- Hi, my name is Paul.
I'm a Pisces.
I'm looking for a long-term relationship right now,
but I'm okay keeping it casual to start.
- I just got out of a relationship.
- I'm not looking for anything serious right now.
- You're not really my type.
- Do you believe in ghosts?
- I can't do it anymore.
- Paul, you don't have to have sex with every Tinder date
that's willing.
- I know, I know, but I wanna stay in sex shape,
so I'm like really good when I meet someone I love.
- Sex shape?
- No, I get it.
You know, like well-practiced.
- Exactly.
Every time I log into Facebook, someone's either engaged
or married or having babies.
How hard can it be to fall in love?
- There's gotta be like a million ways to fall in love.
- 12 max.
- Name them.
- A grocery store, bookstore, dildo store.
- You're just listing places.
Those are chance encounters, not ways to fall in love.
- Chance encounters, that's one.
- Someone have a pen? - Yeah.
- Yeah, but isn't everything a chance encounter?
- You're not helping right now?
- Yeah, but isn't it?
- So I just fall in love by chance at a random
place of commerce.
- No, you'll go to these locations where you're more likely
to have the chance encounters.
- Like where?
- [Guy With Beard] Laundromat, bus stop, dildo store.
- [Paul] Okay, okay, what's next?
- Two, online dating.
- Tried that.
Are you sure you want to--
- Yes.
- But it's a little--
- I'm not on Tinder looking for love, okay?
- Okay.
- My mom said my dad got her to go out with him
while she was working as a waitress,
and every day he would come in and ask her out.
- Persistence, that's three.
- You and Mara used to date.
Were you guys like, you know, in love?
- I don't wanna talk about it.
- You know, college.
- Drew and I met at Bennigan's.
I was a hostess with a dream and an early 20s bod
and every time I walked in, he had a compliment for me.
So we started taking our breaks together.
Kept waiting for him to ask me out, and he never did.
So I asked him to go Fast and Furious 6.
- I love those movies.
- Yeah, yeah I know you do.
- Would we like more drinks?
- No.
- No, thanks. - Shots.
- No.
- So bear with me.
Cheating with somebody and then it turns real.
- That doesn't happen.
- How do you even trust each other afterwards?
- Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were, you know,
gettin' together while he was still with Jennifer Aniston.
- They're getting a divorce.
(laughing)
- No, really. - Huh, no.
- Fine, whatever, cheating turned real.
- My parents had an arranged marriage.
- [Girl] Is that really love, though?
- [Mara] I guess it's kind of like Stockholm Syndrome,
except my dad's a pretty nice guy.
- Arranged marriage is six.
Stockholm Syndrome is seven.
So I just need to find a captive
and hope they fall in love with me.
- The Beauty and the Beast method.
- Oh my God, she fell in love with her captor.
- I was having sex with this one girl once for a few months.
We'd known each other for a while,
and one day after this particularly strenuous session,
she says that she thinks she loves me.
And at the time I didn't wanna bone anybody else,
so I thought I loved her, too.
- What about love at first sight?
- [Paul] Cliched but fun.
- High school sweethearts.
♫ In the hard fallin' rain
♫ In the night
- You could get set up by friends.
- And thank you all, by the way, for the numerous setups
you keep volunteering.
- You told my friend Erica you thought she was poor.
- I didn't say she was poor.
I said she was missing out on our company's 401K match.
- What about like a reality TV show?
- I don't even feel like you're committed
to this relationship.
- [Man] I'm committed.
- I think I'm falling in love with you.
- I think I am, too.
- What about shared pain?
- Pain?
♫ Hold back our fears from entering
♫ We shut the curtains every day
- Shit, that's dark.
- I'll allow it.
Grief is 13.
- That's it, right?
- Is there anything else?
- Hey, wrap this shit up.
We closed like 20 minutes ago.
- Oh, sorry. - Oh.
- So sorry. - Thank you.
- You take checks? - Now what?
- Now what what?
- You know all 13 ways you can fall in love.
What now?
- I guess I just have to try them out.
- And if none of them work?
- Wanna get hitched for convenience?
- Fuck off.
♫ Teach me the song and I will sing it
♫ Show me the bell and I will ring it
♫ Because I'm sure tomorrow