- What's good everybody?
Welcome back to Basic to Bougie!
We're doing a special virtual episode.
I'm Tim Chantarangsu.
- And I'm Darren. - Hey you guys!
It's your girl Justina Valentine,
and you know what it is, Basic to Bougie!
I've got my two co-hosts,
Darren Big Baby Brand and Tim!
What's really good?
What are we eating today, guys?
(Darren groaning)
- Whoa, whoa, hold it, Tim! - I'm back!
- How did we get hacked? - I had the WiFi passcode!
All right, but I'm happy to see you guys, man.
Congratulations!
New baby, new house, new couple of rolls, pounds for me.
I've been gaining weight over the quarantine.
I'm so happy to see you guys.
- Hey, I'm right there with you.
- Justina is looking (stuttering) thick!
- In the best way, though.
And I hope you ready to eat some more,
because we're about to try three different versions
of one type of food.
- But we've still got to figure out
which one's the cheapest, which was the middlest,
and which one's the most expensive.
- We might just learn that sometimes
the most basic food can be bougie.
- Or that some of the most bougie food,
in fact, can be basic. - Facts!
- Are we still going do the dance?
We have to do the dance. - Yeah.
- Ready? - Basic!
(pounding fists)
- To Bougie! (bell ringing)
- I froze, my internet froze!
- Tim is doing this (bleep) on purpose.
How does he get under your skin virtually?
I don't understand it. - He's blinking!
You're blinking, Tim.
(laughing)
- Ah, all right!
- Daquan? - Ah.
- Oh. - [Tim] Justina,
we've got bad news for you.
- [Justina] What? - [Tim] Daquan...
He got the Rona. - What?!
- Tested positive last week.
- And just to think, we were...
But that was months ago!
So what do we do now?
- It's on us.
We have to literally open the box.
- The box, oh!
- Yeah, we gotta open your wire box.
- That thing stays open, Tim, like a 7-Eleven!
You know what I mean?
24 hours! - I know, I know!
- Save it for our personal blogs, Tim.
- I knew it, I knew it!
- The box, so that's what this big box is right down here!
- Everybody grab your box, bring your box in.
All locked in.
Everybody's good?
- You have to rub the box, caress the box.
- Yeah, feel the box, become one with the box.
Don't just jump into the box.
Play with the box first, fellas.
- Ooh, yeah! - [Darren] Stop, stop!
Ooh, tease it!
(slapping)
- The way that me and Tim do it
is we like to go one, two, three, open!
- Okay. - Everybody's eyes closed?
Hey Tim, has your eyes been closed, any of these times?
(brakes squealing)
- Don't be racist, Darren.
(laughing)
- That was a good one. - Are you guys
still playing with the box?
Are we still going?
- Nah, we're going, here we go.
- I'm ready. - One, two, three, open!
(bell ringing)
- Wow! - Oh my!
- There's lots of caution tape in my box too.
- Open it and look, what's going on?
It's craziness!
- Oh, bruh, you know what this is?
You know what this is?
Apocalyptic food!
- [Tim] Oh, oh yes!
- Zombies, the end of the world!
(groaning)
- Zombie attack food!
- [Justina] Should we be frightened?
- No, I'm prepared!
- This looks like a salad dressing pack.
- Cheese bread with jalapenos?
- I can use the caution sign.
- Whoa, yo, I'm so curious, I'm excited!
- Wow, so is this like, milk?
What is this right here?
- We're about to find out.
- I feel like I want to pour this on my head.
Wet t-shirt contest. - No!
- Bruh, I've always wanted to try this astronaut ice cream!
- Hey guys, I know I can be a pain in the butt,
but favorite planet is Uranus.
(bell ringing) (blows raspberry)
- You got such a dirty mouth.
We need to wash it out with some comet!
- Hey, Timmy, always shoot for the moon
because at least you'll always land among the stars.
- Hey, I need some space from y'all.
- Ooh!
- Hopefully this food doesn't taste NASA-ty!
(buzzer ringing)
- Okay. - Reach, reach, reach!
- Yeah, we're going to have to workshop that a little bit.
- I'm about, I'm about to rock it and get it.
- Let's go! (cheering)
(refined violin music)
I scream, you scream.
- I want y'all to look at this.
I want y'all to look at this, yo.
- Wow! - It's not cold.
- But it smells like, it smells like strawberries.
- You could use this as bath soap!
I wanna throw this in the bath.
- But it feels like styrofoam.
- Yeah, y'all, look!
It's freeze dried ice cream sandwich.
- [Tim] Feels like chalk, all right.
Ready?
- What side are we starting on?
Let's start on the pink side.
- Yeah, yes! - Cheers! (bell ringing)
(cheering in foreign languages)
Okay, let's get it.
(loud crunching)
- Oh my God!
- That's harder than I thought!
- It's hard as (bleep)!
It's like crackers!
- It's cotton candy!
- That's delicious.
Guys, don't forget, chew with the mouth open.
- No! - No!
- No. - There's no gravity in space!
You have to chew with the mouth open.
- That's how you spread the Rona,
chewing with your mouth open!
- [Darren] It tastes like cotton candy.
- It tastes like hard-ass cotton candy
in between two hard-ass crackers.
All right, I'm cool on that.
- Let's move that out of the way.
- I'm going to open the bread part
for whatever this part is.
(playful music)
- Mine says Multigrain Snack Bread.
- Mine is just a plain tortilla.
- Oh, it's like a naked pop tart!
- Your bread's kind of thick. - All right.
- I guess they knew I gained some weight.
Mine is like, thin low fat bread.
- They're trying to look out for you.
- This one says you gotta knead the package before opening,
though, you've gotta knead it a little.
- What does knead mean exactly?
You just squeeze it up, massage it?
- Like a massage, you gotta massage it down.
- Oh!
(rapid tapping)
- [Justina] You gotta squeeze it when it's at the end, yep.
- Justina, you do have to squeeze it
when it's at the end. (whip)
(sensual music)
- You gotta get every last drop.
- Yeah, every last drop.
(slurping)
- [Justina] Drippity droppity.
- [Tim] Oh wow, it's like the crackers and the cheese
with the little red stick!
- That's exactly what it looks like.
- Mmm, what flavor y'all got?
(chewing loudly)
- This tastes like Play-Doh to me.
You know when you, did you ever eat Play-Doh as a kid?
That's what this tastes like.
- No. - I've got jalapenos on mine.
This one's all right.
- You got jalapenos?
- Mine is straight cheese.
- [Tim] Mine is just regular cheese too.
- That's it? - Are y'all serious?
- Yours is spicy, just like you.
- They probably added a jalapeno 'cause I had to add
some flavor to the cracker.
- Mmm, but it does take me back
to just after school snacks.
- That's a win, though.
- Yeah. - Yeah, that's not bad.
Tim, open your mouth a little bit.
Open your mouth. - No!
No, Justina! - Just give it a try!
- I'm not going to do it!
(intense music) (chewing loudly)
- It's a lot better that way.
(laughing) (shaking bottles)
- Now I guess it's time to wash it down, y'all.
(upbeat music)
- Do you guys think it's milk?
I feel like it's milk.
- Yeah, I think it's one of those meal substitutes.
They're called like, schmoylence or some (bleep) like that.
- It smells good. - It does smell good.
Like some vanilla, like soy milk or some (bleep).
- Mm-hmm. - Cheers!
- It's like a protein shake or something!
- Salud! (glasses clinking)
You have to look each other in the eyes when you cheers.
- Yeah, word, word, word, word, word.
- Oh! (shouting in agony)
(snickering)
- [Justina] It smells better than it tastes.
It's kind of bland.
- Oh, bland! (laughing) - [Tim] Wow!
- Bland, horrible! - [Tim] Wait a second.
- Milk mustache! (slurping)
- [Darren] This took us for a spin!
- No, you know what?
I wish it was bland!
This is kind of like, hold on a second.
- Mine is bland, mine is super bland.
- I think mine might be old.
Cause this (bleep) tastes like yogurt,
like bad, like sour yogurt.
- I think that's what it is!
What Tim has been doing is bad, stop drinking it!
- Yeah, no, I'm about done with that. (laughing)
- Now here's the thing:
because it's apocalyptic food, right?
- Yeah.
- This has all the survival vittles.
This has the protein, this probably has vegetables.
You got your water.
- Vita, meata, vegimins.
- But I feel like this would made me throw up
and make me even worse in apocalypse.
- Well, here's the thing.
You got to either drink this or your piss.
What are you drinking?
I'm more of a salty person.
So maybe the pee would be better for me.
- What, like piss? - Yeah.
- Piss and pretzels.
I didn't like it, but if I was in outer space
and I was parched, it wouldn't be that bad.
- I feel it. - Let's get it to it!
Let's wreck it out!
(playful music)
- Huh. - Hmm.
- Yikes.
- I'm thinking the military is the cheapest.
- Yeah.
But cheese and crackers, you gotta be.
- Yeah, I mean, it's gotta be.
Most of the shakes-- - Are expensive.
- Can be a little expensive.
- You think it's gonna be more expensive?
- But I don't think it's more expensive
than the astronaut food.
- The space food, yeah.
- You can't even get space food,
so I think like, we're going to go most expensive here.
We're going to go with the (bleep) shake--
- As the middlest? - The middlest?
But isn't this, isn't this a space drink?
- No, I think this is just a meal substitute.
- I dunno. - Okay, okay.
- Yeah. - Ice cream sandwich
is the most expensive?
- Definitely the most expensive.
- Yeah, I'm not mad at that thought process.
- I disagree, but the thing is,
when you're a guest at Sunday dinner,
you don't disturb the cook.
I'm in your house,
so we're going to go with what you think.
I think this is the most expensive,
but if you want to call it the middlest,
let's get and call it the middlest.
- Tim it's on you, either way you wanna go as a unit.
I feel like we need to be together.
Even though we're alone. - Hmm, alone together.
- I feel like Justina only is getting two episodes
this season, this digital season.
So, I mean, I feel like maybe we should go with her.
(Darren laughing)
- [Darren] We'll let it ride, we'll let it ride.
- So we got cheapest, middlest, most expensive.
All right!
- All right, I'm wearing it up here for good luck.
- We'll let Justina read. - All right, Daquan?
(somber piano music)
- Send Daquan our best.
Can I get a drum roll?
Apocalyptic food!
The cheapest, Ready to Eat Meal, $3!
We went crazy! (cheering)
- Let's go. - We did that.
- Mmm!
(gasping)
- Ah!
- Number two! (drum rolling)
NASA Freeze-Dried Ice Cream!
We did that! (cheering)
(cheering)
- Okay!
- That was all you, Justina!
- [Justina] And then number three,
Military Grade Ready to Eat Meal!
(cheering)
- This is a thumbnail's dream right now!
- Geez, we closed with that?
- Well we did it, that was a beautiful episode!
Thank you guys for watching,
and make sure you like, comment, subscribe!
Thank you for watching the special
virtual episode of Basic to Bougie.
I'm Tim Chantarangsu. - I'm Darren Big Baby Brand!
- I'm Justina Milk Valentine! (cheering)
Milk does a body good!
(intense dubstep music)