>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK. LOUIS CATO AND "THE LATE SHOW"
BAND RIGHT OVER THERE. [CHEERING]
LOUIS, TONIGHT WE'VE GOT A CAVALCADE OF TALENT HERE.
YOU KNOW THIS IS "THE LATE SHOW" YOU COME TO, THE SHOW YOU COME
TO IF YOU WANT TO GET THE HOTTEST NEWSMAKERS TALKING ABOUT
THE NEWS THAT'S BEING MADE. ABC'S JONATHAN CARL WILL BE OUT
IN A LITTLE BIT TALKING ABOUT "TIRED OF WINNING" ABOUT THE
DESTRUCTION OF THE G.O.P. UNDER TRUMP.
AFTER THAT, ONE OF THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER SEEN.
MARIA BAMFORD WILL BE RIGHT OUT HERE.
AMAZING. THERE YOU GO.
AND ON MONDAY, I'M SO HAPPY TO SAY
I WILL BE JOINED RIGHT THERE BY A MAN WHO IS NO STRANGER
TO THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER, THOUGH I KNOW FOR A FACT HE HAS
NOT BEEN HERE IN EIGHT AND A HALF YEARS.
BECAUSE MY GUEST WILL BE MR. DAVID LETTERMAN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] BOOM!
BINGO! THERE YOU GO.
THAT'S RIGHT. FOLKS, YOU KNOW I LOVE SPACE.
IT'S MY FAVORITE CONTINUUM NEXT TO TIME.
AND I LIKE TO BRING YOU THE LATEST ON THE FINAL FRONTIER
IN MY SEGMENT... >> "SPACE NEWS"!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Stephen: WHERE ARE YOU
GOING TO PUT IT? WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO PUT IT?
FIRST UP, "SPACE JUNK NEWS!" >> I LIKE TO AIR DRY IT.
>> Stephen: THE FAA JUST ISSUED A NEW REPORT THAT AS SPACE FILLS
WITH JUNK, SATELLITES COULD FALL AND START KILLING UNSUSPECTING
HUMANS ON EARTH. ON THE PLUS SIDE,
WITH A SATELLITE CAREENING TOWARDS YOU, THE LAST THING
YOU'LL EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST WI-FI OF YOUR LIFE.
SURE. NEXT UP, "SPACE MINING NEWS!"
>> GOLD! GOLD IN THEM THERE ASTEROIDS!
>> Stephen: LAST MONTH, NASA LAUNCHED "PSYCHE,"
A MISSION TO EXPLORE A METAL ASTEROID WORTH MORE THAN
THE ENTIRE GLOBAL ECONOMY AND WHICH COULD CONTAIN A CORE OF
IRON, NICKEL, AND GOLD WORTH 10,000 QUADRILLION
DOLLARS AND IF IT COULD BE MINED COULD MAKE EVERYONE ON EARTH
A BILLIONAIRE. OKAY, HOLD ON.
NOT EVERYONE CAN BE A BILLIONAIRE.
WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH STUPID COWBOY HATS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THAT'S THE STUPIDEST.
THAT'S THE STUPIDEST ONES. THE TARGET OF THE MISSION IS
A METAL-RICH ASTEROID IN THE MAIN ASTEROID BELT
BETWEEN THE ORBITS OF MARS AND JUPITER THAT'S BEEN DESCRIBED AS
LUMPY AND POTATO-SHAPED. WAIT A SECOND.
IS NASA SENDING A MISSION TO MY ASS?
NEXT UP, "SPACE REPRODUCTION NEWS!"
[WARBLING] A COMPANY IN THE NETHERLANDS IS
PREPARING FOR PEOPLE TO START MAKING BABIES IN SPACE.
GREAT NEWS FOR ANYONE WHO'S EVER CHANGED A SOILED DIAPER
AND THOUGHT "I WISH POOP COULD FLOAT."
NEXT UP, "ROCK N ROLL IN SPACE NEWS!"
>> THANK YOU, SPACE CLEVELAND! >> Stephen: APPARENTLY,
APPARENTLY, "QUEEN GUITAR LEGEND BRIAN MAY
IS HELPING ANALYZE NASA'S OSIRIS-REX ASTEROID SAMPLES,
BECAUSE, AND GET THIS. HE "IS ALSO AN ASTROPHYSICIST."
I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SURPRISED. AFTER ALL, GENE SIMMONS IS
A MARINE BIOLOGIST. I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.
NEXT UP, "SPACE COLLEGE NEWS!"
SPACE NEWS FROM CALIFORNIA, [POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE PLAYS]
>> "I OWE HOW MUCH?!!" >> Stephen: SPACE NEWS FROM
CALIFORNIA, WHERE THE UNIVERSITY OF
CALIFORNIA AND NASA AMES HAVE UNVEILED PLANS
FOR A $2 BILLION BERKELEY SPACE CENTER.
IN RESPONSE, PUBLIC SCHOOL TEACHERS SAID, "CAN WE LITERALLY
HAVE A BOOK?" ONE BOOK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] NEXT UP,
"SPACE PAPARAZZI NEWS!" >> "YASSS, GORGON!"
>> Stephen: NASA'S ORBITAL PROBE OF JUPITER IS GETTING
PROGRESSIVELY CLOSER TO ITS MOON IO AND HAS NOW TAKEN
PICTURES FROM ONLY 7,300 MILES AWAY OR OVER THREE TIMES CLOSER
THAN SOME MAJOR U.S WEATHER SATELLITES, WHICH MEANS SOON IT
COULD BE PROVIDING ACCURATE INFORMATION TO SPACE ROKER.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JONATHAN KARL.