The trouble with history is that people are terrible eyewitnesses.
And before humans developed a written language, centuries of moments were lost in time.
But every now and then some new, tantalizing details emerge from archaeological record,
a previously neglected document, or even from someone's DNA.
And sometimes those details are so surprising, they completely change our understanding of
history.
All in the DNA
Genetically modern people sometimes mixed with Neanderthals, and since genetically modern
people were probably also responsible for the eventual genocide of the Neanderthals,
such liaisons were probably the caveman equivalent of Montagues and Capulets, only hairier.
But new evidence suggests that intermixing of different human species was not just confined
to Neanderthals and Homo sapiens.
According to recent discoveries, there were multiple species of hominids living on planet
Earth at the same time.
It's starting to become clear that intermingling of species was far from just the occasional
secret affair between star-crossed lovers — it happened so frequently that it's possible
that you personally owe your jawline, sense of smell, or preference for hanging out in
caves to an ancient, almost-human ancestor.
Coming to America
The idea that the first Americans crossed the Bering land bridge, also called Beringia,
is beloved in grade school history classes, but there's new evidence that it's probably
not true.
A study published in 2016 pointed out that during the time of the first crossing, Beringia
didn't have the resources needed to support a large population of migrants.
Animals and plants didn't start making homes in Beringia until around 12,600 years ago,
and the supposed first crossing was more than 1,000 years before that.
Instead, it is likely that the first migrants crossed into the Americas by traveling along
the now-submerged Pacific coastline.
"You keep that in mind.
The moment you think you got it figured, you're wrong."
Lady vikings
If you're a fan of Vikings on the History Channel, you'll probably find this information
to be about as obvious as it gets because duh, everyone knows shield maidens were a
thing, and Lagertha could totally kick your butt, by the way.
In the 1880s, the skeleton of a Viking warrior was unearthed in Sweden, and everyone just
assumed the skeleton belonged to a man, mostly because Xena: Warrior Princess wouldn't reach
the airwaves for more than a century.
The warrior, who was buried with weapons, shields, and two horses, helped historians
imagine what the quintessential Viking warrior might be like, except for the part where he...
was a she.
The skeleton remained incorrectly gendered until recently, when an osteologist noticed
the fine cheekbones and "feminine hip bones" and decided to do a DNA analysis.
What they discovered will not surprise Vikings fans, but as far as most everyone else's understanding
of Viking culture is concerned, it's right up there with Vikings not wearing horned helmets.
The wooden teeth that weren't
The composition of George Washington's dentures isn't exactly the sort of historical detail
that brings down regimes or rewrites entire textbooks, but like the cherry tree he never
chopped down, it's a myth so beloved that it seems immune to logic.
George Washington did not have wooden teeth, though it's possible that as he aged his dentures
became so disgusting that they looked like they were made out of wood.
Researchers decided to settle the argument by subjecting a set of Washington's surviving
dentures to a series of laser scans.
At long last, the answer: Washington's teeth were made out of ivory, gold, lead, and actual
teeth, some of which were human and some of which were animal.
Now one wonders why they weren't all ivory, all gold, or all donkey, but we may never
know.
"That don't make no sense!"
King Tut's death
Egyptian kings, ancient curses, buried treasure — the story of King Tut has everything … except
murder.
The thing about the boy king is that he's famous because he was buried with a buttload
of treasure and no grave robbers were ever clever enough to figure out where it was,
until 1922 when some British guy helped break in and subsequently died from a mummy-cursed
mosquito bite.
Because he died so young, some people thought Tut must have been murdered — theories ranged
from a blow to the back of the head courtesy of a political rival, to poison.
Then researchers rained on everyone's murder mystery parade with DNA tests and CT scans,
which revealed that the king suffered from severe malaria and an infected, broken leg.
And the poor kid wasn't just sick, he also had a cleft palate and a club foot, which
were inherited conditions — the genetic testing also revealed that his parents were
brother and sister.
So the real story here is not how King Tut died, but that he was a Targaryen, or possibly
one of Cersei's kids.
"We don't choose whom we love."
The Clovis got crafty
The Clovis people were some of the first migrants to reach the Americas, somewhere around 13,000
years ago.
The culture was short-lived — a couple hundred years after they arrived, their characteristic
spear-points disappeared from the fossil record, which seemed to indicate that the Clovis people
also disappeared from planet Earth.
Why?
A 2006 theory suggested that a comet had struck the Earth, which caused wildfires and mass
extinction, and that included the Clovis.
But in 2011 a pair of archaeologists called foul on the theory, citing a lack of extraterrestrial
particles at many Clovis sites and no indication whatsoever that the population of North America
declined around that time.
The new theory is simple: The Clovis people just stopped making that particular sort of
spear point and came up with a new design, never really going anywhere.
New spear, who dis?
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