POWER OF PERFORMANCE."
IF YOU HAVEN’T READ IT, THIS IS
THE YEAR TO DO IT.
PROFESSOR DUCKWORTH, THANK YOU
FOR BEING WITH US.
THERE ARE TIMES WHEN SOMEONE
WITH YOUR LEVEL OF EDUCATION
COMES ON THE SHOW AND PEOPLE
SAY, THIS IS NOT THE EXPERIENCE
MOST PEOPLE HAVE.
EXCEPT IN THIS PARTICULAR CASE,
IN TERMS OF DEALING WITH THE
GRIEF AND THE PRESSURES OF
CORONAVIRUS, IT HAS BEEN YOUR
EXPERIENCE KIND OF FROM THE
BEGINNING.
YOUR FATHER PASSED IN APRIL.
>> YEAH, I THINK MY FATHER WAS
ONE OF THE EARLY VICTIMS PASSING
IN EARLY APRIL.
ALTHOUGH I SHOULD SAY AT THE AGE
OF 87, THERE HAS CERTAINLY BEEN
MORE TRAGIC CASES DURING THE
PANDEMIC.
MY 85-YEAR-OLD MOTHER IS STILL
WITH US.
BUT, YEAH, I’VE HAD MY STORY.
I WILL TELL YOU, I HOPE 2020 IS
THE YEAR OF EMPATHY BECAUSE IF
ANYTHING, THIS TEACHES US THAT
EACH OF US REALLY DOES CARRY OUR
OWN BURDEN.
>> LET’S TALK ABOUT DEALING WITH
THESE THINGS.
YOUR MOTHER IS DEALING WITH THE
LOSS OF YOUR FATHER.
YOU WROTE THERE WAS NO FUNERAL,
BUT SHE COULD PAINT AND SHE
COULD PLANT A TREE.
THE DEDICATION READS BABYLONICA
WEEPING WILLOW IN MEMORY OF
KYUNG LEE IN 2020.
LET’S TALK ABOUT DEALING WITH
THIS.
IT FEELS A LOT LIKE GRIEF EVEN
IF YOU’RE NOT DEALING WITH THE
DEATH OF A PERSON BECAUSE
EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT LIFE
HAS CHANGED.
FOR OTHERS IT’S ANXIETY AND
MENTAL ANGUISH.
WHAT CAN WE DO IN THESE MOMENTS?
WE KNOW THE END OF THIS IS
COMING, BUT IT MAY BE MANY
MONTHS.
>> I WENT TO SCHOOL TO GET A PhD
IN PSYCHOLOGY, BUT SOMETIMES I
THINK I COULD HAVE JUST SAT AND
WATCHED MY MOM AND SHE PROBABLY
WOULD HAVE TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING
I NEED TO KNOW.
MY MOM’S STORY WITH LOSING MY DAD, THEY LIVED IN THE SAME,
DAD, THEY LIVED IN THE SAME,
LIKE, SENIOR RETIREMENT HOME.
SHE WAS IN INDEPENDENT LIFRG UND
HE WAS IN THE HIGHEST CARE AT
HOME.
I THINK SHE PROBABLY LOGGED
MILES A DAY FROM HER INDEPENDENT
SECTION TO HIS.
THEN WHEN HE PASSED, WHICH
HAPPENS SOMETIMES VERY SUDDENLY
FROM COVID, IF I JUST TAKE A
PAGE OUT OF HER PLAYBOOK, LIKE
HOW DID MY MOTHER DEAL WITH THAT
GRIEF, YOU KNOW, THERE WAS
CERTAINLY THE SHOCK, THERE WAS
CERTAINLY, YOU KNOW, THE
SADNESS, BUT I HAVE TO SAY, MY
MOTHER’S ATTENTION WENT VERY
QUICKLY TO, YOU KNOW, HOW THIS
WAS A BLESSING THAT MY, THAT MY
HAD BEEN IN A LOT OF PAIN IN HIS
FINAL MONTHS AND YEARS.
SHE THOUGHT OF GOOD MEMORIES,
AND SHE DID, SHE GOT OUT HER
PAINTBRUSHES, AND THE PAINTING
SHE MADE, ACTUALLY, IN HONOR OF
MY DAD IS A PEACOCK FEATHER
WHICH IS KIND OF AN INSIDE JOKE
BECAUSE MY DAD WAS A BIT OF A
PEACOCK, AND SHE PLANTED A TREE.
SHE PLANTED A TREE SHE THOUGHT
HE WOULD LIKE.
SO I THINK ILTST’S NOT TO DENY T
WE ARE SAD AND WE ARE LOST, BUT
I THINK TO THE FACT GETS US
OUT OF THE WHOLE --
>> WE DESCRIBE THESE THINGS,
PEOPLE WHO DO THAT, AS STRONG.
AND WORRY ABOUT PEOPLE WHO CAN’T
AS WEAK.
BUT YOUR BOOK SPEAKS TO THE FACT
THAT WE ALL HAVE THIS IN US.
>> DO I THINK PEOPLE ARE
STRONGER THAN WE THINK.
AND TALKING ABOUT NOT FEELING
ALONE.
MICHELLE OBAMA SAID, IT WAS A
COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO, OH, GOSH,
THIS IS GETTING TO ME.
I FEEL A LITTLE DEPRESSED.
A LOT OF PEOPLE’S SHOULDERS
SOFTENED AND SAID, IT’S NOT JUST
ME.
AT THE SAME TIME, WE NEED TO
REALIZE THAT WE DO HAVE INNER
STRENGTH.
AND THE VAST MAJORITY OF PEOPLE
ARE RESILIENT.
IT’S THE NORM, NOT THE
EXCEPTION.
>> HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THE IDEA
THAT YOU CAN’T DODGE THESE
FEELINGS?
AFTER NINE MONTHS OF THIS, YOU
CAN’T DODGE IT, AVOID IT,
PRETEND IT’S NOT THERE.
YOU HAVE TO OWN THE FEELING, AND
KNOW THAT IN 20 YEARS, YOU’LL BE
ABLE TO TALK ABOUT WHAT 2020 WAS
LIKE.
>> YOU THINK ABOUT, WHAT WILL
THE STORY I WILL TELL?
I THINK IT’S VERY HELPFUL.
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT HELPS
PEOPLE MANAGE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
IS TEMPORAL PERSPECTIVE.
BASICALLY, WHEN WE HAVE SOME
DISTANCE IN TIME FROM WHAT WE’RE
EXPERIENCING, WE CAN MANAGE THE
EMOTIONS BETTER.
WE CAN EVEN DO THIS YOURSELF,
NOT BY REMOVING YOURSELF FROM
2020 RIGHT NOW TRULY, BUT
REMOVING YOURSELF FROM 2020
MENTALLY, AND SAYING IN 2040,