Many of us would think that if we could just get a little bit more money, or a better job,
or a nicer house, then everything will be hunky-dory – life will be good.
However, studies have shown us that happiness is fleeting – especially when it comes to
material possessions.
On average, I’m a fairly anxious person.
I worry a lot – often about things I cannot change.
I get upset when my shift at work is suddenly cancelled, or when it rains on the weekend
after having planned a nice picnic in the park.
I get upset when my friends cancel our barbeque luncheon at the last minute.
I worry about not being able to afford a nice house, or not being able to find a job that
suits me.
And thanks to all of these little things that happen in my life, I tend to ruminate a lot.
That is, I tend to go over and over thoughts in my head about a past event without ever
reaching any sort of conclusion or completion.
I too sometimes think that if I just had some more money, then I could do everything I’d
like to do.
I could work less often.
I could buy a nice house.
I could spend more time doing things that I like.
But researchers have found that these material goals will never make us happy – at least
not in the long run.
When you get a new promotion at work, sure, for a few days you’re excited about the
pay rise, the new opportunities, the new job title.
But we all know that feeling doesn’t last.
Eventually we realise that with the new job comes added responsibility.
Very quickly we go back to our previous level of happiness (or anxiety).
When we buy a new house, of course we feel happy.
We invite our friends over for a house-warming party.
We take pride in the four bedrooms, two bathrooms, the traditional fireplace, and the swimming
pool out the back.
But within a month or two, all those feelings disappear.
We become used to our surroundings and our happiness level goes back to the same level
it used to be.
This happiness level is sometimes referred to as our “baseline” happiness, or our
“set point” for happiness.
It describes our general level of happiness, or lack thereof.
This set point is very hard to change throughout your life.
It’s almost entirely determined by your genetics and upbringing.
I was a nervous little boy, shy and scared.
I found it very hard to try new things.
I always felt that I would fail, or get into trouble, or feel embarrassed.
So sadly, even though I’m a grown man, it’s hard for me to shake off those past feelings.
I would say that my baseline happiness is probably less than the average person.
Ultimately, that’s why happiness is fleeting.
We continuously shift our expectations to match our surroundings.
For example, refugees who first come to a modern country like Australia are amazed at
the amount of food available all year round.
They can just walk into a supermarket and buy an apple, or a pear, bananas, kiwis, imported
cherries and dragon fruit.
But that feeling soon subsides.
Does the average Australian walk around going, “I can’t believe how much fruit we have
available all year round!
It’s truly amazing!”?
No of course not.
They’re more likely to say, “I can’t believe how expensive bananas are at the moment!
$3 a kilogram is ridiculous!”.
Actually, I said that very same thing the other day, despite it being the middle of
winter and bananas being a tropical fruit!
When one of my colleagues bought a new house not so long ago, they were over the moon.
But six months later, do they walk around their house going, “This house is so wonderful!
I’m so happy!”.
No, of course not.
They’re more worried about their mortgage, or their credit card limits, or their school
fees.
The house has suddenly taken a backseat.
My wife’s friends (who happen to be mostly Chinese) are constantly trying to impress
one another.
One of the ladies whose husband is a doctor, moved into a giant house in the best neighbourhood
a couple of years ago.
She held lots of parties up there and my wife got incredibly jealous.
However, about a year later, she started complaining that the house had some issues.
There wasn’t enough toilets, or the playroom doesn’t get enough sun in the winter.
So what did they do?
They literally moved across the street to an even bigger house with an even bigger mortgage.
Are they happy?
I don’t know.
I guess she’ll find something else to complain about soon enough.
Another one of my wife’s friends is entirely materialistic.
Again, she lives in a really good neighbourhood right next to the best schools.
Despite already having an expensive house, she decided that they needed a renovation.
From what I’ve heard, the renovation cost as much as another house.
Again, more mortgages, more debt, more arguments over money, just so that she can feel that
temporary hit of dopamine.
Heroin would be probably cheaper I think.
So if happiness gained from money and material possessions is only fleeting, then why do
we pursue it so wholeheartedly?
There are definitely some societal aspects at play here.
Whenever we watch a movie, or see an ad on TV, there’s always happy people driving
the latest model of car, listening to music on the newest smartphone, running around on
the beach drinking certain brands of cola.
But all of it is just a lie, or an exaggeration at best.
An extra half an inch does not make you happy, at least not in the long run.
(Of course, I’m talking about mobile phone screen size here, right?).
So what hope do we have?
Well, studies show that practising mindfulness is an extremely good way of staying happy.
Mindfulness is simply being in the moment – being fully present.
When you drink a nice cup of tea – enjoy it, savour it.
Appreciate all the little things in life that make you feel good.
Yes, we can worry about some indeterminate event occurring in the future, but will it
help?
We can worry about how the big business meeting went last night, whether we said the right
thing or not, but will it help?
Probably not.
Instead, we should be living in the present.
Appreciating what we have, and not worrying about things that we don’t have.
Yeah, sometimes I worry about not owning a house, but ultimately, will I be so much happier
if I do?
Another key to happiness is variety.
“Variety is the spice of life”, as they say.
If a refugee comes to Australia having never eaten pizza, and then decides to eat it every day
because it’s so cheap and delicious, well eventually they’re going to get sick of
it, aren’t they?
And that’s true of anything.
When I was young, my mum would put a peanut butter and lettuce sandwich in my lunchbox
and then asked me in the afternoon if I liked it or not.
I replied, “Yeah, it was great mum!
It was so yummy!”.
Then what happened?
Of course, my mum decided to make the same sandwich every day and stick it in my lunchbox.
In the end, I hated peanut butter and lettuce sandwiches.
If you do the same thing every day, you won’t get the same kick out of it.
Instead of coming home from work and lying down on the sofa and watching some TV,
why not go for a walk with your partner?
Instead of eating out at the burger restaurant every Saturday after soccer, why not pack
a picnic lunch and head out to the park?
I think we’ve all got to think about our goals and why we have them.
If you want to buy a new car simply because you think it will make you happier, well that’s
a misguided goal.
If all you use your car for is to drive to and from work every day, then that feeling
of happiness will soon depart.
Your colleagues will soon no longer envy your car as they see it every day.
Your new smartphone will always become outdated in a short space of time.
And that’s what the big companies rely on.
They need you to be in a permanent state of dissatisfaction so that you keep buying shit
that you don’t need.
Live in the moment.
Appreciate the things that you do have.
Be mindful.
Try new things.
Ignore all the noise coming out of that stupid TV set.
Just be happy.
Peace.