I have a bone to pick.
Oh! Oh, now how could you,
you've been on maternity leave
[Sona] Yeah. for, I think four years.
Aw, three months. (David laughing)
Yeah, it's weird.
For the last three months things have been
very efficient in my life.
Everything taken care of, good work David.
Oh, thank you.
David stepped forward
and just started helping me- Mm-hmm.
on doing things that you refused to do.
Yeah- And so I'm stunned
that you have a bone to pick with me
'cause I think- [David] I can't wait
to hear what it is. [Conan] you've had a pretty,
yes you've been on the gravy train now for three months.
Okay, well first of all- [David] Gravy train?
That's a separate thing I have to like complain about is
that it's not the gravy train, I'm a mom.
I'm taking care of two babies now so.
So it's not- [Conan] I was one of six-
like I'm home chilling. I was one of six.
And my mom used to put us all in the kitchen,
throw a boiled ham (Sona laughing)
into the center of the room
and say, "Good luck to you all, I'm out."
Okay. (coughing)
So tell me about your plight.
So, I can't say that I listened to all
of the podcasts when I was gone. (laughing)
Sure, why should you?
But you guys released this whole segment about my FOMO
and you're like, "Oh, we're gonna, you know,
and it was when you were sitting-
FOMO by the way,
for anyone who doesn't know, fear of missing out.
Yeah, and you were talking about going to SUGARFISH
and sending me pictures and stuff.
And then you're like, we're gonna do all the things
that Sona loves to do and all you could think
of was going to see "Thunder From Down Under,"
the male strip show in Vegas. Yes.
Drinking white wine
and getting high. Yeah.
So is that all you think of me? (laughing)
That is 98% of what I think of you.
Okay, that's fair.
No.
She watches TV.
What's that? [David] You watch TV?
Yeah, you watch TV, but you do enjoy the male body.
You still obsess over any show
that depicted men in all of their masculine glory.
[Sona] Obsess? [David] "Gigolos."
Yeah you watched the show "Gigolos."
Oh yeah, I did.
And you used to love your favorite movie
that you would talk about all the time was-
"Magic Mike."
And when there was a sequel,
you pretty much made me take you and a bunch
of your lady friends to see the "Magic Mike" sequel which-
Yeah, the midnight showing (David laughing)
as soon as it came out we went.
As soon as it came out. [Sona] Yeah.
And so you love that, you loves,
loves, loves your wine.
I do loves my wine, I know.
And we have a picture that was hanging in her office
for years of me in the background being swarmed by fans
that wanted pictures.
And they were just like lining up,
and I was taking pictures (Sona laughing)
of people and you're in the foreground ignoring me
with the biggest pour of Chardonnay I've ever seen,
[Sona] Yeah. just a massive glass.
And you're sipping it and not helping me in any way.
And it was a candid photo.
It wasn't a gag photo.
It was a candid photo.
It was, you know what?
Now that you bring (David laughing)
all that up, it's fair.
You also couldn't live without your gummies.
It's fair, okay, relax, I can live without gummies.
No, no, since you became pregnant, you stopped.
Yeah, I know you're right,
it is a really tough time for me. (laughing)
Aah.
Is it, do you really miss it?
I miss it so much and I think,
"Oh, maybe I'll just have like half of one,"
but then I'm like, "Oh, what if I sleep through one
of the babies crying and like needing me for something?"
And so I just, I don't do it, but I think about it a lot.
So you know what?
Maybe you were right.
You know, my wife, of course, we have two kids.
And in the early years, her thing was our door,
our bedroom door always had to be open
in case somebody cried.
And then, of course, they got older and they stopped crying,
and they'd sleep through the night.
And then they got even older, but always, door always open
in case anybody needs anything, anything's going on.
Yeah.
Now, my children are 18 and about to be 16.
My son's like 6'3", still door cracked open.
(David laughing)
What if he needs us?
What if he needs us? (Sona laughing)
If he needs us, he'll smash through his bedroom wall.
And then he'll come smashing through our bedroom wall
because he's 6'4" and like 185 pounds.
What do you mean if he needs us?
If he needs us,
he'll pick up his bed, (David laughing)
throw it out the window. (Sona laughing)
[Sona] Oh my God. You know, it's just insane.
Well, it's in case you need him now.
I know, but she's never gonna, you know,
when they have their own kids and they're visiting us,
she's still going to, and we're like 110 years old-
Yeah.
She's gonna be like, "We've got to keep the bedroom door
open in case they need us." (Sona laughing)
"Who needs us?"
"Those people in their fifties."
What would we do?
How would I help them?
Would I rip off one of my legs and hand it to them-
[David] Oh, no. so they could use it
as a crutch? (Sona laughing)
'Cause that's cause I can pull it off right now,
I'm that withered and old.
It's absurd, madness.
I was like, you couldn't think of anything else.
And I'm like,
is that all they think of me? You're a caricature, yeah.
I defend most humans and I say, "Well, they're complex.
They're three-dimensional.
I can make a couple of jokes,
but I really can't reduce them to anything cartoonish
because that's not fair to them."
But Sona, it's so great
because you really are a two dimensional drawing-
(Sona laughing) [David] Aah.
that likes your wine, your gummies.
You love your Armenian snacks-
Yeah.
and you love to watch male strippers do their thing.
Nothing wrong with that.
I'm a simple person. [Conan] Yes.
And I came in hot, yeah. I love that this started
with you having a beef with us.
And then immediately admitting [David] Aha.
that you were in the wrong and that we were right.
It was accurate.
The important thing is you came
to SUGARFISH though last week. Yes, I did, I did.
We did have, now SUGARFISH,
I always explain things because I don't know
if people know. [Sana] Yeah.
SUGARFISH is an amazing sushi chain
and there's one right near the podcast studio
and SUGARFISH sushi is one of Sona's favorite things.
And so I've been taking David there.
It's been great.
Because you've been home
with your kids. I never had it until-
Oh, I know, you've never, I mean, first of all, David-
Oh, here we go.
No, I'm being honest here, David, a man of humble means.
[David] Mm-hmm. [Conan] And I'm saying
that in a, I think a kind and gentle way.
I don't think you are.
No, no, David's idea of good eats is three sticks
of beef jerky. (Sona laughing)
And he gets to drink the whole Sprite.
(David laughing) And so we went,
I took you to SUGARFISH and you just were,
you couldn't believe it.
You're like, "Oh, this tastes so good
and look they've actually got silverware on the table."
Okay, okay. (Sona laughing)
He got all excited.
And there was a toilet there (David laughing)
in the restaurant you could use.
And, but anyway, it was a big deal for you, admit that.
I will say, yeah, the rice was warm. (laughing)
The rice was warm, yeah.