>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. WELCOME BACK.
RADIO OVER THERE IS ETHAN HAWKE, I ALWAYS LIKE WHEN YOU DOM ON
THE SHOW, ARE YOU BOTH AN ACTOR AND A MOVIE STAR WHO SHARES OF
HIMSELF IN INTIMATE WAYS THAT NOT EVERYBODY IS WILLING TO DO
WHEN THEY'RE ON PANEL. ARE YOU COMFORTABLE SHARING
YOURSELF WITH THE PUBLIC? >> IT IS EASIER SSES JUST TO BE
HONEST? >> JUST TO TELL THE TRUTH AND
LET'S JUST GO WITH IT. >> Stephen: ONE OF THE THINGS
I SUSPECT-- RESPECT ABOUT YOU. FOR AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE DONE
THAT, FOR AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE DONE, THAT WE NEVER TALKED FOR
MORE THAN SAY 12 TO 15 MINUTES AT A POP AND ST HARD FOR ME TO
TROWLY PLOM THE DEPTHS OF ANYONE, EVEN SOMEONE AS GOOD AS
MI. >> ARE YOU SMARTS.
>> Stephen: PLUMB THE DEPTHS OF COMEDY AT ANY LEVEL, PUT MY
DIP STICK IN AND SEE HOW MUCH OIL.
>> I'M GETTING UNCOMFORTABLE. >> Stephen: THAT IS WHAT I
MEAN, SHARING OF YOURSELF, THAT IS UNCOMFORTABLE.
HERE IS THE THING, YOU CAN SAY NO IF YOU WANT TO WE HERE AT
LATE SHOW LABS HAVE COME UP WITH SOMETHING CALLED THE COLBERT
QUESTIONERT. ST A SERIES OF QUESTIONS THAT
HAVE BEEN CALIBRATED TO AEROSPACE TOLERANCES TO
PENETRATE THE ARMOR AND THE PROTECTIVE PSYCHIC SHELL THAT
PEOPLE KEEP AROUND THEMSELVES SO THEY WILL NOT BE KNOWN.
IT IS A TRUTH-SEEKING MISSILE THAT FINDS OUT THE TRUE HEART OF
SOMEONE. ARE YOU WILLING RIGHT NOW IN
FRONT OF AMERICA, GOD AND EVERYTHING TO TAKE THE COLBERT
QUESTIONERT? >> YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK MY
MASK. >> Stephen: LET'S SEE.
>> I'M READY, WILLING AND ABLE. >> Stephen: BRAVE MAN, BRAVE
MAN. ETHAN HAWKE, THIS IS THE COLBERT
QUESTIONERT, HERE WE GO, FIRST QUESTION.
WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH? >> THE BEST-- GRANDMA BETTY MADE
A MEAN PB & J. >> Stephen: KEEP IT SIMPLE.
NOW OKAY. SO ARE WE TALKING SMOOTHER
CRUNCHY. >> I WANT SMOOTH BUT I USE GOT
CRUNCHY. >> Stephen: GRAD MA WAS
RADICAL, WHAT KIND OF JELLY, GRAPES STRAWBERRY.
>> STRAWBERRY. MY MOM GAVE ME THE HEALTHY
PEANUT BUTTER, THE KIND YOU STIR.
BUT GRAND MA WOULD GET THE GOOD STUFF.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS ONE THING YOU OWN THAT YOU SHOULD REALLY
THROW OUT? >> ONE THING I OWN THAT I-- 97%
OF THE CLOTHES THAT I OWN, 97% OF THE CLOTHES I OWN I BOUGHT IN
1-9D 92. LIKE THIS SUIT IS NOT MINE,
OKAY. I LIKE IT AND I WISH IT WERE
MINE BUT I JUST KEEP WEARING CLOTHES FROM THE 90 ITSEE LIKE
I'M STUCK IN FOR MALD HIDE,. >> Stephen: HEUER WHAT IS THE
SCARIEST ANIMAL? >> DO INSIGNATURES COUNT.
>> Stephen: YES. >> A TICK, I HATE TICKS.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE FOUND A TICK ON YOURSELF LATELY?
>> I FEEL LIKE THAT WILL MAKE ME UNRAVE IF I ANSWER AND PEOPLE
WON'T LIKE ME. YES.
>> Stephen: THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE.
>> YES, I HAVE, I FOUND ONE ON MY STOMACH AND ON MY UNDERARM.
>> Stephen: YES CONDITIONS IT FREAKS ME OUT, I DON'T LIKE
TICKS. >> Stephen: NO, WHO DOES.
>> BUT I'M OKAY. I'M GOING TO BE OKAY.
>> Stephen: OKAY. YOU GOT TO FES.
>> I PUT THE SUCKER IN TAPE, YOU PUT IT ON TAPE SO IF IT STARTS
TO RING UP OR GET WEIRD YOU CAN TAKE IT TO THE DOCTOR AND THEY
CAN TELL YOU HOW POISON US OR RANCID IT IS, I HATE TICKS.
>> Stephen: GLAD TO KNOW, THIS IS INFORMATIVE.
>> SEE. >> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES?
>> APPLES OR ORANGES. I LIKE APPLE PIE SO GOT TO GO
WITH APPLES. >> Stephen: WELL DONE.
HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTO GRAPH.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: WHO?
>> I ASKED KRIS KRISTOFFERSON. >> Stephen: WOW.
AND DID YOU GET IT? >> I GOT IT.
I HAD, AN OLD LP OF SILVER TONGUE DEVIL AND HE WROTE TO
ETHAN, RESPECT, KRIS. AND I GOT IT FRAMED ON MY WALL.
>> Stephen: WOW. RHODES SCHOLAR.
>> RHODES SCHOLAR. >> Stephen: ETHAN HAWKE WHAT
DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE?
>> YOU READY? I DON'T THINK WE DIE.
I DON'T THINK THAT WE HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE DIVINE
CONCEPT OF TIME. I DON'T STHI WE'RE ANY MORE
CAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING A CLOCK THAN A DOG.
AND I THINK SOMETHING MUCH BIGGER IS GOING ON THAN WE ARE
AWARE OF IN OUR DAY TO DAY ROUTINE.
I DON'T THINK HAVE I THE INTELLIGENCE OR THE DNA MAKEUP
TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION. >> Stephen: FAVORITE ACTION
MOVIE. >> DIEHARD.
>> Stephen: DIEHARD. >> Stephen: WHILE I GOT YOU,
WHILE I GOT YOU ON THE DIEHARD, IS DIEHARD A CHRISTMAS MOVIE?
>> YES, SURE, YES, YES, BEST ONE.
>> Stephen: LEGALLY HAVE I TO FOLLOW UP WITH THAT ONE.
>> I MEAN DIEHARD, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST SO PERFECT IT IS JUST
A GREAT FILM. >> Stephen: WINDOW OR AISLE.
>> I'M A NAPPER SO I NEED TO BE BY THE WINDOW.
>> Stephen: OKAY. DOES THIS OR YOU DON'T WANT
PEOPLE TO GET UP TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
>> NO, THAT DOESN'T BOTHER ME, LITERALLY SINCE I WAS A KID, ME
PUT ME IN A CAR, I FALL ASLEEP, PUT ME IN THE PLANE, I FALL
ASLEEP. AND IF I AM IN THE AISLE, THEY
MY HEAD, THEY KICK MY LEG, SIR, PUT YOUR LEG BACK N I'M SLEEPING
AND THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND DID I JUST REVEAL TOO MUCH.
>> Stephen: NO, JUST ENOUGH. FAVORITE SMELL.
>> MY WIFE. THAT MAKES IT SOUND CORNY BUT
YOU KNOW THAT IS MY FAVORITE SMELL.
>> Stephen: LEAST FAVORITE SMELL.
>> MYSELF. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE MR. ETHAN HAWKE,
EVERYBODY. STICK AROUND.