- Welcome guys, my name is Tiffanie Taylor,
I'm one of the pastors at Life Church.
And I'm so thankful to be a part of this conversation
that we're having here today
which is about suicide prevention.
And before I introduce you guys
to some awesome professionals
that we're gonna be talking with,
I just wanna let you know this topic is so important to me
and I believe it has a place within the church
because in my life personally I've had someone
that has attempted to take their life
and let me just tell you,
having a church family surrounding me was so important
and also just having the knowledge
to know what to do in that scenario
it was just really beneficial,
and I believe that this is gonna be a conversation
that's gonna help many of you.
So, I'm excited to introduce to you
three awesome people that we have here today.
Jenna and Michael are two licensed counselors,
and then we've also go Austin here
who's a pastor for Church Online.
So, I'm excited to have you guys here,
thank you so much for being a part of this conversation.
We have a lot of mixed messages that are being sent to them,
either through the media or through TV shows, about suicide.
So I would just really love to talk to you guys
about what are some key things
people need to know about suicide.
- Well, Tiffanie, I think the first thing
that needs to be brought to attention
would be awareness.
There are typically five areas that you can look for.
One of those, to start, would be eating habits.
People that are either eating too much, not eating enough.
Sleeping patterns begin to change.
They either oversleep, are not getting enough sleep.
Their exercise habits change.
Again, either overdoing it
or just completely lacking in it at all.
Isolation.
They avoid relationships that they typically would have.
Friends, family, people they'd normally keep in touch with.
They just begin to isolate and distance themselves.
And the last one is personal interests.
So, things that they normally you know they enjoy
or that you know you enjoy
and you just have no interest in participating in those,
whether it's sports, activities, music, video games,
whatever that may be,
you just have a lack of motivation and interest
in all of those.
Depression is not to be confused with sadness.
Sadness is a feeling.
Feelings are like your check engine light on a car.
When the check engine light comes on,
it is a sensor to tell you
that something is wrong with your car.
The sensor, the check engine light, is not the problem,
but it is telling you that there is a problem.
If you continue to drive the car
and ignore the check engine light,
the problem doesn't go away,
it just causes more problems and it gets worse
until eventually the car does not function as it should.
So, likewise, an individual that has feelings,
whether this is sadness, anger, confusion,
anything that is coming up within them
and they choose to ignore it,
well, the problems don't go away,
they just continue to get worse
until you find yourself in a place
of what we call emotional numbness.
And emotional numbness is where you are not really able
to feel anything at all.
You may find yourself in places
where I know this should make me angry,
but I just don't feel angry.
I should be deeply saddened by this loss
or something I'm going through, but I just can't feel it.
Even happiness.
This should make me really excited and I've got nothing.
So, noticing those types of symptoms
or things that you may notice in friends or even in yourself
that could be a good indication
that depression is setting in.
- Usually, the things that we say
reflect what's on the inside.
So, if you ever hear one of your friends say something like,
"I'm ready to just end it all,"
or, "The pain that I'm experiencing is just unbearable.
"I feel like I'm such a burden on other people
"and maybe it would be better
"if I just wasn't around anymore."
When you hear things like that,
and maybe sometimes they won't be that obvious,
that should be a warning sign
and you always wanna take those things seriously
and never just brush it off and think
maybe they're having just a bad day.
It's better to say something, speak up about it,
ask them about it, than to say nothing.
Because you'd rather be wrong than to be right
and let something like that go
without putting any notice to it.
Because it could be a cry for help from them.
- Yeah, yeah.
And Jenna, can you talk a little bit about assessment.
How do we assess if we think someone
may be struggling with suicidal thoughts?
- Well, it's definitely important
to ask them what's going on.
A lot of people think that just by asking,
"Are you feeling suicidal, are you feeling depressed?"
that it actually encourages one to commit suicide,
and that is not true.
It's actually been proven
that that helps start the conversation
to where then maybe they feel like they can ask for help.
- How would a student approach another friend,
how would they ask them that question?
- The important thing is to come to them within love
and to come to them with a calm spirit and just say,
hey, I'm concerned about some of the things
that you've exhibiting or saying
and I'm just curious as to what's going on.
Is there something that we need to explore further?
Is there something that I can do to help you,
whatever that may be?
The second thing would be to listen.
So, when they do talk to you, it is important to make sure
that you actually listen to what they have to say
and that they feel heard and not judged
and that they can confide in you,
that you're not gonna run around
and tell all of your friends or people at school.
The third one is connect.
So, connect your friends with a trusted relationship,
whether that might be a small group leader,
a trusted friend, a family member, maybe a parent,
somebody who can help them get the tools
and resources that they need,
whether that be with a counselor
or maybe even getting them inpatient.
- I think a trusty relationship is so key.
There may be some people
that if they are struggling with this,
struggling with depression,
they may be really scared to go talk to a counselor.
What's something that you would say
to encourage people to not be afraid
of coming to talk to a counselor
and letting them know what's going on?
- The key factor to remember is we're humans too
and we're here to help you.
We're here to advocate you
and we're here to help you feel comfortable,
and part of that is building a relationship.
And we're just humans wanting to have a conversation
and get you the help that you need to feel better.
In terms of inpatient it can be scary
but if it's something that is important to you,
having your family and having those friends that you trust
be by your side can really be helpful
to make the process a lot easier.
- I think the last thing is prevention.
So, this is really the most important part,
I think, of this conversation,
is how do we prevent someone from taking their own life?
- I would say that communication and relationships
are the most key factor
into getting this out and into the open.
So whether you are noticing these things
or a friend that is in this situation
or whether you're experiencing them yourself,
silence can be your worst enemy.
So, finding a trusted adult in your life,
telling them what's going on or just vocalizing in general
that something's not right is in your best interest.
- An important thing is to remember
is that these people care about you
and that there is not gonna be judgment on their part
and that they want you to get help,
and so keeping that in mind
whenever it may be hard to understand or hard to process
or even communicate what you're feeling,
that's just one of the key things,
it's just remember that these people love you
and want to seek help for you.
- You may also have somebody that comes to you
and asks you to walk through this journey with them,
and one thing that we love to get to do
with people who are just going through this journey
and trying to get to a healthy place
is to pray with them.
We believe in the power of prayer,
we believe that God hears our prayers
and that he's our answer.
So, I have a list here of just a few things that we can pray
over people who are going through a tough time.
First, that God would help them experience the healing
that they need to have in their life.
We just wanna help them get to a healthy place
and we believe that God can be
a crucial part of that journey with them.
And he's probably going to use people
like professional counselors,
but we know that at the end of the day
all of that healing really comes from Christ.
- Absolutely, yeah.
- You can also pray with them that they would know
that God's always in control.
Sometimes when you're in that situation
it feels like everything is just out of your control.
What do I really have control over in my life?
Well, we can trust at the end of the day
that God is in control
and that he has a great plan for your life.
And then of course you can pray with them
that they would understand the love and the value
that God has for them.
That are God's masterpiece creation,
created by him to do good works,
and that at the end of the day they're a child of God.
You can always pray those things with them
as a reminder that their identity is in Christ
and not in what's happening in their life.
- Yeah, just like Austin said,
it is through Jesus that we know that we have value,
we know that we are worth something,
and we know that our identity lies in Jesus.
And it says right here in Romans 8:38 and 39, it says this.
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life,
"neither angels nor demons,
"neither the present nor the future nor any powers,
"neither height nor depth
"nor anything else in all creation
"will be able to separate us from the love of God
"that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Let's just be real.
You're hearing things like "You don't matter,"
you're hearing things like "I'm not worthy,"
you're hearing things like "Man, it wouldn't matter,
"it wouldn't make any difference to anybody
"if I wasn't here on this earth anymore."
And I just gotta tell you.
That is a lie straight from the enemy's mouth.
You've gotta know that your worth, it lies in Jesus.
You have a plan and purpose for your life
and God's created you specifically to impact other people
in your time here on earth.
And you've gotta believe that.
And so I just wanna take a moment right now
and pray for each and every one of us in this room tonight.
God, we come before you right now.
We're so thankful that we get to be a part of this church
and God that we get to have conversations like this.
And God we believe that you're working in this moment,
that you're moving in each and every one of our lives.
And God if there's someone here
that needs to hear your truth,
God, I pray that they would hear it.
I pray that this message would speak to them.
God, that they would know that their identity lies in you,
that you have a son, Jesus,
that came down to this earth to die specifically for them.
And God that you have given them a purpose and a meaning
for how they're going to live out
the rest of their days here.
And God I pray if there's someone that's struggling
with thoughts of taking their own life,
I pray that you would give them the courage to speak up now,
that they will not leave this room tonight
without sharing with someone
that they're struggling or that they need help.
And God if there are people that have friends
or family members that they know
that are struggling with this,
I pray you will give them also the courage to reach out,
to ask the questions,
and to help them get the help that they need.
God, we love you and thank you so much for your son Jesus,
and it's in his name we pray.
Amen.