Okay, in today's world, we obviously are able to access the people that we're dating and find
out about them before we've even gone on a date. However, one of the things that we really crave
to know early on is are they being honest? Are they actually doing what they're saying? Are
they on the same page or are they dating other people at the same time? They're in and out,
the last thing that you want to do is invest all this time and energy into somebody and then find
out a couple of months down the track that they weren't being honest. That they were lying to you,
that they were seeing other people and they never really wanted a relationship.
What I want to do is I want to set you up for success in dating, and I want to give you some
tips in this video on how to at least get a clear idea if they are being honest early on,
so you can avoid that heartbreak or those surprises later on down the track.
Hey, everyone, welcome back to my channel, I'm Renee Slansky. I am a professional dating and
relationship coach, and I help women date smart. I help them make love easier, and set themselves
up to be able to break toxic cycles, and get the peace and progress in the relationships that they
want. Now, in this video, as I mentioned, I want to set you up to be aware of what to look for
early on when you're dating someone, to work out if you're actually on the same
page and they are being honest with you. But before I do that, don't forget to subscribe,
turn on your notification button, so you don't miss any of my videos. Drop a thanks Renee down
below and let's dive into it now. Okay, the number one thing is this, consistency.
Consistency is a really easy way to get an idea of somebody's character and intentions.
Now remember this, when you are dating someone for the first couple of dates,
they're most likely going to be on their best behavior, because they're trying to win you over.
This is what we do when we date, we're trying to impress the other person,
so don't get swept up in just what you see on the first couple of dates, try to look beyond the good
behavior. How do they talk in between dates? Are they someone that actually follows through?
If they say something, for example, that they'd go into call, are they someone that actually then
calls when they say they will? Are they someone who is consistently fidgeting, distracted when
they're around you? Try and pinpoint what happens when you go on a date with them, and when you're
not on a date with them, and you're just having some sort of communication in between. The reason
why consistency in their actions, their words, and their behavior is so important is because we,
as humans, tend to operate out of our habits. Okay, we tend to operate out of our subconscious
and our subconscious is basically what our default character is. For example, if you like tea and you
make the cup of tea, you probably don't even think about how you make your cup of tea. You
just make it the same way every single time, that is a habit for you, that is a default. It
is something that you subconsciously automatically do without thinking about it. Well, we do the same
in other areas of our life, in the words that we speak, in the way that we respond to people,
in the way that we respond to conflict, in the way that we respond to things when we're under tension
or being questioned. It's not about interrogating him when you go on dates, but rather just being
aware of how he responds to you, the environment, when you are in his presence.
Also, what is he consistently doing in between those dates? Is he flaking out on you? Which I
have done a video on and you can check that out later. Is he someone you says something and then
doesn't actually follow through? Is he someone who constantly hides his phone or has excuses?
Therefore, you're starting to feel that, hang on a second, this has actually happened more than once,
this is a red flag. Another thing before I jump into the second point is his stories,
check his stories. If he says one thing and then it doesn't match up with another story he said,
and you can find some incongruences in between his stories. That could be an indication that he is
actually making things up and that he's not being honest with you. The second thing to look for is
body language, somebody who is honest doesn't have anything to hide. Now, what we need to,
I guess, discern in this point here is, a guy can go on a date with you and he
can be really nervous because he likes you. He might be a little bit fidgety, he may not
be able to hold eye contact. But it doesn't necessarily mean that he's hiding something,
perhaps he's just nervous. However, over time, again, you want to look for what he's consistent
in. Is he always like this with you or does he become more confident when he is with you?
Is his body language something that is open and warm? Does he make strong eye contact with you?
Maybe not on the first date, but as he gets to know you, and feel safe, and comfortable
around you. Is he somebody who is constantly checking his phone? Is he fidgeting all the time?
Is he looking around? People who feel they have something to hide often
overreact or overcompensate in that moment. A good way to know if they are doing that
is when you talk about certain things, for example, if you pose the question,
are you seeing anybody else? Are you still on dating apps? How does he respond to that? How
does his body language respond to that? Does he get really nervous? Does he start to look around?
Does he change the subject? Does he brush things off? What is his energy saying about him when
you are actually asking questions that are quite direct? Because people can say something to you,
but their body language and their energy can say something completely different. Number three,
avoidance, somebody who is dishonest is somebody who avoids questions, they avoid commitment,
they avoid planning things in advance, and they're just generally quite avoidant anyway. Now,
this is something that, again, you'll probably see over time. Now, if he cancels one date because
he's busy, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's hooking up with another girl, and he's being
dishonest behind your back. However, if this does happen again and again, where he avoids
having... Being seen with you in a public place, or he avoids holding your hand, or he avoids
talking about questions, like I just said before, are you seeing other people? Are you still on
dating apps? Or he avoids conversations, say, for example, you're at a date with each other.
His phone goes off and you can see it's a message from a girl, and you ask him, "Who's that girl?"
and he just changes the subject. People who avoid conflict, or avoid certain conversations, or
questions that you ask them, or who avoid certain levels of commitment at the stages that they're
meant to happen are probably not being a hundred percent honest with you with where they're at,
with what they want, and with what they're doing outside of actually getting to know you. Okay,
before I jump into the last two points, this is obviously something a lot to do with red flags.
A lot of the time us women go out there and we date from a place of what we've experienced,
or what we think we know about dating. Then if you're not aware of red flags to look for early
on, we find ourselves attached and committed to men and relationships that later on reveal
themselves to be quite toxic, or basically not meet our expectations, needs, wants, and desires.
This is why I've put together a free red flag cheat sheet. Now, what this cheat sheet is
designed to do is to help you identify early on, even from the first stages of texting each other,
the first couple of dates, then later on. I've divided it into sections
so that you ladies can take it and use it for wherever it applies for you in your dating life,
to work out, okay, is this a red flag here and what is going to be the consequence if I continue
to engage with this person? If somebody is being dishonest, you will feel it, you will sense it,
you will have more questions than you will have answers. I think we can sometimes get paranoid,
we can be like, "I'm not sure, am I just not giving him enough of a chance?" However, if
something consistently comes up within yourself, a certain feeling, you feel something's off.
Stuff isn't adding up, you feel like he's hiding something, and you not necessarily
being over analytical, anxious, or crazy. Then you're probably right, and I don't think
that we should ignore women's intuition. However, I don't think we should react every time we feel
something. For some of you ladies out there, you have an anxious tendency and I've done
so many dating videos on how to date with any anxiety. I really suggest going to check them out.
But in general, if you all putting these things together and you're realizing, okay,
he's inconsistent here with his stories. He turns his phone down when he's with me, so I can't see
his screen. He avoids questions when I talk about is he seeing somebody else? On top of that, you're
feeling a sense of uneasiness. Well, guess what? You're probably on the mark, and he probably isn't
being honest with what he is doing or where he is at. Lastly, number five, this is a big one,
if somebody is being honest with you, what he says is the truth, he does want to date you.
He only wants to see you, he wants to build something with you, then how he is with you
in private is going to be the same with how he is with you in public. There's not going to be
he's all amazing behind closed doors, but as soon as you get in public pretends that you're just a
friend, or he doesn't want to hold your hand, or he's not affectionate, or if there's another woman
around he's like... stops engaging with you as much. He should be the same the whole way through,
because if he's really invested in you, he will be consistent with actually showing that,
regardless of the circumstances, and whatever it is, and whoever it is around him. All right,
girls, I hope that this video has helped you. If it has, let me know down below,
and let me know if you think the guy that you're dating is being honest or dishonest.
All right, don't forget to grab your free red flag cheat sheet, and I will see you
guys next time. Don't forget to subscribe, turn on the notifications and bye for now.