Hey there! You want to know what the best advice is
that Oprah said she ever got?
Watch till the end of this video,
and you're going to find out.
Hey, I'm Rebecca Zung, and I am an attorney
and I am an author,
and I am a narcissist negotiation expert.
That's what I do.
I teach people how to negotiate,
and especially with toxic personalities,
regardless of the type of relationship you're in,
whether it's a business relationship,
a personal relationship, it's in your career,
it's in your family, whatever it is
if you're having to negotiate with narcissist
then I'm your girl.
And so make sure that you subscribe
and hit that notification bell.
So let's talk about Oprah.
So I was just watching something recently
and I thought it was really, really fascinating.
She was talking about the best advice that she ever got.
And I thought, "Wow, that is such a thing
that I can totally apply to negotiating
and especially with difficult people."
So, what she said was that she was getting ready
to open her school, and she was super excited
about this school that she had started in Africa.
And she said to Maya Angelou, "Oh my God, I'm so excited.
Like this is going to be my legacy.
This is going to be the thing for me.
This is the thing that lives on long after me."
And Maya Angelou said,
"You have no idea what your legacy is.
Because it's every single person you've ever touched."
And I just thought that was so powerful
because, when you're dealing with a toxic personality
you get really, really mired in what's going on with you.
It's like so easy to get sucked into victim mode
because they just are so good at making your life crazy,
and wreaking havoc and making you feel paranoid frankly,
because everybody, they're lining up their flying monkeys,
they're out there talking to everybody, they're lying.
And by the way, if you want to know more about
what happens when you catch narcissists in a lie
definitely check out my video on that topic.
But you know, they're out there doing all of these things
and they want you to feel paranoid.
They want you to feel isolated.
They want you to feel like you can't ever get past this.
And I have a whole video on
the narcissist favorite sayings, by the way
so, if you want to check that out definitely do that.
But while they're saying things to you, like, you know
"No one else thinks this, or everyone else thinks that"
or "You're the only one who does this" or whatever.
And you're trying to figure out your way
out of this freaking black hole,
like claw your way out of it,
it's really hard to focus on anything other than that.
But one of the things that I have really found
is that it's important to learn how to shift your mindset
and not be focusing on you being a victim,
because that's the way that you're going to start
to feel more powerful.
That's the way that you're going to start to shift it around.
Part of the reason why they feel
this power and control over you
is because they sense your fear.
They sense your weakness.
They sense that you're somebody
who they can get away with this with, to be honest with you
because they can suck that narcissistic supply
out of that situation.
Remember, they're either going to get supply from you
by your adulation and using you to do things for them
and being there to be their punching bag,
and if they can't get supply that way,
then they're going to figure out a different way
to get supply out of you
and that's going to look like, you know,
devaluing and diminishing and making you squirm
and intimidating you and scaring you
and all that sort of thing,
'cause they get supply out of that too.
It's anything that feeds their ego.
So the best way to start to shift this
is to start thinking about,
first of all, how can you use your life
to be a light to others?
How can you start serving?
The best way to get out of your head
is to start thinking about, how can I help people
who will appreciate it?
How can I use my gifts to be of service to the world?
Whether it's in my professional life,
or in my personal life, it really doesn't matter.
You know, being the highest expression of yourself
and being conscious of that.
And when you're like in that mode,
if they're doing this to me
and they're making me feel this way,
and all that sort of thing, that's victim mode
and that does not allow you to serve your highest purpose.
And she said in that same interview
that one of the things that moved her the most
was the letter that somebody had written to her saying that,
"Watching you be your authentic self,
makes me want to be my authentic self."
And so think about what that means for you.
What does that mean to be your authentic self?
I know for sure that when you're trying
to wrap things up with narcissists, it's never, I mean,
for them you're either for them or against them, you know?
You feel like you want to just have a nice conclusion.
I tried to do that with a person
that was a business partner of mine
and it just didn't work,
because they can't, you're either for them or against them.
And if you're against them
then you're public enemy number one
and so they have to turn it into a thing.
So, you know, there's no like seeing each other later
and being on nice terms or whatever.
I mean, I've had people in my life
that were not narcissists where I was like,
"Okay, this isn't working",
maybe it was a business relationship
that we just decided that, you know,
it wasn't going to be the best thing
for each other to continue on,
and I'm on great terms with them.
So it really is about the other person like
and how they're perceiving things,
and how the world occurs for them.
But, that doesn't mean
that you have to lose yourself in the process.
And that doesn't mean that you have to stop
showing up in the world as your authentic self.
And being that person who can even be an example to others
and have that be your legacy.
So, I love this quote from Sun Tzu that says,
And that's what I'm teaching you guys how to do right here
in these videos by listen,
you can find a way to get them to come
to the conclusion that you want them to,
sometimes without even having to say a word.
But sometimes you have to kind of push it
over the edge a little bit
by ethically manipulating the manipulator.
But there are things that you can do,
strategy wise, tactics wise, leverage wise,
that allows you to get to the conclusion that you want,
without getting bloodied and bludgeoned in the process,
and really showing up as your authentic self
and having that be the person that you are in the world.
And that's the true gold strategy right there.
So, that's how I want you guys to be,
that's what I'm teaching you how to do,
you can come to the conclusion that you want,
you can do this, never give up, never give in,
you only fail if you stop trying.
And if you are negotiating with anyone
I want you to grab my free
Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet, for sure, get that at
and join my free private Facebook group.
I mean, we have so many people in there
who are helping each other, supporting each other,
cheering each other on.
The support is there for you
so take it and it's totally free.
So just come on, join us.
And if you like this video by the way
give it a like, give it a share.
I want you to tell me that you're showing up for yourself.
And I want you to put that in the comments right now,
I'm going to look for that,
so put that in the comments below
and if you haven't subscribed to my channel
make sure you do that now
subscribe and hit that notification bell.
And just remember that today's always the perfect day
to start negotiating your best life,
and I will definitely see you in the next video.