DID YOU KNOW THIS IS OUR LAST TAPING OF THE WINTER?
YEAH YEAH.
(APPLAUSE) >> James: SPRING OFFICIALLY
BEGINS ON SATURDAY.
ALTHOUGH, LET'S BE HONEST.
THIS YEAR, SPRING STARTS ON WHATEVER DAY YOU GET VACCINATED.
BUT HERE IN LOS ANGELES, THE SMELL OF SPRING IS IN THE AIR.
I IMAGINE.
I MOSTLY JUST SMELL THE INSIDE OF MY MASK WHEN I GO OUTSIDE.
IT'S BEEN A GREAT LEVELER THE MASK AS TO WHAT YOUR BREATH
ACTUALLY SMELLS LIKE.
OH WOW, I NEED TO GET SOME MINTS.
EITHER THAT, OR SOMEONE HAS TAKEN A (BLEEP) IN MY MASK.
>> THAT'S NOT A MASK.
THAT IS A DIAPER.
>> James: MY QUESTION IS, WHO IS IAN KARMEL UP TO IN THE
SPRING?
WHO'S SPRING KARMEL?
WHY IS SPRING KARMEL?
>> I MIGHT PULL UP WITH YOU IN A PINK SHIRT AND A PACK OF, LIKE
HOP IN.
THAT'S A GOOD -- >> James: WHEN YOU WHEN ARE
YOU GOING TO GET A BUMPER PUT BACK ON YOUR CAR?
I FEEL LIKE YOUR CAR HASN'T HAD A BUMPER IN WHAT YOU THINK, FOUR
YEARS?
>> IT'S THE ENTIRE TIME WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER.
>> James: SO NO BIT OF YOU SHOULD GO, I'LL PUT A BUMPER
BACK ON THE PRIUS.
>> THERE'S A LOT OF SILVER PRIUSES IN L.A. AND I CAN STROLL
OUT AND SAY THAT ONE.
>> James: YOU'RE NOT WORRIED ABOUT SAFETY?
>> I HAVE A GIRL FRIEND, I'VE MADE IT THIS FAR.
THERE'S A SMALLER BUMPER UNDERNEATH.
I THINK IT'S FINE.
>> James: HAS NO ONE -- POLICE NEVER PULLED YOU OVER AND
GONE -- >> ONE TIME.
WE'RE LIKE ROLL THE WINDOW DOWN, AND HE WAS LIKE, PUT A BUMPER ON
YOUR PRIUS AND I SAID REAL DEAL, AND THAT WAS FOUR YEARS AGO.
>> James: GREAT.
>> I'M FANTASTIC, MAD MAX FURY ROAD BUT ANOTHER --
>> James: YOU REMEMBER THOSE PRIUSES COMING OVER THE DUNES,
THE ROAR OF THE ENGINE THAT SORT OF GOES K WOO WOO.
YOU KNOW WHAT I DID THIS MORNING?
I SHOT AN EPISODE OF JAY LENO'SO GARAGE.
HE'S GOT ONE OF THE FIRST PRIUSES, WHICH I'LL BE HONEST
STICKS OUT.
HE HAS GOT HOT RODS AND LAMBORGHINIS, AND, IT'S LIKE AN
EARLY TESLA, ALL THAT JAZZ.
IT'S ONE OF MY BEST STORIES.
WHY IS SPRING KARMEL?
WHERE IS SPRING KARMEL?
>> ON A PATIO.
>> James: HOW IS SPRING KARMEL?
>> SLIGHT REPLY ALLERGIC.
>> James: WHY IS SPRING KARMEL?
WHEN WE GET INTO THE NEWS, CAN WE HAVE A DU DU DU DU DU?
>> YES.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> James: THAT WAS SO
O(BLEEP) JUST GIVE ME A NEWS LIKE A DU DU DU DU -- LET ME --
LIKE A DU DU DU DU DU DU.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> James: MIGHT BE TOO ROCKY.
WHAT IF YOU HAVE BEEN WATCHING THE NEWS AND SOMEBODY WAS GOING
LIKE, THAT'S IT.
SCARFATTI COMES THROUGH.
WELL IT'S TOO TIME, THE TIME AMERICA THESE HERE UNITED STATES
OF AMERICA, HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR, IT'S TIME TO JUMP INTO THE
NEWS.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> James: GOOD EVENING.
(LAUGHTER) >> James: WHAT IS THIS?
OH, SCRIPT FROM A CORPORATE.
TRY ONE MORE TIME.
CAN'T WAIT.
I'VE GOT MORE PROPS HERE.
THERE ARE SO MANY PENS IN HERE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
OKAY WAIT, WAIT.
TRY THEM.
WELL, THAT'S ALL BEEN FUN AND GAMES BUT IT'S THAT TIME.
TIME AMERICA HAS BEEN WAITING FOR.
IT'S TIME FOR THE NEWS.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> James: GOOD EVENING.
WE HAVE AN UPDATE FROM A STORY WE TOLD YOU ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
RUSSIA IS NOW DEMANDING THAT PRESIDENT BIDEN APOLOGIZE FOR
HIS COMMENTS YESTERDAY, WHERE HE CALLED VLADIMIR PUTIN A
"KILLER."
PUTIN RESPONDED TO BIDEN SAYING HE'S A KILLER IN A TELEVISED
INTERVIEW, SAYING IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE.
>> IT ARGUED IN THE COURTYARD, IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE.
>> James: SO NOT GOING WITH A DENIAL.
INTERESTING.
I IMAGINE SOMEONE WENT TO YOU AND SAID, YOU'RE KILLER, AND YOU
SAD, WELL, IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE.
AND IS IT JUST ME, WHEN HE MENTIONS PLAYING OUT AS A KID,
DOES IT SEEM HARD TO EVER BELIEVE VLADIMIR PUTIN WAS A
CHILD?
CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM A KID?
LIKE MOM CAN I GET A SODA?
OH MY GOD ICE CREAM!
JUST LIKE HE WAS PERMANENTLY BORN MIDDLE AGED.
WHAT WAS A YOUNG PUTIN LIKE?
>> I THINK HE'S EXACTLY LIKE HE IS NOW.
HE PET HIS DOG LIKE EQUALLY SERIOUS, ONE TIME ON THE HEAD,
THEN GO TO THE FRIDGE AND EAT A TUTURNIP AND STARE AT THE WALL.
>> AS HE SAID WE KNOW EACH OTHER PERSONALLY, WHAT WOULD I SAY TO
HIM?
I SAY I WISH YOU HEALTH, I WISH YOU HEALTH, I SAY THAT WITH NOT
IRONY OR ANY JOKE.
>> James: I'M GLAD HE COMPLETE US KNOW IT WASN'T A
JOKE BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN VLADIMIR PUTIN AS A FUNNY GUY,
HE'S ALWAYS JOCKEYING AND.
WHEN HAS ANYBODY SAID I WISH YOU GOOD HEALTH AND I MEAN THAT
WITHOUT IRONY?
I STAY ITS WITH IRONY.
IT'S LIKE WHEN YOUR ARE EX, WISHES YOU HAPPINESS, MAKE EACH
OTHER SO, SO HAPPY.
IN PORTER NEWS.
TO HELP ARE PROMOTE SAFE TRAVEL THIS SUMMER, THE
EUROPEAN UNION IS NOW PROPOSING A PLAN THAT INCLUDES A "VIRUS
PASS"-- ALLOWING VACCINATED E.U.
CITIZENS TO TRAVEL FREELY BETWEEN COUNTRIES.
HOW'S THAT BREXIT DECISION LOOKING NOW, MATES?
ENJOY THAT SUMMER VACATION IN GLASGOW.
"VIRUS PASS" SOUNDS LIKE WHAT IT'S CALLED WHEN YOU USE THE
CORONAVIRUS AS AN EXCUSE NOT TO GO TO
AN EVENT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO ANYWAY.
"LOOK, I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO GO TO RACHEL'S WEDDING.
I THINK I'M GOING TO USE THE OLD VIRUS PASS."
I CAN'T BE THERE OUT OF AN ABUNDANCE OF CAUTION.
HAVE YOU DON'T ANYTHING, SUCCESSFULLY
GOTTEN OUT OF DOING WITH A "VIRUS PASS?"
>> LIKE THIS SHOW.
>> James: HAS EXPWHRMPLET GOT AN VIRUS PASS OR I DIDN'T THINK
M UNIVERSITY WAS PURPOSEFULLY ASKED NOT TO COME IN TODAY
BECAUSE THE RATINGS KING IS BACK.
LAST TIME WAS ON CAMERA 1, THIS TIME HE'S ON CAMERA THREE.
GEORGE IS BACK IN THE ROOM.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> James: I CAN FEEL IT.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT?
I SVELTE IT AS I WALKED IN, IT WAS CHARGED IN HERE.
GEORGE HOW YOU DOING?
GREAT CHAT.
GEORGE I LOVE THIS SHIRT.
JUST POPPED OPEN, LITTLE TREAT.
LITTLE TREAT.
YOU POP ONE MORE OF THEM AND STILL GET AWAY WITH IT.
YEAH YEAH, I DO.
THAT'S IT.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO GEORGE?
I'M GOING TO BUY YOU A GOLD MEDALLION.
I AM.
I'M GOING TO BUY YOU A GOLD MEDALLION WITH MY FACE ON IT.
>> THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME, GEORGE.
.WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND, GEORGE?
>> James: WANT TO HANG OUT TOGETHER MAYBE TAKE THE CAR OUT
HIT THE OPEN ROAD?
>> I'LL TAKE ONE OF JAY'S CARS.
>> James: YES, WOE DO IT FOR YOU NOT FOR ME.
TRUE STORY.
GEORGE AS EVER A THRILL TO HAVE YOU IN THE BUILDING.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> James: WHERE IS HE GOING TO GO NEXT?
HE'S BEEN ON 1, BEEN ON 3.
PETE ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT YOUR JOB?
>> I WASN'T UNTIL JUST NOW.
>> James: YOU ARE NOW.
MARK WOULD YOU EVER ALLOW HIM ON THE JIB AND LET HIM GO FISHING?
>> NOT A CHANCE.
NO.
>> James: NO CHANCE?
>> NO CHANCE.
>> James: I ACTUALLY THINK IF I DON'T REMEMBER WENT FISHING
WITH THE GYP AND WE HAD A CAMERA ON GEORGE I THINK THE RATINGS
WOULD GO THROUGH THE ROOF.
SEE HIM GLIDE THAT BAD BOY AROUND.
TELL ME IF ANYTHING OF THIS IS MAKING YOU UNCOMFORTABLE GEORGE.
>> NO IT'S FINE.
>> James: AND THERE'S AN EXCITING NEW BREAK THROUGH.
SCIENTISTS HAVE MANAGED THE GROW THE EMBRYO OF A MAMMALOUTSIDE
OF A MOTHER AM WOMB.
I WAS JUST EXCITED FOR OUTDOOR DINING!
AND WE'VE ALREADY MOVED ON TO FULL-ON OUTDOOR EMBRYO GROWTH.
SCIENTISTS ARE SAYING THEY COULD SOMEDAY GROW HUMANS OUTSIDE OF
THE WOMB.
BUT, IT'LL BE WEIRD WHEN YOU ASK YOUR FRIENDS HOW THE PREGNANCY
IS COMING ALONG, AND THEY'RE LIKE, "JUST OPEN THE FRIDGE AND
HAVE A LOOK."
(LAUGHTER) YEAH AND DID YOU SEE THIS
HEADLINE?
IT WAS EVERYWHERE TODAY.
KANYE WEST IS NOW REPORTEDLY WORTH AN AMAZING $6.6 BILLION.
HALF OF THAT COMES FROM HIS "YEEZY" BRAND CLOTHING AND SHOE
LINE.
I HOPE THIS DOESN'T GO DO HIS HEAD AND HE STARTS ACTING HOLIER
THAN THOU.
I WENT ON A PLANE WITH KANYE WEST, I HAD TO PAY FOR MY OWN
DRINKS.
THAT OUTRAGE.
AND TO THINK, HE DID IT BY SELLING THINGS LIKE THIS.
6.6, WOULD YOU WEAR THOSE REG?
>> LOOKS LIKE A CROCK DROPPED A MOLLY.
>> James: AND FINALLY, WE WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS
RESTAURANT -- WHY DID I SAY IT LIKE THAT?
I THINK BECAUSE CUMBERBATCH IS COMING UP LATER.
WHO WAS THAT NOISE?
DOESN'T MATTER.
>> James: DON'T MAKE A THING OUT OF IT.
>> INDEED!
>> James: A RESTAURANT PROMOTION IN TAIWAN.
THE RESTAURANT OFFERED FREE SUSHI TO ANYONE WILLING TO
LEGALLY CHANGE THEIR NAME TO "SALMON."
AND 200 PEOPLE WENT THROUGH WITH IT.
ARE WE SURE THEY ACTUALLY CHANGED THEIR NAMES, OR WERE
PEOPLE LIKE, "YOU'RE GIVING AWAY FREE SUSHI IF MY NAME'S SALMON?
MY NAME'S SALMON.
CHANGING A NIEM GET FREE FOOD?
THAT'S INSANE ISN'T IT?
ANYWAYS, COME BACK AFTER THE BREAK FOR MORE "LATE LATE SHOW"
WITH ME, JAMES SHAKE SHACK!
COME ON BACK EVERYBODY!