- I've watched the cartoons,
but now it's time to watch Nickelodeon sitcoms.
Let's see what's more accurate,
"Grey's Anatomy" or Nick.
Peewoop!
(school bell ringing)
- I don't wanna study for a math test.
- I hate math! - I don't wanna study!
- Now you don't have to!
- This is like the new infomercials.
I feel like this should be on goop.
(fart reverberates)
- Just pop one in your mouth and you'll be sick all day!
- [Students] Wow! - What?
Who wants to be sick? Oh my God!
- Chicken pox cherry! - Ew!
- Pneumonia orange! - Ew!
- Bleeding gums berry! (record scratches)
- Did she say bleeding gums cherry?
- [Sam] Bleeding gums berry.
- Oh, berry. Jesus Christ!
What, does it turn you into a hemophiliac?
- I got the pneumonia! (coughs)
- No, you don't, my friend.
If you had it, you wouldn't be chilling
unless he had an atypical pneumonia,
which is known as a walking pneumonia
usually as a result of one of these bacterias
which are not the normal ones that cause pneumonia.
- I got the chickenpox! Yeah!
- They used to have chickenpox parties,
but they didn't put them on Popsicle sticks.
- Just pop, pop, pop one in your mouth,
and you'll be too sick to go to school!
- You know what is not a good strategy by Sick Popples,
the creators of Sick Popples is that they chose diseases
that actually have decent, like, complication
and mortality rates, like that you die.
If I had to choose an illness, I wouldn't choose pneumonia
which I can go into sepsis
and then develop septic shock and die.
I would go for like, the common cold.
And if I was gonna go for something related to gums,
I'd go for like, gingivitis or halitosis, not bleeding gums
so I start bleeding out on my orifices.
- [Students] (slurping) Lick till you're sick!
(record scratches) - Ew!
God, could you have made a more disturbing catchphrase?
Lick till you're sick!
- You have a broken leg and your hand's all smushed,
and it's all my fault.
- It's not your fault. - Yeah, it is.
If I'd seen that stupid truck coming,
you never would've had- - Stop.
- Hey look, his toes stick out of his cast.
(audience laughing)
♪ This little piggy went to market ♪
- It's actually ideal to be able to see the toes
so you could see if that you put on the cast too tight.
If you start losing circulation,
the toes will blanch or otherwise turn white.
(Freddie shouts) (water splashing)
- Freddie! - Mom?
- No, it's Carly. Your mom left, what happened?
- I fell. - Are you okay?
- [Freddie] Yeah, but I don't think I can get up.
- That's why after we have an injury
or something even more serious like a stroke,
we get these modifiers,
safety equipment into a person's home
where we actually do a safety evaluation.
Someone goes there, we put handrails,
seated showers, entry guides into bathtubs.
Like, there's so many different things we can add on
in order to make a bathroom, a living room more accessible
and safe for someone who's freshly coming out of a hospital
or a rehab center.
- Everyone at school's saying you're a hero.
(Dr. Mike chuckles) - I don't feel like a hero.
- Well, you are one (tender music)
to me. - [Audience] Aw.
(warm instrumental music) (audience members shouting)
- Something about this is just weird.
- [Sam] (laughs) The look on your face! (laughs)
- [Fitness Instructor] And hold it, hold it, hold it!
(air hisses) (weights clatter)
- Oh! That's a broken metatarsal.
- I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm sure it, it, it's fine.
It doesn't really even hurt. (shouts)
- Oh no! - Whoa!
That looks septic, AKA infectious.
- Hurry, hurry, somethings gone wrong!
(device beeping) Code red, code red!
- What's wrong with him? - I don't know!
- (laughs) What's a code red?
(slap pops) (triumphant music)
- Hi, sorry to keep you all waiting.
- That's okay, Doc. - How do his X-rays look?
- Well, not so good.
- X-rays will show us if there's like,
an osteomyelitis present.
- But his foot will require a bit of surgery.
- See ya! - Surgery.
Probably pins hardware.
- If he wants to have complete mobility of his left foot,
we will have to operate.
- Well, this is a little strange because it looks
like the ER doctor is giving advice on surgical matters,
which it really should be the ortho team doing that.
- Will you be doing the procedure?
- No, we'll get him a foot specialist.
- I mean, foot specialist, orthopedist.
- Once the foot is drained, the surgeon must carefully
and slowly scrape the metatarsal bone?
- See, I called that it was a metatarsal.
- Woozy! (audience laughing)
- See, some patients love reading
about the procedure they're going for.
Some get woozy and do not want to hear about it.
That's why I always ask, do you wanna know?
(slime splashing)
- My throat. I can't talk.
- Most of the time people think
that this is a bacterial thing.
Most times when you get laryngitis,
like most, most, most times... (drum roll resounds)
Viral.
- What's wrong with you?
- I think it's his throat.
- It's actually his voice box, AKA his larynx.
- Open! - Ugh.
- Ew! - Oh, ugh!
- This is the worst fake special effect. What?
He has a pulse, pulsating alien babies
where his tonsils are supposed to be.
- Your tonsils are awful!
Those things are gonna have to come out.
- No, we don't really remove tonsils that quickly.
Like, if you have many, many instances
of strep throat in a given year, maybe.
If you have issues with breathing
because of the recurrent strep throats, maybe.
But we've drastically decreased the amount
of these surgeries that we perform.
- Chair. (audience laughing)
- Are they gonna take out the aliens?
- The anesthesia?
- We don't have any anesthesia.
- Fine, then lamp. - Lamp.
- Guys, I don't think this is such a-
- What are you gonna do with the lamp?
(lamp clangs) Oh, that's medical abuse.
- Come on, Amanda. - You can do it.
- Dig in, come on. - Come on, you got it.
This is easy. That's not the...
- [Amanda] Excuse me, you guys. I feel it, I feel it.
- Okay, that's not how we perform tonsillectomies.
(audience laughing) - Hey, that's his sandwich.
- Yeah, he must have had it for lunch.
- Then I'll take it. - Ew.
Do they know that tonsils are connected to your body
and you can't just pull them out like a sandwich?
- Feel something, you guys.
- I think it's probably influenza.
(heart beating) Is that his heart?
- Oh, you yanked out his heart.
(Dr. Mike laughs) - Aw.
- You can't access the heart through the mouth.
I think that goes without saying.
(organs squelching) (audience laughing)
- [Amanda] Wait, you guys, I think I feel his tonsils!
- But then how did you put the heart back in?
This is worse than "Surgeon Simulator"
when you just throw the heart,
you dunk it into the person's open chest.
(player screaming)
- Pull! (stretching creaks)
(tonsils pop) - Ah!
- Ugh. (audience laughing)
- Ah, got it! - Ew.
- Wow, good job, kid! - My plezh.
- She said, "My plezh." Wow, that was terrible.
(slime splashing)
- Hey! - Hey, Kel!
- For a soda. (audience laughing)
- I feel like I watched this episode.
- Oh, it's not! It's not!
- Honestly, I wish we could lock up
more of the soda these days.
So much added sugar. Ugh.
It contributes to so many problems.
Childhood obesity,
which yields early heart disease as adults.
- Some sicko done put a chain
around the orange soda cooler!
- Kel, Chris is the sicko.
- What? What's wrong with you?
- Kel, do you know that last month
you drank over $100 worth of free orange soda?
- Really? I thought it was so much more.
- It was plenty! (audience laughing)
From now on, if you want orange soda,
you'll have to pay for it, and until you pay up,
the chain stays put. - Oh!
- You know what's unfair about guys?
Most guys, if they cut out something small,
unhealthy out of their diet like a soda,
they start to lose weight very quickly.
But I feel like in my female patients,
it's harder to just lose that weight
from cutting out the soda.
- If I don't have more soda, I can't live!
- Well, no, soda doesn't have withdrawal symptoms
like you would have with other very addictive compounds.
If you don't have sugar, you'll be okay.
(Kel thuds on floor) (audience laughing)
Can someone check his pulse, please?
And if he's pulseless, please start chest compressions,
chest compressions, chest compressions.
(audience laughing)
(glass crashes) (audience laughing)
- Okay, guys!
(Kel yelps) - So, you know,
we actually do this in patients who are hypoglycemic.
Like, if they dose themselves with too much insulin,
you can lower your blood sugar so much
that you actually need some sugar to help balance that out.
Usually we do it in a form of orange juice,
but you could use soda.
You could use pretty much anything as long as it has sugar.
I have seen in instances where someone was hypoglycemic
and someone happened to give them like,
sugar-free soda and I was like, "No, no, no, no.
This is not gonna help the person."
- It's flu season at Polk Middle School
so this is a good time
to get to know the two different types of sick days.
- Oh.
- [Ned] Type one, when you're really sick.
- Which is what those Popsicle kids were doing earlier.
- 101! Influenza, in bed!
I'm calling your mom. - Well, wait.
First of all, how did she diagnose influenza
off just checking a temperature?
'Cause pretty much every infection
can raise your temperature.
- [Ned] Which means you should probably go home
and get some rest.
- And you probably shouldn't group kids together
so that they all just infect one another.
(student coughs)
- Hunsucker will totally send you home right away.
- Home? I've never missed a day of school in my life.
I'll go home when they pry my perfect attendance record
from my cold, dead fingers.
- If he makes it another 173 days, he'll set a state record.
- Anyone that sends their kids to school
is doing the wrong thing
because you're just infecting every other kid
not to mention every employee
that works at the school, teachers included.
- Are you healthy? This flu is nasty.
Kids are throwing up like crazy.
- Some kids do throw up with the flu.
There's also the stomach flu
which is really like a gastroenteritis.
- I am 2/10 of a degree from being sent home.
I need something to keep me germ free
for the rest of the day until seventh period.
- Perfect, no germs in there. It's vacuum sealed.
- There's no such thing
as just fully keeping yourself germ free.
Bacteria live on us, inside of us and most of it is helpful.
There's some times when our immune system gets weakened
or we're exposed to some really infectious bacteria
or virus that it becomes problematic,
but we live in a pretty healthy symbiosis
with bacteria in the world around us.
(slime sloshing)
- And where am I supposed to sleep?
- You pretend to be sick and you can sleep in the infirmary.
- Oh no, uh-uh. No, I heard about Nurse Krutcher, mm-mm.
- No, they have a new nurse.
Wanna see her? - Okay.
(phone beeps)
- There could not be a more fake picture on that old phone.
That phone is definitely black and white.
- I think I'm coming down with a fever.
- Oh, ha-ha.
- I'm just glad I have you to take care of me.
- Oh, I won't be taking care of you.
- Huh? What do you mean?
(impact slams)
- What's wrong with this one? - He's very sick.
- (laughs) Actually, I feel much better. Thank you.
- Lay down. - No, seriously, I have-
- Lay down! - (screams) Cheese and rice!
- Where, what school has an infirmary
with full medical gear, IV drips?
Like, we don't even have that
in like, legit medical settings sometimes.
(eerie music) (bag crinkling)
Why is she icing him?
- To bring down your fever.
- No, no. (error message tone resounds)
Most kids don't need their fever brought down
unless something else is going on.
You don't bring a fever down by icing a child
because that's way cooling them
to the point where it's problematic not only to their skin
but also to their body temperature.
Just take a medicine, an anti-fever medication
if you really need to lower the fever.
And even if you go into room temperature water,
that say, is like 70, 75 degrees,
that water is significantly cooler
than your body temperature of 98 or 100
if they have a fever.
Putting a child who has a high fever into ice water,
you could put that child into shock.
- Ow, ow, ow! - What is she doing?
- What are you doing? - Feeling your glands.
- Okay, but why are you wrestling his glands?
- I don't know what's wrong with you.
I'm gonna have to take more blood.
- What? Where's the doctor?
Let's watch a little "SpongeBob" medical scenes.
Click here to check that out.
And as always, stay happy and healthy.
(cheerful music)