Transcriber: Grace Pang Reviewer: Hani Eldalees
Think about meeting someone for the first time.
What is the typical question they ask you?
What do you do for a living? Where are you from?
People ask this question to connect with you on a more personal level.
My husband is from Arizona, so people find it very relatable.
They can talk about the desert weather,
the Grand Canyon or sports team they support.
When it comes to my answer, I always hesitate and have to take a deep breath.
I was born and raised in Ukraine, I moved to Poland to study in college,
and in 2016 I decided to move to the U.S.
And then the conversation takes the whole 180,
as everyone looks at me and I answer questions about my background,
people will tell me a few things they know about Ukraine,
which sometimes are not at all about Ukraine.
They’ll compliment me on my English level.
And even though I don't always like to get into it,
most of my interactions are positive, but certainly a stress
over meeting new people.
Most immigrants, however, are not white women who had
the privilege to learn English.
According to Pew Research,
most immigrants came from Mexico, India, China and the Philippines,
and only 47% of all immigrants living in the US five years
or less are proficient in English.
So when answering that, “Where are you from?” question,
it may feel like an interrogation,
makes them feel threatened or not welcome.
That stressor that I feel when when answering these questions is multiplied
for an immigrant of color.
[Integration Versus Assimilation] In January of 2021, President Biden
proposed a bill that would change the word assimilation
to integration as it pertains to immigrants.
Now, let me tell you why the wording is important.
Assimilation means reflecting and taking on language,
values and beliefs of the dominant culture.
It means that the person that moves here with time should not be distinguished
from the one born here. Assimilation,
The word assimilation promotes exclusion of other groups and leaves too much
for interpretation to an individual. You don't look like me.
I hear you speaking a different language. You don't practice my religion.
We're different. Therefore, you didn't assimilate. You don't fit. The standard
integration, on the other hand, does not stop you from who you are.
We are to be integrated into
the US society while keeping parts of our own culture and adjusting to
the new one. Integration promotes creating a new culture together
and embracing the gaps in our intercultural knowledge.
If you've ever attended any psychology lectures,
you may be familiar with the stages of cultural adaptation.
It looks something like this. Stage one is the honeymoon.
The excitement stage for me it was see Wal-Mart for the first time
and being absolutely astonished by the amount of choice
and Oreo flavors offered. Stage two is the negotiation,
distress and crisis stage.
For me, it was when I started working in my immigration paperwork figured out
that I couldn't have a job for a while, that I need a car,
a driver's license and learn how to drive.
Stage three is the reintegration stage, the gradual adjustment humor.
This is the best one. When you finally realize cultural phenomena,
catch up on all the movie references,
gain perspective on differences and similarities of your cultures.
My first year in America, my husband said football games on tonight and I was
so excited only to realize he didn't mean this football.
This is called soccer in America. And finally stage four
the autonomy stage feeling at home adaptation biculturalism feel like you
belong. And I frequently ask myself, are you there yet?
It's been five years since I moved here and I don't think I have an answer.
The feeling at home and full adaptation just sounds
a lot like assimilation to me.
The last stage of achieving a true American identity, whatever that is.
Personally, I am in constant identity crisis,
but that's a given for a millennial.
Beyond just looking who I am as a person,
I have to constantly think of who I am as a cultural being.
Am I relatable when I tell my story?
Doesn’t my employer see value in my culture? and my assimilating too much
and leaving my heritage behind?
There's always this strong feeling to either assimilate and be treated as
an American or only be treated as a foreigner or an alien.
In answering the Where are you from question. What do I say?
I have lived in Ukraine for ten years at this point. Am I still from there?
In twenty eighteen, the US immigrant population reached about forty five
million people for reference. That's the population of Ukraine.
Or about a reference. That's
the population of these twenty three US states and territories combined,
do you think all forty five million of us have reached
the total biculturalism stage?
And what about immigrants that immigrated more than once?
Like me, with multiple cultural identities,
how do we make sure that we connect to
the person behind their origin story with people that are not only bicultural
but multicultural and multilingual?
All these questions are not addressed by the adaptation stage or the assimilation.
A modern American does not live in a vacuum.
We live in the most dynamic society in the world, interlaced with social,
racial and ethnic identities.
As immigrants, we're constantly seeking balance and I always have this fear
and worry about my sense of belonging. But I'm not alone.
It appears that sense of worthiness and belonging are at
the pillar of successful integration to a new society.
In my research for this talk, I came to this.
We should integrate together with immigrants instead of waiting
for them to assimilate. Learning another perspective is fascinating
and around to a better understanding.
In a truly multicultural society,
if we want to make real change and integrate instead of assimilating,
we have a lot of learning and unlearning to do.
Our brains love to find patterns and put labels on people.
We all collect these mental boxes based on media stereotypes, good or bad,
or people that we've met. We go to these boxes to retrieve assumptions
and ease our brains that love to make everything certain.
Meaningful connections, however, line understanding and mutual respect,
not in our origins or IDs.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable in these difficult conversations and embrace
the uncertainty. Let someone tell you what they identify with instead of
assuming. Let someone else speak regardless of their language ability.
If someone tells you their story, resist the urge of putting them in the box.
And every time you meet a new person, you take a deep breath instead. Thank you.