*wapish*
Top of the morning to ya laddies, my name is Jacksepticeye,
and welcome to 'The Aftermath'!
Which is a very 'Papers, Please' type of game
Listen to the music.
That is so 'Papers, Please',
it's like 'Papers, Please' meets '60 Seconds'.
The- the intro music for that kinda had that, like,
'bomp, BOMP, BOMP' kinda feel to it, as well, so..
This is "Papers, Please" for Heaven and Hell!
So I have to determine if people are good enough that they're going to Heaven,
or bad enough, that they're going to Hell.
So, I'm like Peter in Limbo.
I'm just sitting here, drinking all my OJ,
stamping people's forms, coming up.
So let's get into it!
*reads on-screen text*
Right!
About fucking time-
*reads instruction*
O-kay.
Daa- those are not the controls, the controls are backwards to that-
Right!
I love this music!
It feels like I should be conducting it- I don't have a pen... I do!
*sings along with background music*
Sing along!
*imitates opera singer*
Right.
Okay. Who's our first candidate?
*reads info on paper*
Enrico?!
You- No!
Enrico, you stole medicine...
Well... What was it for,
Was it for your dying Granny,
or you wanted to get hiiigh as a moh-fuker.
But you always killed bugs, Enrico-
I'm sorry, but...
DETAINED!!!!
STRAIGHT TA- You're not gettin into Glory Greatest.
You're goin' straight ta Glory..
Worst!
The.. fuckin'- HELL!!
Clark Pratt.
Also...
Chris Pratt's grandfather.
*reads info on paper*
My passions are... 'CHESS'T!
*reads info on paper*
Ohh...
You killed a cat, you're not a nice person!
Clark Pratt, come on, man!
"Has inherited mental disorders-" Okay, what kind of mental disorders, though?
I need a bit more info than this!
Is it- did the mental disorders make you kill the cat?
Oh! I don't know!
Killing kitties...
is really bad-
What age were you when you killed the cat?
Were you old enough to 'know'?
I'mma give you a second chance, Clark Pratt!
I'm sorry.
Just don't be killing any our- any of our heaven cats, okay?
I'M WATCHING YOU, CLARK PRATT!
I'll send Chris after you...
Alright! Who's up next?
Jacqueline Hansman.
*reads info on paper*
Ahm...
I- uf- I'm sorry, but...
Murdered your wife,
"-who was suspected of abusing their child-"
I- uh- ahm-
"Abusing their child." Yes. That's terrible. That's awful.
But you call the cops!
Or Child Services, or SOMEbody!
You don't fucking kill them!
Jacqueline!
I'm sorry,
but get the fuck out,
DETAINED!
No Glory Greatest for you!
You know-
you know what we're gonna do?
Actually...
We're gonna fucking...
this is what's happening...
we're gonna do this.
I might not be able to fuckin' wear the headphones, after this... but-
this is what's happening
right now. Fucking glory greatest,
up in this bitch.
'Kay.
The headphones are gonna be around my neck
I'm gonna turn them up, so I can still hear them.
*sings along with background music*
Right. O-kay. Who's next?
David Zeigner, from Kosovo.
*reads info on paper*
I, mean, that's irrelevant, right now-
You ate, a bird, alive?!
AND you spit in others' drinks!
Oh, mercy me.
DETAINED!
You are going straight to the H-E-double hockey sticks.
Fuck you, dude.
Eating birds.
Okay.
Tom, Thompson.
I'm sure he got bullied for THAT name, in school.
*reads info on paper*
That's a very... ordinary name for a Brazilian..
I woulda thought you had something very 'exotic'-sounding.
Brazilian names are always very exotic and nice.
*reads info on paper*
-I mean, I don't fuckin' get this one.-
*reads info on paper*
I mean...
Stuff here.. doesn't seem too bad...
"Never saying 'Thank you'"? That makes you a little bit of a D-bag.
That makes you a little bit of a *pftt*
But,
"Couldn't go to school young"? That's not really not that bad.
"Build a gigantic mansion"?
I mean,
You're into Satanism, so
I'm gonna send you down to... ah...
Fuckin'...
Lucifer, bro.
And then you'll be down there and you'll be like,
"Hey! What's up? Yeah, I kinda worship you."
Or whatever.
Okay!
Jade, B- Bodrock.
From Dominica
"Age 7". Eugh.
That's a little young...
*reads info on paper*
"Farts in cars?!"
Come on, Jade!
You can't be doing that, you-
you not rolling down that rindow-
if you not rollin' down that window, everyone else in that car is gonna suffocate.
And then, it- it...
You can't spell 'suffer',
without 'suffocate'.
...That didn't make any sense.
"Lost their ring 2 days after the wedding" At age seven?
Whaat?
Uh, "Makes the best muffins in the neighbourhood".
I mean,
that's- that...
Come on into Heaven, Jade.
I'm still weirded out by the fact that you lost your ring two days after the wedding and you're age 7?
I mean, I'm not gonna judge you, or anything like that, but...
[whispers] what?
Also! Come on into Heaven and build us, or make us some of those fucking tasty-ass muffins, yo.
Another Jade!
Jane von- Jade von Gogh. Or Gawg...t.
I don't know how to actually pronounce that name. Sorry.
*reads info on paper*
Okay, you and the other Jade can bake and cook together, and make us some tasty meals!
*reads info on paper*
That's not that bad. We need a good cook up in Heaven.
Get on up there.
I mean, we need your heavenly scents up IN Heaven.
It would be fuckin' great- It's actually, it's actually quite nice up here
Oh wait- I'm supposed to be in Limbo. Not heaven. I, I'm mid-way. I'm in Middle Earth! This sucks!
Can I have a raise?! Could I-
Bastards!
Never... fuckin'... *sighs*
They don't even give us Casual Friday.
Linus Orfelds- Another Orfelds!
*reads info on paper*
So, a- are you like "heterophobic"?
Ahm...
Just because I sent the last two to Heaven, ah- DETAINED!
get the fuck out of Glory Greatest.
You're not allowed in here.
-how many of these things do I have to do?
Stanley Gouda.
[slight Italian accent] Ha ha, like-a-da cheese. Das a gouda joke!
*reads info on paper*
-Archery's pretty sick, bro...
*reads info on paper*
Ahm...
I don't know about you, Stanley!
Hmm. Do you deserve to gome- come to Glory Greatest?
I mean- What- what do you guys think. Should I let him in?
Ye- Yea- Yeah. Okay, okay. Come on in.
[Russian accent] TO GLORY GREATEST! HEAVEN PROUD!
Not Arstotzka. Anymore. Sadly.
Ah, Felip Parker.
*reads info on paper*
That's a great combination!
You go out, get yourself a little snack, you come back, and solve a Rubix Cube.
-or you go out shopping for Rubix Cubes.
*reads info on paper*
"-is a professional procrastinator" I know this one all too well, buddy boy.
And the fridge one.
And the game- Ah, come on.
Is thi- Is this me?
No, 'cause I don't like puzzle-solving.
I do like shopping, though! For food! That I can raid the fridge. And for games.
And for... no, I can't shop for procrastination. Maybe I can procrastinate by shopping!
Ah... 'puzzle-solving'? That's not me too much- This isn't about me.
Ah, yeah, you can come into Glory Greatest. Come on in, bro! Little Potato Man.
"Quit."
"Just one last sheet."
O-kay...
*reads info on paper*
Oh! This is me!
Oh ho ho ho!
I'm Intern #5791.
Country: Unknown.
Feels like Ireland.
Ah, "Male"- How did you know?
"Age: 24" Ok, you didn't. *chuckles*
I are the 26-ness. Not 24.
"Passions: Games" Ok, you got me.
Ah, "Sent 5 people to Hell, and sent 5 people to Heaven".
Well now I have to send myself!
Oh no!
I mean, that's a pretty good job, that's a pretty good, like, half-and-half I got going on there.
Not too many in, not too many out, that's a pretty good average!
So, I'mma send myself to Heaven,
Because I want to be part of, ah, Glory Greatest- And I don't want to go down to um, Detention.
And then the game just ends. *laughs*
Fucking hell. Okay! Well, I guess that does it for this game.
I'm off to Heaven, see you later, suckers! Ha!
All those people going down to Hell.
I mean, that one guy who was... into Satanism,
He's probably happy that he's down there.
Not for the pitchforks in the arse, but probably for the whole, like,
"Hey, I worship you." kinda thing. But-
That went pretty well.
I think I did a pretty good job, there.
I mean, there was nobody...
committing any sort of heinous atrocities, like ah
"murdered 14 people", or anything like that-
There was one, that dude, who
fuckin' ate a bird, alive?
I don't know, what- I mean,
Whatever you're into, bro,
I'm not gonna judge you too harshly, but, you're a fucking freak.
*chuckles*
That was a fun game!
I like these little types of Flash games, where it's just like 'One-and-Done'.
LIke, these little one-offs, every now and then, are really, really nice
they're a nice change of pace.
And I like playing...
free games that you can go off and download for yourselves, and go in and see
I wonder if the names are all randomized- I assume they are.
It feels like that type of game that would randomize all the names for it.
So, GO IN!!
Play it for yourselves! I'll leave a link in the description, as I always do
For you to go and download it, and see what kind of names you get. Or-
let me know what like, the worst thing you got, cuz I didn't get anyone that was anything, like, super bad.
Nobody did anything, like horrible, like murdered a person, or anything like that.
Or, like,
I don't know. There are some crimes I don't want to say.
But, you know what I mean, like
Somebody lost a ring after 2 days of marriage, even though they were 7
But,
I want to see if you get anything like
"Somebody...
threw a basketball at a child's head."
That would be... actually... pretty funny... to hear that... not in real life, but in the game. But anyway!
Thank you guys, so much for watching this episode,
If you liked it,
punch the like button, in the face,
LIKE A BOSS! And,
high-fives all around.
*wapish*
But thank you guys, and I will see all you dudes,
[high voice] IN THE NEXT VIDEO!
[outro music plays]
[Russian accent] GLORY TO ARSTOTSKA! GREATEST COUNTRY, MOTHER PROUD!
Oh, it's been a while since I did that. The, the... oh.
I need to get the muscles back for it-
DETAINED!
There we go. That was, that was a good one.