- Let's get to our first guest, though.
He is very funny, very talented.
I love him so much.
I do think he stole a guitar off the wall
the last time he was at our show.
So he's a kleptomaniac, it's fine.
His new podcast is called, Black Box.
You can listen on Apple, Spotify,
and wherever you get your podcasts.
Give it up for Joel McHale!
(audience cheers)
Oh my gosh!
- Hello.
- [Kelly] Hello! - Come on guys!
- [Kelly] Oh, they are adorable.
- [Joel] Yeah.
- [Kelly] Oh my God.
- Picked these up on the lot.
They were just wandering around here at Universal.
Oh, come on.
There we go, you're okay.
You're okay, come on.
- [Kelly] He's like, the stairs are freaky.
There you go.
- [Joel] There we go, come on.
Come on guys, it's fine.
- Oh my gosh, you brought pigs.
- These are for you.
- You're so kind.
- Happy new, thank you.
- It's good to see you.
- All right. - Come on over.
- [Joel] Nice to see you, come here guys.
- I'm like, how do you get a- Oh, can I feed?
I want, can I feed?
- Yeah, do you want to feed them?
- Yes. - I hope this works.
- Okay, okay.
(pig squealing) - Hi.
- Their names are Spiderman and MJ.
- Oh my God, I love it.
Do you want some?
- And I just named them 10 seconds ago.
(audience laughs) Here you go, you just stay up there.
- You want it? - There we are.
Yeah, I'll do-
- Oh, it's everywhere, but it's okay.
- As you know, I'll do anything for ratings.
- Do I know how to do this? - You're doing great.
- Do I know how to do it?
- [Joel] You clearly have done this with babies.
- [Kelly] Like I'm trying.
- [Joel] Where you dangle the bottle over them.
- [Kelly] I'm trying.
- [Joel] It makes them want it.
- [Kelly] I'm trying so hard.
- Do it.
- I'm failing, you try.
- Well, it's matcha, so I don't know if-
- Oh.
- There you go, bud.
Yeah, they usually-
- [Kelly] Oh my gosh.
- Where are you going?
- [Kelly] Where are you going?
- Kelly, my goal is for you
to never ask me a single question.
That you'll just be completely distracted the entire time.
- I never knew I wanted a little pig.
- [Joel] Well, the good news is, in about two years,
they'll be 600 pounds a piece.
- [Kelly] Oh my gosh.
- So, that's a fun, fun animal to have in your home.
- I've actually had pigs before, in Texas.
- Really?
- Yeah, but I, they were on a farm.
They were like on our rescue farm.
So they weren't like a, they were a pet,
but we rescued them.
I didn't have them from like a, you know, piglet.
- You didn't raise them?
- [Kelly] Yeah, I couldn't think of the word, thank you.
- [Joel] No no, it's-
- Raise them.
- See I,
I do raise pigs for a living.
- [Kelly] You do? - Yeah.
- [Kelly] You do so much, Joel.
- [Joel] I really, I'm very busy.
- Wait, so have you ever worked with any dangerous animals
or are they always this cute?
- They're, these are dangerous.
- [Kelly] They are?
- These are very dangerous.
They can poop at any time.
- [Kelly] On your pants.
- Yeah, I was,
one of my many canceled shows
I was on-
(audience laughs)
I am,
I am the cooler
when it comes to television shows Kelly.
- Oh, my god.
- Watch out after this airs.
(audience laughs)
And watch out for your jobs guys.
- [Kelly] We love you.
- [Joel] No, it was on, it was a,
it was a show called The Great Indoors on CBS
and I played, I had a lot of animals on it and,
and I, we had a baby bear.
Super sweet. - [Kelly] Oh wow!
- And then one time,
it just decided to see if,
you know, I was edible and-
- What, it bit you? - Yeah.
It bit me in the arm and,
they were like, "Just wear layers."
"Cause they're,
you know, they're curious about everything."
And I'm like,
"Curious to see what a human being tastes like?"
- [Kelly] What!?
- So the teeth, this is a great story.
The teeth aren't razor sharp.
They're for crushing.
So, it bit so hard, it didn't break skin or anything,
cause I was wearing, oh, I just let this one go.
All right, see you, you're free.
- You're free! - It's Babe!
You're free, run!
Oh, enjoy that carpet, that's a good one.
That's expensive. - [Kelly] Hi.
- That's out of Kelly's home from Texas.
- Yes, my Wayfair Collection.
(audience laughs)
Mark your spot.
- [Joel] It, it bit me, and in the moment it bit me,
I was holding it, and I dropped it.
(pig squealing)
And it landed fine.
And I was like, "I'm so sorry."
And the handler goes,
"It drops out of trees 30 feet," and-
- What?
- [Joel] And goes for runs afterwards.
He goes, "It'll be, you'll be, he's great."
- Oh my gosh.
- And that's why, now at the home,
I have a nine foot grizzly bear.
And
we're, look at that.
I mean, look at this, this is good TV.
- They're so cute.
- Who cares what I'm talking about right now?
Because look at this.
- [Kelly] Here's my question, though.
Speaking of animals, your wife posted
a video of your dog's reaction to a cut out of you.
So, I want to show everyone that.
- [Joel] Yeah.
(dog barking)
That's setting the pigs off.
- Does your dog,
does your dog not like you?
- It really shows how my family doesn't like me.
Yeah, that dog, well, he does,
apparently doesn't like me in two dimensions.
- [Kelly] Okay, it scared him.
- Yeah, so that cut out now
takes him for a walk each day and he's fine.
He's much more used to it, but that's Beanbag.
He's a nut job.
So he's our, he's, we have three dogs.
- I was gonna say you do love animals, though.
- We have a rabbit that lives in a shower,
and I'm not kidding.
- What?
- Well, all right, we had two rabbits,
and one of them, sadly, passed away,
and we were worried that it was that
something was going on with the cage.
So, my wife put it in the shower
and the rabbit
rejuvenated.
She's like St. Francis.
It,
it was great.
And now the, it just lives in the shower, near the kitchen.
And so, when people come over, and they do their business,
there's a bunny in the shower.
And so many of them come out and go,
"There's a
rabbit in your shower."
- In your bath.
- And you're like, and I'm like, "You're kidding!"
And then I run in there, and I was like-
We had two rabbits and
they would fight.
We found, what we, we were like, "What's going on?"
- I can't put my female bunnies near each other, they fight.
- [Joel] We had two men.
- Like rip at each other, oh.
- [Joel] And we noticed one of their ear,
like one of them was gnawing on the ear.
And then we took them to the vet,
and the vet goes, "Oh, it's what I thought."
"Yeah, one of your bunnies
ate the testicle off of the other bunny."
- You told me this.
I feel like we've had this conversation.
Oh my gosh, I forgot about that.
Yeah, I had to separate mine.
But mine is trying to get away, one of them.
- Right, well, I mean,
if another bunny was trying to remove its genitals,
then I would. - [Kelly] Yeah.
They don't touch each other.
- I would run away. - We have them separated.
- [Joel] Yeah, we didn't know.
We didn't get that rule until later.
- [Kelly] But mine also don't have a suite
in a, in a house with a bathtub.
- Well it's super nice. - [Kelly] Yeah.
- It's a spa treatment.
- [Kelly] I love it.
- We do a steam bath for the bunny.
The bunny's name is Junior Joey.
- Junior Joey? - What happened to the pigs?
- [Kelly] The pigs are fine.
They're somewhere, oh, there they are, okay, they're fine.
- They're now producing their own talk show.
- There's a lot of people here.
I'm sure they're fine.
- Guys, you want to come back?
No?
Again one's listening and that's,
that makes me so happy.
(audience laughs)
- We're back with Joel McHale
and the cutest piggies ever.
- They're back.
- I don't know if you respond like a dog, but all right.
Well, I have to say congratulations,
because you just turned 50 last year, that's amazing.
- I turned, yeah.
(audience cheers)
- [Kelly] I'm 40 this year.
So this one, it's a big year for me too.
- You turn 40 this year?
- Yeah, 40 this year, I turn in April, I turn 40.
- I just thought you were 29.
- You are so, I don't care about age.
I'm not like one of those women.
- I care.
- Oh, you do?
Does it affect you?
- Age is a dark tunnel that never ends.
(audience laughing)
- Well, it ends.
- Eventually.
- It does end.
- But, maybe I'm the one it doesn't happen to.
- I found the fountain. - Tell me how it works.
- Wait how, how did you celebrate?
- Oh, it was a big deal.
Man, people are still talking about it.
Clooney was there.
- Oh, my God. I don't have those kind of birthday's either.
- No, I- - Do you want some?
- I'm working in Georgia right now,
and I flew home for almost 30 hours.
- Oh.
- And then my, well, my kids, there's one-
So I have two very sarcastic sons.
- [Kelly] I wonder where they got it from?
- Shocker.
And
they, whenever my, I have a 13 year old,
that whenever I get excited about anything,
he just goes, "Calm down, it's not your birthday."
(audience laughs)
So I walked in, a huge sign that says,
"Calm down, it's not your birthday."
- That's kind of awesome.
- And it was my birthday.
And then also my-
I don't,
I don't like the Star Wars prequels.
We can argue about this later.
The ones that came out in the 90's.
That's a whole thing.
But then, my other son is just,
it said, "Prequel," everywhere around the home.
- Such a loving home.
- Yeah, I made dinner with my wife, for me.
- [Kelly] You made your birthday dinner?
- I made my birthday dinner.
And then I was like,
"I should be able to pick the movie tonight."
And they were like,
"Yeah, as long as it's King Richard."
So then, we watched King Richard.
- That's amazing.
- And I was like,
"I'm inspired at 50
to become a professional tennis player now."
It made me, it's funny watching Will Smith
playing Serena and Venus' dad.
I'm like, I feel sometimes I'm like, I'm the,
during that movie, I was like, "I'm the greatest dad."
And then I'm like, "Oh, I'm not very good dad at all."
"I'm not, I don't think I'm pushing my kids enough."
Or I'm like, "I'm, I'm doing great."
- [Kelly] You go back and forth?
- I do go back an forth.
So I called Will and just asked him more fatherly questions.
I don't know him, I wish I did.
I'm like, I'm like F list so-
- Here's the thing though.
People always say, I just had this conversation, actually,
right at the end of The Voice with Blake.
I was like, "I don't really,
I think they always think that celebrities like,
hang out with each other all the time."
And I'm like, "We're all working, just like everybody else."
There's not like, I'm not that person that like,
I have like friends with like,
you know, normal jobs,
whatever you would say normal is like.
- Yeah, what's a normal job to you?
- Well like, a normal job.
- Like a hitman?
- Like, yeah.
(audience laughs) - You know a lot of hitmen?
- [Kelly] Yes, I'm so crazy.
- You don't hang out with any celebrities?
Cause I hang out with Blake all the time.
- You do?
Actually, you two would get along swimmingly.
I don't know if y'all would ever get
one non-sarcastic word in there.
- I stole this shirt from him.
- The pearl snaps.
- No, I think people always,
yeah, think that we're all hanging out like-
- [Kelly] I know!
- Poolside. - [Kelly] I know.
- Like at a hotel somewhere.
- I don't have time.
- Yeah, and I- - Who has time, you have kids.
- And most, yeah, and they're usually terrible people.
(audience laughs)
I'm kidding.
- That's not why.
That's not why I don't.
I'm always just like,
I don't know if you have your own family.
It's just funny.
I think people think we all barbecue or something.
- Right, no, I have my own family.
I have another family in Georgia that I
started a couple of years ago.
- [Kelly] Oh my, God.
I am killing it.
I'm crushing it.
- [Joel] That's how people do it, it's fine.
But yet, I feel people always go like,
"Oh, you're just having a good time."
Like, all we do is work.
We show up at 6:00 AM and leave at 9:00.
We have it hard, because catering can be rough.
(audience laughs)
And sometimes, like the snacks they put out, I'm like,
"What is this?"
"Look at all these carbohydrates."
"What do you think I am, a monster?"
- All right, wait, I want to talk about your new podcast.
- [Joel] Thanks for asking.
- Thanks for asking.
- Let's do some promoting, shall we?
Let's promote Black Box, shall we?
- [Kelly] No, I do actually want to talk about it.
So wait, so let's talk about Black Box.
So, tell everybody what it is.
- It's a podcast, but it's a, it's like a movie.
It's like a, it's like a old radio,
not an old radio play.
That's something you would, you know, listen-
It's a whole story told over a bunch of episodes.
- But they used to do that, I feel like back in the-
- [Joel] They used to do that, radio plays, yeah.
They used to be very popular, and then television.
Am I right?
Who likes that?
- But now, it's like, yeah, who watches that?
But, but no, I love that it's coming back to that.
Cause podcasts are so, so great, and everybody's doing one,
but you're doing it in a different way, which I love.
- Yeah, you should start a podcast by the way.
- Oh, I need another job Joel.
- Yeah you need to do one more.
Just do like three hours a day and you'll be huge.
No, so it's, it's about these teenagers,
Brec Passinger, who I'm on Star Girl with,
she is Stargirl, she finds a time machine and
yeah, and people like, "Oh," and so-
- [Kelly] I love this.
- But these kids that go back to the 80's and,
it's like Back to the Future, in a way,
meets like Stranger Things,
meets Dark, it's a German show.
So it's a, it's, it's a mystery, it's fun.
Like, Kelsey Grammer is in it.
E.D. Patterson.
And so it's, it's a really well told story.
And, now that I've said it like that,
it makes it seem like I'm lying, but I'm, but I'm not.
- But it's great.
No, it's so funny that you said Kelsey Grammar,
cause he's actually the reason
I first heard about that from Frasier.
I don't know if you remember that episode of Frasier.
They did that whole radio thing, cause he was a radio guy.
They did this whole like Halloween episode and I was like,
"What is this?"
And my mom, I remember telling her me.
That's how I found out about those old shows.
- About old radio plays?
- Yeah. - Wow.
- It was from Kelsey Grammar, that's so funny.
- That's amazing.
- [Kelly] Yeah, that's so cool.
- And that's why Kelsey Grammar is here right now.
(Kelly laughs)
- No, I just thought it was interesting.
- Yeah, no, it's like watching a movie
with your eyes closed. - But that's kind of cool,
because your mind has no budget.
It's like a book as well.
You know what I'm saying?
So you can create whatever movie you want
while you're listening or reading.
- [Joel] Yes, wow, yes.
- [Kelly] Yeah.
So wait, if you were going to go back in time, like,
like first of all,
is there a time you'd want to go back to or the future?
Or who would you want to go hang with?
If there was a-
- I would say, I'd go back to the beginning of this show.
(audience laughing)
I feel like I overstepped my bounds
with the another free guitar.
Sorry and the- - [Kelly] The pig?
- [Joel] You go down here, you go down there, see ya.
- [Kelly] They are really independent, aren't they?
- [Joel] Yeah, beginning of the show, probably.
I would have added another pig.
- [Kelly] Wait I've got, I've got-
- Wait, where would you go back in time to?
- I actually wouldn't go back in time,
cause I'm a woman, but I-
(audience laughs)
(audience claps)
- Yeah!
- [Kelly] But I,
I would go in the future,
and I'd want to see like my kids.
I'd want to hang with my kids.
- Wait, oh, so you're time machine
can go in the future as well?
- [Kelly] Yeah, I said in the future as well.
I said in the future.
I think it'd be cool to like go,
like I'm 40 years old,
to go hang out with my kids when they're like 40.
- Yeah, but what if,
what if you're, then you see yourself there at 80.
- [Kelly] Or I might be dead, I don't know.
- You might be dead?
- I don't know. I started late in life with kids.
- You have a very dark future ahead.
- No, I'm just saying like,
you know, cause they're really young, so-
- Oh, okay, but, what if the old,
what if older Kelly Clarkson is there like,
"Here we go again, young Kelly."
- Great. - [Joel] "Here's young me."
- Then I'm going to be like,
"Ahh, that's what I have to look forward to?"
- I want a machine-
If I could just stop time and sleep for eight hours,
then I'd be-
- [Kelly] You know what?
- Yeah, then it'd be like, "And play."
And then, you could go back to, yeah.
- [Kelly] Yeah, that'd be good, like a pause.