as you now know what you're looking for
you're going to start to connect the
dots okay and so here's the thing at
some point you started telling yourself
whatever I'm a piece as a strategy you
did it on purpose as a youngster as a
way to survive things that were
happening my biggest fear was being in
front of people so this is that right
here
how do you feel in your body right now
so when I wouldn't I got called like I
just I went and bawled in the bathroom
for a little bit I think you're doing
fantastic yeah good your body when
you're about to do something that's
important to you it goes into a state of
being prepared to be present that's all
that's happening so right before you're
about to hit live and you feel your
stomach turn anybody feel that when
you're about to go live
yeah do you know what's happening in
your body the blood is pulling away from
your digestive tract and it's actually
going to your organs so that your body
is in a state to be prepared and focused
because if you're doing something where
you're prepared and focused you don't
need to be digesting your food and
that's why your stomach grumbles that's
the only reason why it's happening
nothing's about to go wrong
your body's preparing to do something
that requires focus that's it that is it
and here's an even TMI thing you know
before you're about to give a speech or
maybe you're doing something you really
prepare about and suddenly you got to go
to the bathroom that is your body
getting rid of extra waste so that if
you had to run you could seriously
that's what that's for and it happens to
me every freaking speech ten minutes
before I'm like where's the bathroom
they're like you can't go right now I'm
like but I have to go do you can't go
right now yeah you're the same and so
it's never going to leave you and it's a
good thing because your body's trying to
help you focus in the moment that's all
that's going on it's our minds that
screw it up so what is the biggest
obstacle that you're facing right now
just this okay we'll stand up yeah
okay so you're standing here and I want
you to just okay you're gonna stand in
front of me because I don't even want to
be standing and and I want you to just
kind of look into people's eyes
look in the back roll over there yep
what are you what are you getting from
this but I'm safe it's okay yes yeah and
yet people are gonna they're gonna be
people that judge you they're gonna be
people that comment nasty you know stuff
on your thing and one of the things that
I want to share with you that's really
fascinating is that I've read I read
something about this psychological thing
that happens when people tweet when they
text and when they write comments online
psychologically when people are doing
that they're not thinking about you
believe it or not they're not thinking
about you because what happens for most
people is that when you read an article
or you read a tweet you're like well
that's son of it you know and you like
go off in your body the reason why you
go off and react is because you read the
tweet it's actually a psychological
state as if you're talking to yourself
and so if you don't agree with what the
person is saying you react to it in your
own mind as if Mel if you've gone crazy
you don't believe that
and then you sound off in a comment not
even thinking about the other person
you're literally debating yourself
and so they've done study after study
about trolls about people that write
stuff because I think the scariest thing
about putting yourself out there
particularly if you're doing it in
videos or you're putting your work out
there or you're putting your business
you know you're launching a coaching
business or you're launching a business
to help other people when you put
yourself out there people will come back
and this is where it is so important to
understand that when people react
they're reacting to something in them
and they're not even psychologically
capable of considering you or your
opinion because we think well how could
somebody possibly think that because I
don't think that so if somebody reacts
to you in your life for example and you
decide to quit your job and you decide
to become a personal trainer and you
decide to launch a coaching business and
you get some of that kind of side-eye
from friends right part of what's
getting confronted is they don't know
how they could possibly do that and they
have been talking to themselves in their
own minds that it's not possible and so
they're having a debate with themselves
well nobody makes money and network
marketing I mean really watch me so they
say those things because they're talking
to themselves you know the irony about
about me is you guys think I'm talking
to you it's actually a pep talk out loud
for myself at all times
yes so understand that you can find
people to support you you will always
find people to criticize you watch
though how when somebody outside of you
criticizes you how that triggers the
internal pattern so what is the pattern
that you have of thinking that gets
triggered that disempowers you you won't
have any words let's go deeper than that
is it something about being loved or
being unworthy or not being good enough
what is underneath I won't have the
words yeah they won't be the right words
and I it won't be good enough yeah okay
and so do you have an opinion that
you're not good enough or not deserving
of success or that you're not smart
enough to make a difference yeah
what is the one what is what is the
thing that hooks you that you say to
yourself that I'm stupid there okay
there we go
that's a good one not a good one but you
know what I mean that's a good one okay
I'm a piece of now we're talking yeah
who told you that when did you start
believing that there's a little girl
yeah I've been saying it for so long
that's okay she said I've been saying it
for so long I don't know as you now know
what you're looking for you're gonna
start to connect the dots okay and so
here's the thing at some point you
started telling yourself whatever I'm a
piece as a strategy you did it on
purpose as a youngster as a way to
survive things that were happening
because maybe when you said while I'm a
piece of you actually got really quiet
and you didn't get hit or maybe when you
said that you removed yourself from
situations when you would have been
abused or something it worked because it
protected you as weird as it sounds yeah
except you seeing something what are you
seeing well yeah my dad didn't want but
he wanted me to be quiet in the corner
being quiet yes couldn't make noise and
okay cry and if you got if you raised
your voice you got in trouble so do you
guys see the link now between why she
has a concern about finding her words oh
yeah you see that now yeah so every time
that you are in a situation where you
need to speak up how many of you
relating to this by the way I have a
theory about all of us that we have
patterns and strategies that we would we
created when we were little in order to
survive situations and what she
internalized was don't speak up and
you're a piece of you do and believe me
that protected your ass it worked
because you didn't speak up and you
didn't get in trouble with your dad
right and I still got the love so if I
speak up do you see this so this is a
pattern that got written when she was
little and it was written by someone
else and it worked it worked the problem
is now that you're it's not working now
not working now and see okay exactly and
so this is what's fascinating about all
this there are places in your life where
you have patterns that you don't even
recognize that were strategies that you
developed when you were a kid and so in
the areas where you're really
frustrated that pattern is probably not
present or conscious something that
you're aware of and so every single time
because you've been repeating this and
repeating it and repeating it every
single time you're about to hit play
every single time you're gonna stand on
a stage what's going to be right there
is don't speak up you're yes freeze and
you're gonna go 5 4 3 2 1 the only thing
- that actually overrides this pattern
is to speak and through speaking you
will see that you're not a piece of
you actually has something to say or you
could make fun of it and say well I
guess I'm just a piece of something to
say that's right
and I also like the strategy of kind of
making the fun of the stuff even the
heavy stuff because it loses its grip on
me it works for me it may not work for
you but it's something to try okay you
got it
thank you cool
[Applause]
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