My name is Dr Emma Gray, and I'm the Lead Clinical Psychologist at the British CBT & Counselling
Service.
And in this video, I am going to explain how to settle your child at nursery—how to manage
what is called separation anxiety.
Okay, now, when your child starts nursery, this is a rite of passage—possibly more
so for you than for your child—but, like any transition, it has the potential to be
really stressful.
So I'm going to share with you five tips to help you to navigate this process.
Okay, so, the first tip is something to remember, and that is that separation anxiety is normal.
So, it's normal that your child is going to be less than impressed when you decide it's
time for them to start nursery.
This is normal, and more than that, it's an essential part of being a human being.
Children are completely dependent upon their parents—their survival is literally in your
hands.
So, nature has developed a very effective response to make sure you stay close, and
this is triggered when you leave your child in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people.
So, when they are screaming, keep in mind that this is why human beings have been so
successful, they have survived so long because we are hardwired to use anything at our disposal
to survive—to get our needs met.
And for your child, the most effective tool that they have at their disposal is to scream
the house down.
It would probably be better to call it survival anxiety.
Okay, so, the second thing is about your attitude—your confidence that there is nothing wrong here
is really important, and it's going to make a massive difference to how you experience
this process.
It's a confidence that, with time, the unfamiliar will become familiar; the unsafe will become
safe in your child's eyes.
There is a reason for the screaming, and, with time, that reason will disappear.
Maybe not on your time frame or the nursery’s time frame, but it will disappear.
So, you need to try and build your confidence in this because it's really going to help
you.
So, talk to other parents that have been through this, and survived, and come out the other
side.
Be careful though not to compare your experience negatively with other people's.
Some children will settle more quickly than your child; some will take longer—the point
is though, all children do eventually settle—there's just no standard.
The other thing that will help you to build your confidence is to try and identify what
this transition throws up for you.
So, issues around the change, your child growing up, your role changing—try and deal with
these things so that you're free and clear to focus on what's happening right now, rather
than being caught up with thoughts about the past or worries about the future.
Okay, so, the third tip is don't catastrophise.
Now, when we're under pressure, human beings have a tendency to predict the worst.
So, in this case, 'There's something wrong here; my child is never going to settle, and
it's always going to be like this.'
So, try and identify your particular version of this catastrophic prediction, and try and
assess it more accurately.
So, to start with, have you ever heard of this happening, or do all the stories you
hear end in the same way—'My child eventually settled'?
Okay, the fourth tip is to be realistic.
Now, even when your child does eventually settle, there are still going to be days when
they don't want to go to nursery, and this is going to continue for all of their lives—it
is normal.
I mean, you think yourself, aren't there some days when you don't fancy going to work?
Fifth tip is to get support from the nursery.
Keep in your mind they've settled hundreds, if not thousands, of children—they have
a lot of knowledge and experience.
So, let them reassure you.
Let them help you.
Okay, so, that's the end of this video.
I hope it was helpful, if it was please like, subscribe, and share with your friends.
I'll see you soon.