN, YOU THINK HE IS A KILLER.
>> UH-HUH, I DO.
>> THAT QUESTION IS SO EASY IT SHOULD BE ON A COGNITIVE TEST.
PERSON, WOMAN, MAN PUTIN KILLED THEM ALL ON CAMERA, TV.
BUT IT IS A HUGE CHANGE IN U.S.
FOREIGN POLICY CONSIDERING HOW THE PREVIOUS GUY ANSWERED THE
SAME QUESTION WHEN HE WAS INTERVIEWED BY A SEX OFFENDER.
>> PUTIN IS A KILLER.
>> THERE ARE A LOT OF KILLERS, A LOT OF KILLERS.
YOU THINK OUR COUNTRY IS SO INNOCENT.
>> Stephen: MIGHT SEEM LIKE A WEIRD WAY TO STAND UP FOR THE
RUSSKYS BUT WE ALL REMEMBER REAGAN AT THE BERLIN WALL.
>> MR. GORBACHEV, I ONCE STRANGE ELED A DRIFTER.
>> EVIDENTLY PUTIN WASN'T THRILLED WITH BIDEN'S KILLER
COMMENTS BECAUSE LAST NIGHT RUSSIA RECALLED ITS AMBASSADOR
TO THE UNITED STATES, WHAT?
WHY, WHAT ARE THEY UPSET ABOUT.
PUTIN IS NAM US FOR BEING A KILLER TRK IS KIND OF HIS THING,
ALONG WITH HORSES AND NIPPLES, PUTIN HAS POISONED INSPECTOR
SUSHI, THROWN JOURNALISTS OUT OF WINDOWS TRIED TO ASSASSINATE HIS
MOST VOCAL CRITIC ALEXEI NAVALNY BUT PUTTING THE LETHAL NERVE
AGENT NOVICHOK IN HIS UNDERPANTS, A THE CRIME SHOW
MURDERED.
HE KILLED SO MANY PEOPLE THAT IN 2017 "THE WASHINGTON POST" WAS
ABLE TO PUBLISH A LIST OF TEN CRITICS OF VLADIMIR PUTIN WHO
DIED VIOLENTLY OR IN SUSPICIOUS WAYS.
HIS GREATEST HITS ARE HITS.
PUTIN DISMISSED BIDEN'S ACCUSATIONS TELLING REPORTERS IT
TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE SO A, HE IS ADMITTING THAT HE IS A
KILLER, B, NO, IT DOESN'T.
IF A COP CATCHES YOU STANDING OVER A DEAD BODY HOLDING A
BLOODY KNIFE HE DOESN'T SAY I HAVE NO IDEA WHO DID IT BECAUSE
I HAVE NEVER STABBED ANYONE.
PUTIN WENT ON WHEN I WAS A CHILD, WHEN WE ARGUED IN THE
COURTYARD WE SAID THE FOLLOWING.
IF YOU CALL SOMEONE NAME, THAT IS REALLY YOUR NAME.
IT LOSES SOMETHING IN ENGLISH.
THE ORIGINAL RUSSIAN TRANSLATES AS I AM RUBBER, I WILL TURN YOU
INTO GLUE.
PUTIN CONTINUES TO BELABOR THE POINT SAYING THAT EVERY STATE
HAD TO CONTENT WITH BLOODY EVENTS AND THAT IF BIDEN WAS
ACCUSING THE RUSSIAN LEADER OF SOMETHING HE WAS GUILTY OF
HIMSELF.
YEAH WE ALL REMEMBER WHEN BIDEN LOST IOWA, HE PUSHED PETE
BUTTIGIEG IN FRONT OF A TRAIN.
TRUMP THE MOST CHILLING MOMENT AS WHEN HE SAID IF HE HAD A
MESSAGE FOR BIDEN.
>> I WOULD WISH HIM GOOD HEALTH.
>> THAT IS MOM I NOWS BUT THEN AGAIN WHEN PUTIN SAYS ANYTHING,
IT KIND OF SOUNDS OMINOUS.
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SUNSET.
THIS IS A MOST DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE MOUSSE I HAVE EVER
TASTED.
UPTOWN FUNK IS GOING TO GIVE IT TO YOU.
DON'T BELIEVE ME?
JUST WATCH.
RUSSIA MAY BE UPSET THAT BIDEN IS NOT BACKING DOWN AS WHITE
HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY GENERAL PSAKI EXPLAINS.
>> DOES PRESIDENT BIDEN REGRET CALLING VLADIMIR PUTIN A KILLER?
>> NO THE PRESIDENT GAVE A DIRECT ANSWER TO A DIRECT
QUESTION.
>> Stephen: I CALL IT LIKE I SEE IT, JACK, PUTIN IS A CURL,
BARACK IS MY BED BEST BUD, JILL IS THE HOTTEST TEACH IN
TOWRNTION AND EVERYONE ELSE CALLED JACK, COME ON JACK.
OF COURSE MURDERING PEOPLE IS JUST THE TIP OF THE PUTIN CRIME
BURST, IN ADDITION TO INTERFERING IN THE 2016
ELECTIONS RUSSIA HAS ALSO HACKED THE U.S. GOVERNMENT COMPUTER
SYSTEM AND PUT A BOUNTY ON U.S.
TROOPS IN AFGHANISTAN AND THIS WEEK THE DIRECTOR OF NATIONAL
INTELLIGENCE DECLASSIFIED A REPORT ON THE 2020 ELECTION
ESTABLISHING THAT PUTIN THORDZ INFLUENCE OPERATIONS TO HELP THE
FORMER PRESIDENT.
WELL, DUH VIDANYA.
THAT IT IS THE EASIEST GAME OF CLUE EVER.
IT WAS MR. PUTIN WITH THE FOX NEWS IN YOUR GRANDPA'S DEN.
ALL THAT RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION HELPED LEAD TO THE INSURRECTION
IN WHICH 100 CAPITOL POLICE WERE INJURED AND ONE DIED.
YESTERDAY TO HONOR THEIR SERVICE ON THAT TERRIBLE DAY, THE HOUSE
VOTED TO AWARD CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDALS TO THE CAPITOL
POLICE T WAS A RARE BIPARTISAN VOTE TO HONOR THE MACHINE AND
WOMEN WHO PROJECTED OUR DEMOCRACY.
NOBODY SHOULD OPPOSE THAT EXCEPT FOR THE 12 REPUBLICANS WHO
OPPOSED THAT.
HERE THEY ARE.
A GROUP OF SUPERVILANS KNOWN AS THE LEGION OF DUMB.
THE REPUBLICANS WHO VOTED AGAINST THE MEASURE CLAIMED THEY
DID SO BECAUSE THEY OBJECTED TO THE TERM INSURRECTIONISTS TO
DESCRIBE THE CAPITOL RIOTERS, OKAY, YOU DON'T LIKE INSURANCE
SUR EKSZIST-- RES HOW ABOUT NECK BIERD FASCIST NEO CONFEDERATE
TINY PENIS TREE STON-- TREASON HUMPERS, THE MOB CAME TO KILL
THEM AND NOW THEY ARE WORRIED THAT CALLING THEM
INSURRECTIONISTS MIGHT SHUTTER THEIR FEELING, I'M SAYING WE
DON'T WANT TO ALL YENT OUR MOST LOYAL VOTING DEMOS, THIS, THE
ONE REPUBLICA WHO HAD A PROBLEM WITH THE PHRASING OF THE
RESOLUTION WAS FLORIDA REPRESENTATIVE AND COVER MODEL
FOR MOUTH BREATHERS MONTHLY, MATT GAETZ, AFTER THE VOTE HE
COMPLAINED ABOUT THE RESOLUTION BECAUSE IT CONTAINED WHAT HE
CALLED EDITORIAL COMMENTS ABOUT THE JANUARY 6th SCWENS OF
EVENTS, REALLY, YOU ARE GOING TO REFER TO THE CAPITOL RIOT AS A
SEQUENCE OF EVENTS.
A NUMBER OF INDIVIDUALS WERE PRESENT SPEAKING AT A SPECIFIC
VOLUME, SUGGESTING TO SUSPEND ONE PARTICULAR OFFICIAL SOME
DISTANCE FROM THE GROUND BY A PART OF HIS BODY BETWEEN HIS
HEAD AND TORSO.
AND SURFACES OF THE ROTUNDA WERE SMEARED WITH A SERIES OF FLUIDS.
REPUBLICANS EVEN OFFERED AN ALTERNATIVE RESOLUTION
INTRODUCED BY TEXAS REPRESENTATIVE AND BABY WHO JUST
SAW YOUR CAR KEYS LOUIS GOHMERT, ONLY THING IS HIS BILL HONORING
CAPITOL POLICE MADE NO MENTION OF THE EVENTS OF JANUARY
6th.
YEAH, WHO NEEDS SPECIFIC DETAILS WHEN TALKING ABOUT HISTORY.
LIKE FDR SAID.
>> DECEMBER 7th, WELL, SOMEWHERE AROUND THEN, I'M
PRETTY SURE IT WAS WINTER BUT ANY WHO, THAT IS A PART OF THE
CALENDER THAT WILL LIVE IN INFAMY.
WHY YOU ASK?
NO REASON.
>> LATE YESTERDAY DOWN IN ATLANTA OFFICIALS CHARGES WERE
BROUGHT AGAINST THE GUNMAN WHO SHOT AND KILLED EIGHT PEOPLE ON
TUESDAY.
AND WHAT REALLY LOOKED TO BE AN ATTACK TARGETED AGAINST ASIAN
AMERICANS.
THIS HORRIFYING ACT OF SENSELESS VIOLENCE IS ONCE AGAIN SHOCKED
THE NATION.
AND LEAD TO A CALL TO RECOGNIZE AND END GROWING ANTI-ASIAN
RACISM IN AMERICA.
ONE PERSON NOT LEADING KAL CA THAT CALL LOCAL ATLANTA POLIT
CAPTAIN AND NO NONSENSE BOWLING PIN JAY BAKER, HE HELD A PRESS
CONFERENCE TO INFORM THE PUBLIC ABOUT THE ONGOING INVESTIGATION
AND WHEN A REPORTER ASKED HIM WHETHER THERE THEY WERE TREATING
THE MURDER SPREE AS A HATE CRIME, HE HAD A QUESTIONABLE
ANSWER ABOUT THE KILLER.
>> HE CLAIMS THAT THESE, ASS CHIEF SAID, IT IS STILL EARLY
BUT HE DOES CLAIM IT WAS NOT RACIALLY MOTIVATED.
>> Stephen: WELL, THERE IT IS.
HAVE YOU ANYTHING TO DRINK TONIGHT SIR.
NO, WELL, IT IS STILL EARLY BUT HERE IS YOUR LICENSE.
GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.
NOW LET'S GET YOU BACK ON THAT FREEWAY, DON'T SWERVE TOO MUCH,
YOU MIGHT SPILL YOUR DRIVING WINE.
AFTER STATING THE FACTS OF THE CASE HE WENT ON TO STATE HIS,
GONNA SAY THOUGHTS ON THE MATTER.
>> HE UNDERSTOOD THE GRAVITY OF IT.
AND HE WAS PRETTY MUCH FED UP AND AT THE END OF HIS ROPE.
AND YESTERDAY WAS A REALLY BAD DAY FOR HIM.
AND THIS IS WHAT HE DID.
>> Stephen: I'M NOT SURE WHAT HE INTENDED BY SAYING THAT BUT
IT REALLY SOUNDS WEIRD TO TALK ABOUT A MURDERER BEING FED UP ON
A BAD DAY.
I DON'T REMEMBER THIS HEADLINE ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE "L.A.
TIMES."
CHARLES MANSON GETS UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BED.
IT GETS WORSE.
AFTER THAT PRESS CONFERENCE SOME FOLKS FOUND FACEBOOK POSTS FROM
LAST YEAR BY CAPTAIN BAKER IN WHICH HE PROMOTED SALES OF AN
ANTI-ASIAN T-SHIRT, HERE IS THE SHIRT.
IT IS THE CORONA BEER FONT BUT SAYS COVID-19 IMPORTED FROM
CHY-NA.
MAYBE THIS ISN'T THE BEST GUY TO BE INFORMING THE PUBLIC ABOUT
THIS PARTICULAR INVESTIGATION.
WHEN THERE HAS BEEN AN ARSON YOU DON'T REALLY WANT TO GET UPDATES
FROM THE GUY KNOWN FOR FLICKING MATCHES AT OILY FLAGS MUTTERING
THE FLAMES, THEY ARE MY BROTHERS.
ONE THING IS CLEAR, THIS ISN'T AN ISOLATED INCIDENT.
A RECENT STUDY SHOWS HATE CRIMES AGAINST ASIAN AMERICANS IN
AMERICA'S BIGGEST CITIES CLIMBED 150% LAST YEAR WITH A SPIKE IN
MARCH AND APRIL WHEN COVID LOCKDOWNS BEGAN.
AND THAT MATCHES UP NEATLY WITH THE PERSON WHO FOR NEARLY A YEAR
DID THIS.
>> COVID-19, OR AS I CALL IT THE CHINA VIRUS.
>> THE CHINA VIRUS WITHIN THE CHINA VIRUS.
>> I CALL IT THE CHINA VIRUS.
>> I CALL IT THE CHINA PRAYING.
>> KUNG FLU.
, KUNG FLU.
>> Stephen: HE IS SCHEERLY JUST USING HATE AS A TOOL TO
BLAME HIS OWN FAILINGS ON A FOREIGN COUNTRY.
SAME WAY HE WENT AROUND INSISTING THAT PORTUGAL WAS
ERIC'S REAL DAD.
PEOPLE TRIED TO WARN THE FORMER PRESIDENT.
LISTEN TO THIS REPORTER ASK HIM DIRECTLY ABOUT THE EFFECTS OF
HIS RACIST LANGUAGE ONE YEAR AGO TODAY.
>> DO YOU THINK USING THE TERM CHINESE VIRUS, THAT PUTS ASIAN
AMERICANS AT RISK THAT PEOPLE MIGHT.
>> NO, NOT AT ALL, I THINK THEY PROBABLY WOULD AGREE WITH IT 100
PERCENT.
>> Stephen: WOW.
THAT DID NOT AGE WELL.
AND NEITHER DID THE WORDS COMING OUT OF ITS MOUTH.
NOW ALL AMERICANS, MYSELF INCLUDED, HAVE AN OBLIGATION TO
TREAT EACH OTHER WITH RESPECT AND DO A BETTER JOB TREATING
MARGINALIZED COMMUNITIES WITH THE RESPECT THEY DESERVE.
OUR FORMER PRESIDENT BEARS A PARTICULAR RESPONSIBILITY FOR
AMPLIFYING THIS FORM OF HATRED.
JUST AS SURELY AS HE BEARS RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE SERIES OF
EVENTS HE INCITED ON JANUARY 6th.
THIS IS JANUARY 6th HAPPENING EVERY DAY FOR ASIAN
AMERICAN PEOPLE IN OUR COUNTRY BECAUSE HE WAS DESPERATE TO PASS
THE BUCK, OR AT LEAST EXCHANGE IT FOR SOME YUAN.
THIS WILL ALWAYS BE PART OF HIS LEGACY.
HE WILL BE REMEMBERED AS A HATEFUL MAN WHO LEFT A STAIN NOT
JUST ON THE WHITE HOUSE PILLOWS BUT ON OUR WHOLE SOCIETY.
BY INVITING HIS MAGA MINIONS TO AN ALL YOU CAN HATE RACIST
BUFFET.
THIS WILL TAKE A LONG TIME TO REPAIR THE DAMAGE HE HAS DONE
AND I HOPE ONE DAY HE WILL COME TO UNDERSTAND JUST HOW MUCH PAIN
HE HAS CAUSED.
I'M SORRY, I MISREAD THAT.
I HOPE ONE DAY HE SITS ON HIS OWN BALLS, LIKE REALLY HARD.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, SENATE MAJORITY LEADER
CHUCK SCHUMER IS HERE.
STICK AROUND.
♪♪