I really appreciate the love that you have for your child
and your desire to boost your child's self-confidence, self-confidence
is so very important for your child as well as for adults.
I mean, that gives us confidence to achieve
tasks and to take appropriate risk
and just to be have a successful, godly, responsible adult life.
And so I'm going to give you a number of ideas
to help you boost your child's self-confidence.
And I pray that two or three ideas you can begin today to immediately
implement to make a huge difference in your child's self-confidence.
You can, and you will be an effective parent
in boosting self-confidence after I go through these ideas.
It starts with being a leader, parent and not a boss. In the business
world leaders provide their employees with freedom.
They want their employees to grow into a job
and to experience success in the job, and they want their employees
to to feel that they're capable and they're confident.
And so a leader gives an employee freedom.
A boss in the business world is controlling
their employee, micromanaging, giving them a lot of rules.
Looking over their shoulders and an employee kind of has the feeling
that they're not competent, that they're not capable.
And so as a parent, the first key idea is to be a leader
with your child, leading and directing your child,
guiding your child toward a responsible adult life.
In terms of being a leader
as a mom and a dad, you want to be a lifelong learner
and you want to operate at a higher level
in every area of your life that you desire for your child.
Children are emotional sponges.
Children breathe in the family air.
And so as a mom and a dad, make sure that you're a lifelong learner.
Reading good Christian books, reading
or listening to podcasts,
watching videos and just taking in all the information
you can to be a lifelong learner so that you,
if you want your child to be confident you're operating at a higher level
and confidence in your child and your child can be a sponge
and sponge you up the confidence that you have in your heart.
Loving Christian parents
believe they need to control behavior
and a parent can possibly control behavior.
Up until about the age of twelve, after the age of twelve
and when children are not within eyesight of mom and dad.
Children, teenagers are going to make a lot of major decisions
because mom and dad are not around, and so control is not healthy for a child.
And also, what's not healthy is being overprotective.
Loving Christian parents want to protect their kids from bumps and bruises
and bumps and bruises and mistakes
really help a child grow stronger.
What doesn't hurt a child makes the child stronger,
and if a parent is always running in
to intervene to help a child deal
with a challenge or dilemma, then a child kind of feels
I'm not competent enough to handle the world without mom and dad
and parents that are causing a child not to feel capable.
So do not be over controlling because over
controlling parents do not give their kids a chance to make decisions.
They're making all the decisions for the kids and that knocks out
the self-confidence and don't also be overprotective.
You give the child a chance to deal with the bumps and bruises of life.
Children who have self-confidence
have parents that demonstrate unconditional love.
There are three verbal, unconditional love statements that make the world
of difference every day and if not every day,
I hope very regularly tell your children not just I love you,
but tell your child I love you no matter what.
And the three big words are no matter what, because we all make mistakes.
We're all imperfect, flawed sinners.
And so your child is going to make a mistake.
But they need to be reassured that no matter what mistakes they make
as a mom and a dad, you love them no matter what,
and you'll always love them, no matter what.
A second verbal, unconditional love statement is
I will love you even more tomorrow than I did today.
That gives a child a safe, secure feeling, and that builds
self-confidence within the child, and I think you may say that during the day.
But the best time to say that is when a child goes to bed.
I will love you even more tomorrow than I did today.
How well do you think your child is going to sleep that night?
They're going to feel confident and go to bed knowing
mom and dad are going to love them more tomorrow than they do today.
And then third, to say, I am proud of you.
If there's
one sentence that I've I've probably helped about 1000
kids in their lives is parents will our kids will ask me, Dr.
Schroeder, are my mom and dad proud of me?
Parents do not use that p word, the proud word enough.
And parents need to do that.
Not when a child achieves it. Accomplishes anything.
Maybe they're just sitting on the sofa, watching a TV show
or a football game or whatever.
And mom and dad pat them on the leg and say, I am so very proud of you.
That builds self-confidence in your child or the child is ride,
your child is riding with you in the car and just out of the blue
you say, I am so very proud of you.
Those three unconditional verbal statements:
I love you no matter what,
I will love you more tomorrow than I did today, and I'm proud of you
make a huge difference.
And then
demonstrate physical, unconditional love for your kids.
Often physical touch happens until a child is about eight.
Make sure that happens from eight to eighteen as well.
It's interesting in the Bible, when Jesus healed a number of individuals.
22 times, we have 22 Bible verses
that when Jesus healed, he touched them.
And so likewise, it's very healing and builds
self-confidence for a parent to do a lot of touches with their kids.
Not just hugs, pats on the backs, tussling the hair, lovely
squeezing the arm,
but physical touch makes a huge difference in a child's self-confidence.
And I have counseled numerous adults
that have told me they feel insecure.
They have self-doubts.
They lack self-confidence.
Because growing up, their moms and dads
did not give them much physical touch, much less hugs.
And then another key idea in boosting your child's self-confidence are positive
labels, whatever words labels you put on your child's forehead,
that is exactly what they'll become.
And so parents need to make sure they give positive labels
with the phrase I appreciate.
And so if a child is struggling at being disorganized
when they become organized, say, I appreciate how organized you are.
I appreciate that you're a can-do
take action person.
I appreciate that your self-disciplined.
I appreciate that you're motivated when they demonstrate confidence.
Give them that positive label.
I appreciate how confident you were with that task.
Labels make a world of difference in children,
and I have seen that over and over and over.
Boost self-confidence in a child when parents use the words I appreciate.
Thank you as good, but I define that as gratitude.
Appreciate is praise, and so give positive labels
to boost your child's self-confidence with an I appreciate that
you are so determined and never give up and phrases and labels like that.
And then make sure as a parent to boost self-confidence
that you compliment more than you criticize and correct.
A lot of parents have the myth that what leads
to confidence within a child or leads to a good decision making
child is correction and criticism. That is absolutely not true.
Compliments like the I appreciate
is what leads to a child having self-confidence.
Again, I have seen numerous adults that told me their parents
corrected them so often criticize them, so often, rarely complimented them
that when their parents did compliment them, they didn't believe their parents
because they thought they were not good in their parents eyes
and so compliment more than you correct and criticize.