[CC BY Doggy Leone - Completed Subtitles+ @brian_.merino] A 30-year-old murderer, with no new information.
It's not even that interesting. But the killer is hot.
Every 𝘕𝘦𝘵𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘹 𝘖𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭 Ever.
- Alright, what do you want to watch? - I don't know. Wanna just flip through the genres?
Uh, Sure.
- Uh... Oh, German cooking shows. - Nuh...
- Greedy reality dating shows? - Nah.
-Oooh, inappropriate adult cartoons featuring too much penis?
*wut*
-Okay, uhh...
Oh! Teen Sci-Fi shows that'll hold you over until Stranger Things comes back.
Oooh! Psychological crime drama featuring a foreign female lead with a thyroid condition.
- We're on to documentaries. - Nope.
- Oh. We reached the end of 𝘕𝘦𝘵𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘹. - That was all of them?
- Yeah. - Wanna circle back?
Yeah, sure. Why not?
- German cooking shows. - Nah.
Please just leave the office season's one to five. You can have the rest.
And she's a farmer and he's a prince.
Okay, guys! We have terrible news, alright? Stranger Things?
It's a global smash hit phenomenon.
[ 𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘯𝘨 ] No, Noooo! We only played one season!
It's okay, it's okay! Just calm down!
We just have to think. Alright? What's gonna be in season two? Go.
Uh, ahh... S-spooky... m-monster.
- Made of? - Uh...
- Smoke! - Yes! Write that down! Write it!
And- uh-uh-uhh- More!
More what?
More Elevens! Like, uh, six of them! And because it's 2019, none of them will be white.
- Okay, Six Elevens, and where'd they go? - Uh- uhh. Well they go to the Upside Down.
Again!
[ 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 ]
𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧!
Oh, sick. Another Adam Sandler movie to ignore.
[ 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘤 ]
- Hey. - Hey.
- Who're you? - I'm Casper. I'm a friendly ghost.
[ 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳 ]
But I'm also a relatable teenager with urges.
Also, I perform satanic rituals.
𝘕𝘰𝘴𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘶, horny, I'm horny.
[ 𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘤 ]
𝘕𝘦𝘵𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘹 be like; DUDU.
He's secretly a prince.
She's a divorced farmer. Can a little Christmas magic bring them together?
You listen so much better than a pig. And I'm not talking about my ex-husband.
Uh, eh, My father, who's certainly not the king of an obscure country and...
...who wants me to move home.
Oh, pigs, you're right! I have to go get him!
On Christmas.
- Sir, you're the prince. You must go get her. - King Daddy, alright.
I must go get her, on Christmas.
Oh, good luck, son.
This Christmas, Noah Centineo stars in 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘴 𝘗𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 6
Holiday Pig. Also the divorced farmer has a twin sister.
Oh, no! The prince is in love with my evil twin sister!
On Christmas!
There's too much to watch. I guess I'll watch the same thing for the 50th time.
[ 𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 ] [ 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘤 ]
[ 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 ]
So, uh.. I've been a stand-up-comedian for uhm... five minutes now.
Actually, this is my- uhm- first show, folks. Netflix decided to give me a special.
[ 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 ]
Yeah, I don't really have any jokes. But, uhh- No one's going to watch this anyway.
Netflix just wanted some ''𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵''.
[ 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 ]
Alright, thank you very much. You guys- you been great!
[ 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 ]
Yes! I'm still watching. You know, full well, I'm still watching!
So you see. Barbecuing has its roots deep in human history. It's literally written into our DNA.
But what's even more fascinating is?
Hold on, you don't even give a s*it, do you? You're just high and watching this for the
- close-up shots of good-looking food, huh?! - Hahahahaha yeah.
[Ian] ugh...
I'm honestly just waiting for 𝘋𝘪𝘴𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘗𝘭𝘶𝘴.
I just don't really feel like people understood that it was Christmas...
Okay, ladies! I need original ideas for more 𝘕𝘦𝘵𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘹 𝘖𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘴. Go!
Alright, okay. We got 𝘞𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 but it's in space so it's called 𝘚𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥, motherf*ckers.
Okay, no, no, no, no. Altered-Carbon.
Yeah!
Oh, and-and-and-uh, Marko Polo can be like a cheap 𝘎𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘛𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴.
Wow! Okay, yeah! Ozark is... red-neck Breaking Bad.
Sebrena is 𝘏𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘙𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘥𝘢𝘭𝘦.
- [ 𝘨𝘢𝘴𝘱𝘴 ] - Yeah, uh, Kenny Schmidt? Gay 30 Rock.
- Big mouth? Horny Southpark. - Yes! And 𝘈𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘋𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵?
- 𝘈𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘋𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 but bad! - [ 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 ]
- NETFLIX! - [ 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 ]
- WE ARE GOD! WE ARE GOD! [ 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 ]
[Courtney messing up her lines] Greatle gritle gritleatoly. [Ian] Gritleatoly?
[Courtney messing up her lines] Greedy rawreh.
[Scoffing in the background] [Courtney] Sorry!
[Courtney messing up her lines] Teen sci-fi shows to hold you over till sci-fi till f*cking sci-fi comes back dude.
Hey what about the cartoon penis stuff? No dude you're f*cking weird. [Ian] Please? I need to see them.
Some times I take off my ghost shirt. Oh my god just take it off. I can't 'cause of the curse. The anticipation is killing me.
Once we get the curse broken, then I can take of my shirt. What do I have to do? Who do I have to kill? I'll do it. I got a pillow.
[Shayne] You really must go get her on Christmas.
*Door bell rings*
[Everyone else laughing] [Ian] Go get the door bell son.
Brian Merino captioned this video. Check out my instagram brian_.merino
[Everyone] YEAHHHHHHHHHH! [Courtney] WRITE IT! WRITE THAT S*IT.
[Ian] Like who thought they could've gone upside-down again?!
[Shayne coughing a bunch]
[Ian] Their going again!