You feeling good, Gourley?
I've never felt better.
Oh, really?
That's the, that's the saddest thing I've ever heard.
I know.
This is you in peak form?
No, I'm, I'm overcompensating.
I'm, I'm going through a rough patch.
Oh, is everything okay?
Everything's okay.
But we have a cat baby war at home.
What do you mean?
Just the baby is crawling after the cat
and the cat is just taking it
out with bodily fluids all over the house.
Okay. Paint the picture please.
Your daughter is now how old?
She's nine months old.
Okay. Yeah.
So she can crawl.
Yeah.
Okay.
And boy, can't she?
So she's crawling all over the place and describe the cat.
The cat is a half main coon gorgeous plus size model cat.
And boy, does she know it.
I, that's way too much information.
I just have cats.
My wife.
Yeah.
And my, my wife, kids, and I have two cats.
And I just know that we have two cats.
Right.
I don't know what kind they are.
So the cat is a big, fat cat.
Is what you're saying?
Yeah. Margo, the fat guy.
Okay. So, you have this cat,
and everything was fine until the baby showed up.
Everything was even fine when the baby was here.
But once she started crawling,
territory started being seized,
and it's like, it's hell right now.
Yeah.
And we took Margo to the vet
because she also got fleas and they gave her an enema.
Okay. And then we,
And Margo's the cat?
Not the daughter?
Margo's the cat.
Okay. I just wanna make sure, if you're listening,
he did not give his nine month old an enema
because she got fleas.
No. Margo the fat guy's the cat.
Have you thought about putting your daughter down?
Oh, I'm sorry.
The cat down.
It's very confusing.
It is, and I understand that.
I forget that.
Yeah. Margo the fat guy's the cat.
Have you neutered your daughter?
No.
Okay.
Wait, is the cat going to go to col, an all girl college?
Yes.
Would she go to Vasser?
Which is now co-ed?
If she can get in.
Okay.
She pays her own way.
Margo the fat guy's the cat.
Glen, who's also called the PP Queen of Pasadena,
they're both,
You're an idiot. You're an idiot.
And the Golden State Pooper.
Okay. You spent all your time
coming up with these cute nicknames.
Mhm.
And this is time when you could be solving the problem.
That's the, this is the issue.
The issue is you could be solving the problem, but no,
you're too busy going
Woo oo, there's, there's Giggles, the tall cam gagler.
Well, let me write that down.
What do you call your toaster?
There's Toasty the Mosty.
That's just Mitch.
There's Toasty the Mosty.
Well, I've gotta use Toasty the Mosty.
But first I've gotta open Cooley, the fridge-fridge,
to get the bready bread bread bread.
You are living in PeeWee's Playhouse.
It's madness.
Yeah. I suppose, it just happens.
So what's the plan here?
I want to, I want this segment to end in a real solution.
Okay, good.
I could use your help.
Yes
Margo is, uh,
she did this to me.
You can see this, just,
railroad track of scrape down my forearm.
That's the, those are the same scratches
that the murderer always shows
to the police afterwards, and says, look at that.
Hold that up to the, that's the same,
How did you get these?
Uh, cat.
I have a cat.
Okay. Oh, and also, I murdered.
I fell out a flight of murder.
Yeah.
Uh, so we brought Margo home from the vet,
and I guess she hadn't finished her enema process,
because she,
What do you mean?
Well,
Be specific
Not everything got out, and by everything,
I mean, there was a lot in there.
And so, I, she started scratching in the corner,
like she was gonna go to the bathroom,
so I picked her up to take her to her litter box,
which she's been refusing lately,
and as I was holding her,
she just spat out some kind of pressurized, soft serve.
And it's just been all over the house,
and it's just been a nightmare. And,
What is she spitting up?
Not spitting up, shat.
Oh, oh, I see.
Yeah. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to go there,
but that's how bad this has been.
What I'm saying is me being here right now
is the first calm I've had in, like, two weeks.
We're on the second floor in the podcast studio.
It's a soundproof insulated, uh, area.
And I can hear your cat outside.
Smashing the window open with a iron bar.
(angry cat noises)
Jack from the shining.
Yeah.
Oh God.
Where is daddy?
And she hasn't stopped and I don't know what to do.
Well, you know that the child comes first.
It's the hierarchy of needs.
Yes, of course.
And so, uh, the child comes first,
so, um, cat's gotta go bye bye.
No, we can't get rid of the cat.
This cat is special to us.
The babies, our life.
I have to go, I think is the thing.
Okay, well,
I'm the unnecessary.
What I'm saying is,
I don't want the cat to be harmed in any way.
No.
The, but I think maybe the cat has to learn its lesson
and go live somewhere else for, well,
until it learns to, uh, tow the line, if you will.
You're volunteering.
Oh, I'll come pick up your cat.
Oh Jesus.
I will come pick up your cat and go for a ride,
and when I come back, the cat won't be with me,
and we won't have to discuss it, so,
Absolutely not.
Yeah.
Absolutely not.
I'm coming by at 3:00 AM.
Oh.
Quietly through the window.
Oh God. This is a bad idea to bring this up.
Well, good luck with your cat.
Thank you.
What's your cat's name again?
Margo, the fat guy.
Incredible. You live a very silly life.
Yeah, well, there's our daughter,
Mrs. Squeaks Cheeks for Weeks.
Captain Howdy Lips So Pouty.
Right. So,
you're not a real adult person.
Yeah. Uh, Yeah.
And I'm saying this, which is really bad.
All right.
Yeah. That is bad.
I'm the stupidest per,
I think I've felt, had my eyes open
to some things about myself, fearless this afternoon.