- Do you fear change?
You know, many of us are actually scared of change.
We actually go out of our way to avoid change.
And yet change is inevitable.
And I'd like to show you a new perspective
so you can embrace change, love change.
So keep watching, and I'm going to show you how.
As a therapist, and I've been a therapist
my entire adult life, one of the things I found most vexing
for my clients was that they didn't like change.
You see the mind is hardwired
and super-coded to love what is familiar.
We want to go back to the same old, same old
because it kept us safe,
and hundreds of years ago, that was true.
If we only ate what we knew, we wouldn't get poisoned.
If we didn't leave the village or the tribe, we were safer.
So we have a primitive mind that likes what is familiar,
likes what is known, and actually resists what is unfamiliar
and almost runs away from what is unknown.
But that's not a good thing
because from the minute you are born, you are changing.
And there's a key to love change.
When you can influence the direction of change in your life
and make it change for the better, then you will always win.
You see, when you can embrace change, it takes you forward.
Change is newness.
There's this phrase I love, and it says,
"When hope dies, old age runs to meet you."
And there's another one I love that says,
"You don't get old until you stop doing."
And then you become old, so I've always embraced change.
It's not always easy.
Wherever I am, I think, "Well, now this is good.
This change is good."
If we think of our life,
often, we think, "Oh, I love the seasons.
"I love the summer, but I also love fall. I love winter.
"I love going on a holiday to somewhere different.
"I love trying new restaurants. I like trying new things.
"I've been watching this same series.
"It's up to series 10. I'm really bored now.
I think I'm going to find something new to watch."
Because we do get bored with the same old, same old.
And so you need to understand
that change will move you forwards.
Without change, your life is incredibly dull.
You know, I've been all over the world
and I've been to some interesting countries
where nothing has changed.
It's all still the same.
Women in particular still wear the same clothes
that their grandmothers wear.
They cook the same food every day.
They're not unhappy,
but it's an interesting concept I'm seeing.
"Wow, if I have a daughter, she'll have the same life I had,
same life my mother had, same life my grandmother had."
Even when you were in a place that's hot,
all the time, you think, "Oh, actually,
"I'd love a bit of rain, I'd love a bit of snow,
I'd love a bit of fall or autumn."
Because no change is somewhat dull,
and if you think it is, and imagine this.
Imagine today, whatever you're wearing,
you're going to wear every day for the rest of your life.
Whatever you ate today, you're going to eat that every day
for the rest of your life.
Whatever you watched on television, whatever you last read,
you're watching that and reading that every day
for the rest of your life.
Whatever the weather is like today,
it's going to be that every day for the rest of your life.
And we've all seen 'Groundhog Day'
where he has to live the same day over and over again
until he learns something.
But here's the thing, change is newness.
Change makes you learn something.
You have no idea what your potential is.
You couldn't ever know. You know why?
Because your potential expands
as you move towards it, and it expands again.
It expands again, and once your mind moves
to a new dimension, it doesn't go back again.
Think of when you have children.
They learn so much, in fact, we learn half
of what we learn in our entire life before we're five.
And when I had a two-year-old,
she didn't want to eat anything.
She didn't, "No, I don't want to eat that. I don't know it."
And I'd say, "Well, that's why you don't want to eat it
"because you don't know it.
But if you try it, you'll get to know."
But I understood her primitive brain
was going "I'm scared of this unfamiliar food
because my mind is wired to resist something different."
She wanted to play with the same doll,
watch the same video, have the same story every day
because, for a small child, the same is very comforting,
very reassuring, but we're not small children.
We've got to leave that behind
and think "No, change can be comforting."
Change can be reassuring, doing something different,
exciting your imagination,
broadening your horizons can be so exciting.
People just say, "You know, I went to live
"in another country for a year.
"I did something new for a year.
"I went out of my comfort zone
"and I did something entirely different.
"I went to a place I've never normally gone to.
It was such fun."
So change pushes you forward.
Change makes you grow.
It stretches you, and you want to grow.
Remember I said in the beginning,
we fear change in case the change has changed for the worst
but when you can influence
and control the direction of change in your life,
you can make every change change for the better.
Even getting older, even something challenging,
even leaving a relationship and thinking, "You know what?
"This just isn't working well.
"I'm going to find something new and better.
I'm going to move on. I'm going to move forwards."
And here's the best thing about change,
it actually makes you a better person.
It educates you more, it teaches you more,
it stretches you more, it pushes you so much more.
Embrace change, welcome change, be excited about change.
And if you ever get a little stuck,
imagine a life without change.
I think that's one of the hard things
about being very old and being very ill.
When I went to see my father in hospital,
he knew he was never going to leave that hospital bed,
that his life was coming to an end.
But you know, he faced that very well.
He said to me, "I've had the most amazing life.
I have no regrets. It's been incredible."
So even at the last few days of his life,
he was seeing that change.
His life coming to an end is an amazing thing,
and he said, "I don't really want to live anymore, you know?
"Because all the things I loved like walking
"and talking and reading, I can't really do any of this.
"And so I've had an amazing life.
I've been so lucky, and now I'm ready for the next stage."
And that was incredible, but that's what people do
when they embrace change.
They think, "Well, this is all good. This is all great.
"There's something good about this,"
because they are at every stage controlling, directing,
influencing the change taking place in their life
by controlling, directing, influencing
how they feel about that change that's taking place
in their life, so you can't stop change.
You can embrace it, you can feel good about it,
you can learn to think, "Hey, what's good about this?"
There's always something good.
So if you want to know how to really embrace change
and make it your friend, make it an asset,
make it something that you use as an advantage,
please join my 21-Day Confidence Challenge
where you will learn to make change your best friend,
your most loyal ally and something that grows you,
stretches you, excites you, inspires you,
and makes you and indeed your life phenomenal.
I can't wait to see you there.