How to handle her attachment style
when she pulls away
or gets clingy.
Now, if you found yourself scratching your head
wondering why love feels like
such a roller coaster from one moment to the next
and not a cuddle fest well, you're
in for a treat today.
In the jungle of relationships
understanding attachment styles can help.
You're cruising along the highway of love
basking in the warm glow of lady love's affection.
When suddenly bam
conflict hits you like a semi-truck out of nowhere.
Your heart races, your palm sweat,
and you're left wondering
how the heck you ended up in this mess.
The next thing you know, she's in tears
or worse flown the coup and is M-I-A-W-G-F.
In this summary video, we'll explore
four relationship attachment styles
and unravel the mysteries
of how they shape your romantic connections
plus what to do
if her attachment style goes off the rails.
Now, if you're new to my channel
I help man decode modern women
so you can find, attract, and keep your keeper
or simply have better relationships with women.
Welcome to just the tip.
Attachment styles are formed in childhood
based on our relationship
with our primary caregivers.
If you're one of the lucky few
who received love in a secure way
and witnessed your primary caregivers
handle conflict in healthy ways,
you'll likely have a secure attachment style.
If your childhood felt more
like a war zone with conflict,
chaos, uncertainty, neglect,
or abuse, you may be one of the many
with an insecure attachment style
developed as a self-protection coping mechanism.
Generally anxiously attached people
tend to fear their partner can't love them,
and avoid people experience intimacy
as a loss of independence.
Secure people feel comfortable
with love and intimacy.
The good news is
if you're not secure, it's not your fault
and you can learn to manage
unhealthy coping mechanisms
that no longer serve you,
I did. Secure attachment.
You're chilling on a couch
with your significant other
feeling all warm and fuzzy inside
after engaging in a heated disagreement
and finding common ground
that's secure attachment.
Couples with this style are cool with closeness
and giving each other space when needed.
Trust, check, dependability, double check.
They're the ones who make happily ever after
seem easy.
They're our best relationship models.
Example,
let's say you and your lady love hit a rough patch.
Maybe there's a disagreement about who forgot
to put the laundry in the dryer.
Maybe something more serious.
Instead of blowing up or shutting down,
you and your sweetheart sit down
and have a calm, rational discussion about it
listening to each other's perspectives,
validating each other's feelings,
and working together to find a solution.
If that seems like farfetched fiction to you,
you will likely recognize
one of the next three attachment styles
in either your or your partner's behavior.
Anxious preoccupied attachment.
Have you ever dated someone
who's like a human barnacle
clinging for your life?
That's the anxious, preoccupied type.
They crave intimacy like oxygen
and can get very jittery
if they're not feeling in constant contact
or with your attention,
they're always checking their phone
every five minutes
to see if you've texted them back.
They're very clingy
even though they're soft at heart
and longing for deep connection.
Does this sound familiar?
Example,
Your girlfriend senses a shift in your mood
and suddenly her mind goes into overdrive.
She wonders if you're mad at her
or if she said something wrong.
She starts bombarding you with texts
desperate for reassurance that everything is okay.
Meanwhile, you feel overwhelmed
by her constant need for validation
you start to pull away
leading to a spiral of insecurity intention
or maybe you are the one who's anxious attached.
Either way, we'll look at
how to handle it in a few minutes
but first, let's look at the next one.
Dismissive-avoidant attachment.
These are the elusive ghosters of the dating world.
They act like they prefer their own company
over anyone else's
but really they're simply scared of intimacy.
They're not big on sharing their feelings
and might bolt at the first sign
of emotional intensity.
Commitment, not really their jam.
They're more into keeping things casual
and breezy like a summer fling
that never really turns into anything serious.
Does this sound familiar?
Example,
okay, so let's say conflict rears its head
and instead of facing it on
the woman you're dating decides to
hit the emotional eject button.
She withdraws into her shell,
shutting down any attempts at communication
but pretending nothing's wrong.
You frustrated by her lack of engagement
try to reach out,
but she brushes you off with a nonchalant,
I'm fine.
Eventually you give up trying to
break through her emotional fortress
leaving both of you feeling
disconnected and unresolved.
I know someone like this
and it affects all her close relationships.
Now, let's look at fearful-avoiding attachment.
Que the dramatic music
but because here comes
the relationship, roller-coaster riders,
fearful-avoidant folks
swing between craving intimacy and pushing away
like it's hot lava.
They want love but they're terrified of getting hurt,
stuck in a tug of war
between their heart and their head.
One minute they're all in,
and the next they're slamming on the emotional breaks
pulling away faster than you can say
what the heck just happened?
Does this sound familiar?
That used to be me.
Example,
in the midst of a heated argument
your girl suddenly feels overwhelmed
by a tsunami of conflicting emotions.
One minute she's pouring her heart out
desperate for your understanding.
The next, she's pushing you away
terrified of getting too close.
You confused by her hot and cold behavior
try to navigate the emotional minefield
but it feels like walking on eggshells.
Before you know it,
the conflict escalates into a full-blown standoff
leaving both of you feeling hurt
and misunderstood.
Whether you're a secure snuggler,
an anxious wall of love,
a dismissive loner,
or a fearful roller-coaster rider,
knowing your and her attachment styles
can shed light
on the love antics plaguing your relationship.
However, knowledge is only potential power.
What do you do with what you know?
Well, let's look at dealing with attachment styles.
Secure attachment.
If you're rocking the secure attachment style
give yourself a pat on the back.
You've got the tools
to weather the storms of conflict
with grace and resilience.
Just keep doing what you're doing,
staying open, honest, empathetic,
and communicating.
Continue to prioritize mutual respect,
trust, understanding in your relationship.
Conflict is a natural part of any relationship.
It's how you navigate it together
that matters most, and you've got this.
What about anxious-preoccupied attachment?
If you're in a whirlwind of worry
every time conflict arises,
it's time to dial down the panic
and ramp up the self-awareness.
Practice grounding techniques like
the focus on five senses,
five things you can see, four things you can touch,
three things you can hear,
two things you can smell,
and one thing you can taste.
This helps reset your nervous system.
Instead of bombarding your partner with text,
take a step back and give her space
to process her emotions.
Focus on building your own self-esteem
and confidence so you're not constantly seeking
validation from others.
Communication is key.
Talk openly to her about your fears
and insecurities and work together
to establish healthy boundaries
and reassurance strategies.
If she tends to get clingy
or anxious during conflicts
it's important to approach the situation
with the same patience and empathy you would want.
Reassure her of your commitment
and gently encourage her
to practice soothing techniques
and build her own sense of security.
Set clear boundaries around communication
and give her space to process her emotions
without feeling overwhelmed.
Encourage open dialogue
and validate her feelings
but also emphasize the importance of trust
and independence in a healthy relationship.
Dealing with dismissive-avoidant attachment.
Now, if you're prone to pulling
the disappearing act
when conflict arises,
it's time to break out of your emotional shell
and lean into vulnerability.
Start by acknowledging your feelings
instead of brushing them away.
Practice act of listening
and empathy even when it feels uncomfortable.
Instead of retreating into solitude
make an engaged effort to be present
in the conversation.
I know it's challenging
if she tends to withdraw or avoid conflict.
You know, it can be challenging
but it's essential to approach
with compassion and understanding.
Respect her need for space
and independence
while gently encouraging her to open up
and engage in constructive dialogue.
Avoid chasing or pressuring her
or becoming overly critical
as this can exacerbate
her tendency to withdraw and run.
You can say hey, you know
when you're ready to talk, I'm here for you.
Focus on building trust
and emotional intimacy over time
and be patient as she learns
to navigate her emotional landscape.
Now, dealing with fearful-avoidant attachment.
If you're stuck in a cycle of pushing her away
and then pulling her close,
it's time for some stability.
Start by tuning into your own needs
and boundaries so you can communicate them
clearly to her before they fester.
Journaling or walk in the forest
can help regulate emotions
when things feel too intense.
Instead of retreating into isolation,
talk to her about your needs.
Trusting that vulnerability
can strengthen your connection
rather than weaken it.
If she struggles with fear of intimacy
and fluctuates between pushing
and pulling you away,
well, you want to approach her with sensitivity
and support, validate her feelings
and reassure her of your commitment,
but also give her space
to process her emotions at her own pace.
For any of the insecure attachment styles,
I encourage you to seek therapy if needed.
Overcoming deep-seated fears and insecurities
may require professional guidance.
Lord knows it took me a lot of it
to help figure out my own relationship foibles.
Focus on building trust and stability
in the relationship and with yourself
Be patient as you work through
your attachment issues.
No matter what your attachment style may be.
With a little self-awareness, communication,
and compassion,
it's possible to weather the relationship storms
and emerge stronger
and even more connected on the other side.
Even though I still feel
very uncomfortable with conflict,
all my relationships are healthy and fulfilling
since I learned to embody
a secure attachment style.
Part of that is avoiding
people who are toxic and unable
or unwilling to learn and grow unfortunately.
If you recognize unhealthy patterns
in your relationships
it may be time to take the next step.
Whether you're struggling with anxious insecurity,
emotional detachment,
or fear of intimacy
therapy can help lead you out of the maze
and into deeper, more fulfilling connections.
I encourage you to take a leap of faith
and seek support from a qualified therapist.
At the moment, there's only one
online company I recommend
that is actually fair to men,
which is better for both men and women.
I'll put a link in the show notes
and with expert guidance
you can unravel attachment style,
heal your wounds,
and you can pave the way
to healthier relationships.
A great book on this subject is
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
and Adam Lane Smith's channel
focuses on attachment styles.
You might want to check that out.
Remember, you deserve love
that lifts you up, supports you,
and makes your heart beat faster in a good way.
With the right tools and support,
you can transform your relationships and your life.
Be brave and take the first step today
to a brighter, better tomorrow.
You're happy year or ever after awaits.
Sending you so much love and courage.
God bless and if you liked this video
or found value in it, please give it a thumbs up
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membership people,
I love you a lot.
Thanks, bye.