♪ ♪
♪ >> Stephen: HELLO, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
FOLKS, YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST FROM "SILICON VALLEY" AROUND HIS
COMEDY SPECIAL "MIDDLEDITCH AND
SCHWARTZ."
HIS NEW SHOW "B POSITIVE" IS ON CBS.
PLEASE WELCOME, THOMAS MIDDLEDITCH!
HELLO, THOMAS MIDDLEDITCH, HOW ARE YOU?
>> JUST DANDY.
I HAVE A FULL THREE DIMENSIONAL AUDIO SET UP.
>> Stephen: WITH YOU WEARING THE HEAD SET, I FEEL I'M A
NONCHARACTER PLAYER IN A VIDEO GAME.
>> WHAT ABOUT WHAT YOU SEE BEFORE YOU IS OFFBRAND?
>> Stephen: AND A SPIRAL STAIRCASE, THE LEAST EFFICIENT
FORM OF STAIRS CASE POSSIBLE.
>> WELL NOT IF YOU WANT TO CONSERVE HORIZONTAL SPACE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S ALL WE HAVE TIME FOR.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: SO GOOD TO SEE YOU, THOMAS.
AS ALWAYS.
NOW, YOU SUPPORTED BIDEN, RIGHT?
>> ALLEGEDLY, YEAH.
>> Stephen: BUT YOU'RE A CANADIAN SO YOU CAN'T VOTE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: SO THAT MUST HAVE BEEN TOUGH.
HOW DID YOU HEAR THE GOOD NEWS?
>> I WAS ASLEEP AND WOKE UP TO THE BANGING OF POTS AND HOOTING
AND HOLLERING IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD, YEAH.
>> Stephen: THAT HAPPENS TO A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN
CITIES.
>> LIBERAL STATES.
>> Stephen: RRRRRR!
WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR THOSE POTS AND PANS?
MAKING ALL THAT RACQUET!
>> YOU AND THOSE SKATEBOARDERS!
>> Stephen: DID YOU GRAB YOUR OWN POT AND PAN AND BANG ON
THINGS?
>> I DID A COUPLE OF HOOTS.
I DID A COUPLE OF WHOO!
BUT I WAS JOINING IN ON THAT TYPE OF REVEL RI.
>> Stephen: IS THAT YOU OR JUST CANADIAN.
>> PROBABLY A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH.
I WASN'T DRUNK ENOUGH AT 9:00 A.M. TO HOOT AND HOLLER.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING A CANADIAN LIVING THROUGH
AN AMERICAN ELECTION?
BECAUSE THERE ARE NO ELECTIONS LIKE THIS ONE.
>> YEAH.
IT'S WEIRD TO WANT A CERTAIN OUTCOME SO BAD AND BE POWERLESS
AND BEING OTHER, LIKE, HEY, I HOPE YOU GUYS PULL IT TOGETHER
AND VOTE.
MEANWHILE, I HAVE MY TEST HERE WITING IN LINE.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU APPLYING FOR CITIZENSHIP?
>> I HAVE BEEN IN MY WAITING TO TAKE THE TEST FOR LIKE A YEAR.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
BECAUSE I WAS WONDERING WHAT THESE -- I'VE GOT THESE
QUESTIONS FROM THE CITIZENSHIP TEST, AND I THOUGHT MAYBE I
COULD PEPPER THIS INTERVIEW WITH SOME OF THE QUESTIONS.
>> BUT I HAVEN'T -- I NEED YOU TO KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN STUDYING
FOR A YEAR.
>> Stephen: IT DOESN'T MATTER.
MAYBE YOU'RE A NATURAL.
>> OKAY.
OKAY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: AND YOU ARE --
OKAY, RAISE YOUR RIGHT HAND AND SAY, I, STATE YOUR NAME.
>> I THOMAS MIDDLEDITCH.
WOULD HIKE TO RIDE AN EAGLE.
>> I WOULD LIKE TO RIDE AN EAGLE.
>> Stephen: AND KISS THE STATUE OF LIBERTY.
>> AND KISS THAT SWEET ST STATUE LIBERTY.
>> Stephen: NEXT QUESTION.
WITH VERBAL CONSENT.
>> Stephen: WITH 100 PERCENT CONSENT.
SHE HAS THE TORCH.
YOU DON'T MESS WITH HER.
WHAT IS THE SUPREME LAW OF THE LAND IN THE UNITED STATES?
THIS IS AN ACTUAL QUESTION.
>> THE CONSTITUTION.
>> Stephen: DING, DING, DING, DING, DING!
OKAY.
WELL, WELCOME TO CBS, WELCOME TO THE EYE.
WELCOME TO THE TIFFANY.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: THE SHOW IS "B POSITIVE" ABOUT A MAN WHO
NEEDS A KIDNEY DONOR.
WOULD YOU GIVE SOMEBODY YOUR KIDNEY?
>> IT DEPENDS ENTIRELY WHO BUT IN THEORY, YES.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE THEORETICALLY GIVING AND
ALTRUISTIC, BUT I HAVE TO LIKE THE GUY.
>> OR GIRL.
I DO HAVE IT ON MY DRIVER'S LICENSE THAT YOU CAN JUST
HARVEST ALL THE ORGANS.
GET THEM OUT OF ME.
>> Stephen: BUT WE HAVE TO WAIT TILL YOU'RE DEAD FOR THAT.
>> SURE, BUT THERE ARE WAYS OF MAKING THAT HAPPEN.
WHY AM I PLOTTING MY OWN MURDER.
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW, BUT I LIKE IT.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT STOPS ONE BRANCH OF GOVERNMENT FROM
BECOMING TOO POWERFUL?
>> CHECKS AND BALANCES.
>> Stephen: BANG, BABY!
YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY.
IS THAT REAL?
>> Stephen: YES, CHECKS AND BALANCES, THAT'S THE REAL
ANSWER.
>> I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS AN OFFICIAL TERM.
I JUST HEAR THAT ON THE NEWS.
>> Stephen: NAME ONE THING BENJAMIN FRANKLIN WAS FAMOUS
FOR.
PUT TEN SECONDS ON THE CLOCK, PLEASE.
>> BEN FRANK RINE WAS FAMOUS FOR JUMPING THAT DIRT BIKE OVER ALL
THOSE CARS AND -- >> Stephen: EXACTLY.
WIPED OUT, WITH ♪ ♪ I'M PROUD TO BE AMERICAN ♪
IN THE BACKGROUND.
>> Stephen: HE WIPED OUT AND INVENTED THE HIP PIN AS A
RESULT.
FIRST POST MASTER GENERAL WHO STARTED THE FIRST FREE
LIBRARIES.
I HOPE YOU WILL PLAY AGAIN.
BUT WE'RE GOING TO SEND YOU HOME ARE OUR CONSOLATION PRIZE,
YOU'RE A FAMOUS TV STAR.
>> PLEASE, STEPHEN, CAN I STAY?
>> Stephen: YOU CAN STAY, YOU JUST CAN'T VOTE YET.
HIS NEW SHOW "B POSITIVE" AIRS THURSDAYS AT 8:30 ON CBS.
THOMAS MIDDLEDITCH, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
THANK YOU, THOMAS.
♪ ♪