These days, life is nothing but a daydream.
Sweet days of May have been filling my heart with joy
but they are as fleeting as they are wonderful.
One blink of an eye and the scenery changed.
One flower stopped blooming, giving way to another too fast
in an endless whirlwind of fleeting moments.
I tried to chase after them,
only to realize that the more I chase, the less I experience.
I go into the woods or to a field near the village,
lay on the grass or touch a mossy tree
inhaling the remains of spring air
and imprinting every bit of it in my memory.
I can't help it
but be overly romantic
or perhaps overly dramatic at these times.
I suddenly become too aware of how impermanent,
how cyclical life is,
and how I won't see this same sight for another year.
I try to stop time by documenting
everything I see,
but this is an unattainable force
I'm trying to battle with.
So I let go and simply soak in the beauty of May.
As wonderful as this month was,
life isn't always easy as it seems
when I show you only the beautiful things
carefully crafted with my camera.
Frankly, life is real.
And while it is beautiful,
it doesn't go without its difficulties.
Sometimes I get comments saying
“I wish I had your life” - and I assure you you don't.
We all have our own struggles and sorrows
which we choose not to share,
and these past few weeks have been very difficult.
Despite all the happy moments
that might have been going alongside it,
I share a lot on social media, but I am also very private
and choose to keep a lot off camera
and a lot unsaid, even to the closest ones.
But also I am not afraid of my vulnerability.
I am indeed often sad, sometimes unbearably so.
This is precisely why I seek beauty
or choose to see beauty through the dark
and to try to express it in my own way,
whether it's through the hands,
touching the raw ingredients
and creating something from scratch
or through my eyes noticing the smallest details
in my surroundings and in nature.
Seeing beauty and finding strength to create
even through most difficult times.
Perhaps that's the goal of my entire existence.
Or so I feel at this exact moment,
and I wish to share it with you.
Most important thing to me right now
is being in touch with myself,
noticing how I am actually feeling,
paying attention to my emotions
and recognizing the root source of them.
At times like this, all I can do
is give in to them and find ways to heal.
Nature has been my place of solace at times like these.
As much as I try to quiet my mind
with other activities like work,
reading or social media,
which of course is the least helpful of all,
my mind can't seem to find the quiet
it requires from any of these.
I see a lot of advice
suggesting that you should fill your days
with various activities to ease your mind
and change your way of thinking when you're feeling low.
But to me, it never works.
It's only delaying the inevitable,
the inner feelings
which will eventually need to be addressed.
Perhaps we are all just
so very different
and have to figure out our own ways
how to navigate through life when it gets tough.
To me, nothing helps but nature.
Focusing on nature sounds, the birdsong,
the rustle of leaves in the wind,
the green and pink and the white
all mixed in one wonderful harmony
this time of the year.
Amongst its leaves
I finally feel in tune with myself again.
How strange - nature never seems to give any advice.
Yet somehow I learned the most from it.
Seeing that it's the picnic season
and I'll be having a lot of those
in the coming summer months,
I decided to share a savory recipe
with you this time, using seasonal ingredients.
Well, okay, who am I kidding?
I will share a sweet version too,
because otherwise, my sweet tooth would not be satisfied.
I am making a puff pastry from scratch here,
only because I'm trying out a dairy free
version of it
to use in the future
when I'm cooking it for someone who can't have butter.
Otherwise, I probably
would have used a store bought pastry.
And if you like, you can use one to.
But there is just something about working with flour,
and dough, that makes me feel so grounded and calm.
Perhaps it’s flour
being one of the most ancient, oldest and simplest yet
such complex ingredients,
which makes me feel that
if I can master it, then they can master anything.
I'm not there yet.
But it’s the excitement of learning something new
that makes me feel alive right now.
Coming to the end of the video here,
I realized that there is nothing
quite concrete that I wanted to share today,
but rather
some ramblings, some thoughts
which I needed to express somehow.
With this, I simply hope to provide a space of solace
for anyone who needs it
a place to escape, or a place to find yourself
or a place to simply be for a few minutes in a busy day.
Thank you for spending your time with me today.
I will see you next week.