Hi, I'm Paul Friedman founder of The Marriage Foundation and today's topic is
"How Poor Communication Skills Destroy a Marriage" and I want to be very clear
that although communication skills are important. There's two steps beneath that
that are more important. One is what is your intent what you're trying to convey
to your spouse is more important actually
than the skills with which you deliver your message, the intention.
Beneath that, there is the sincerity. Are you actually communicating from a place
of reality? Or, are you just wanting to find communication skills to cover-up
your true feelings? Which would not be a good thing, so I think it's pretty
obvious how poor communication skills will destroy a marriage. Maybe it's
because I've been there when I was a divorce mediator and I would see couples
who were coming in for a divorce and it didn't take me very long to realize why
they were getting a divorce. One of the spouses would roll their eyes that's a
communication. One of the spouses would go, another communication. One of the
spouses would interrupt the other spouse almost constantly, another would finish
sentences and they were never accurate but they thought they were. These are
examples of how poor communication skills get in the way. Now what makes it
worse is that oftentimes people don't communicate really what
they're feeling but they're feeling something at the moment
and they blurt it out that's a better way to put it. The rolling of the eyes,
the exasperated breath these are all momentary reactions to something that
they're hearing right now and that's why it's important to learn skills
techniques and methods of communication in marriage. Now I just said
communication in marriage and that's because it's very different
from your normal communication in the rest of the world. Understand that your
marriage is a unique venue and it requires a unique system of
communication. Look, the easiest way to learn communication in marriage is not
to go and get one of these books like the secret love communications or men
are from Pluto and women are from Australia. Don't bother with that
stuff, it's trendy it's cute but you need the real thing which is what I put
together in both of my books. Remember I was a divorce mediator, I've seen the
worst that was before I became a marriage saver but
I want to share something that's much more important for you to understand
before we part. Remember why you got married. You got married to be happy and
so did your spouse so all of your communication because it's your spouse
and you vow to love them make all of your communication, communication that
will make them happy and please don't hit me with the what-ifs. I used to talk
about the "what if birds" when I was working with couples and I'd
say, "Oh here we go, here are the what if birds." Ignore those what-ifs, very simple
rule. If you're gonna communicate to your spouse, communicate something loving but
what if no, no. No what-ifs, communicate something loving. Look, I hope that you
got something out of this little video. If you'd like to communicate with me go
ahead and use the comment box below and if you like this share it. Share with
your spouse, share with your friends and like it too.
It makes a difference and I appreciate you. Blessings to you, and blessings to
your spouse, and blessings to your family.