I have been trying really hard of late to get on with the other humans.
But it seems like no matter how hard I try, they always seem to let me down.
In this video, I’ll give you one example of human interaction in my life with my one
and only group of friends, and show you the complexities that result over rather trivial
matters.
Every fortnight, since September 2016, I’ve been getting together with the same group
of people to play tabletop games.
By tabletop games, I mean role-playing games, or board games.
The host of these games is Mr Black.
He lives quite a long way out of town, so the rest of us typically carpool to get there.
He doesn’t seem to like humankind very much either, hence why he lives so far away.
He sent me an invitation back in 2016 stating that he had a few rules at the gaming table.
No alcohol — Fair enough (not that I like drinking).
No communicable diseases — Okay, I think that’s a given.
And, if you’re going to be late, let everyone know.
Again, I think that’s also a given.
The fact that he had to state these three rules probably means that he’s had some
bad experiences with other people in the past.
Although I play games with Mr Black, I wouldn’t necessarily classify him as a friend.
We barely know each other.
I’ve known of him for about 20 years, and I have met him a number of times, but that’s
about the extent of our relationship.
We work at the same university, but I almost never see him there.
Mr Blue is my closest friend in the group.
I’ve known him since primary school and we’ve typically got on fairly well.
He’s been close friends with Mr Black for a long time.
Like most people, he’s had lots of ups and downs in his life and is stuck in a dead-end
job that he doesn’t really like.
He turns to role-playing games to escape the real world.
Mr Brown is my next closest friend.
I’ve known him for about 20 years, but only every through gaming.
If it wasn’t for games, I’d doubt we’d ever see each other.
He was Mr Blue’s manager for quite a long time, so there’s an interesting dynamic
there.
Mr Red is the newest recruit.
He’s been friends with Mr Black for a long time.
I don’t know him well, but he seems friendly enough.
He’s only been coming for the last few months.
And then there’s me — Mr Green.
I’m a bit of an environmentalist, hence the green colour.
It was my idea to carpool as I couldn’t bear four people individually driving out
of town every fortnight.
This is how the carpooling typically works:
6:45pm – I leave my house to pick up Mr Blue.
7:00pm – Mr Blue and I leave to pick up Mr Brown.
7:15pm – The three of us head out to Mr Black’s house for a 7:30 start.
Mr Red finds his own way there — I guess because the rest of us don’t really know
him that well.
Anyway, before every gaming session for the last two-and-a-half years, Mr Black would
send out a group email confirming everyone’s attendance.
Emails would go back and forth if people were going to be late, or whatever else.
The system worked — and worked well.
But then I went to China over the 2019 new year and got back in late January.
I emailed everyone to confirm that I was back in the World of Oz and that I was looking
forward to our next gaming session.
However, some personal issues had arisen in Mr Black’s life and he said he wouldn’t
be able to game for a while.
He said that he’d email us all when he becomes available again.
Fair enough.
So Mr Blue, Mr Brown, and I got together for our own game at Mr Brown’s house for the
next couple of fortnights.
Mr Red was also invited, but never came.
I guess he didn’t consider us to be very close.
Fair enough.
We started creating characters for a new game — a game that I was quite looking forward
to.
But then a few days went by and Mr Blue sent me a text message, “Hey.
Off topic, Mr Black is good to go for tomorrow.
Are you?”.
I replied, “Well, yeah, I guess so.
If everyone is keen, I am too”.
But my suspicions were raised a little bit, so I sent Mr Blue another message, “By the
way, how come Mr Black didn't send a global email?
Normally, he'd tell everybody that we're having a session, wouldn't he?”.
Mr Blue replied, “I do not know.
I have a lot for the new game when we get to it”.
So anyway, I prepared to go at the normal time the next day.
I was about to hop in the car at 6:45 when I got a message from Mr Blue, “Hey I am
going to be a little later being ready tonight you ate welcome to have a chat or I can meet
you at Mr Black’s house, Mr Brown will not be joining us”.
I was a bit pissed off, because I didn’t know Mr Brown wasn’t going.
I didn’t particularly want to drive out of town by myself as I don’t really know
Mr Black that well.
Last year, this would have all been sorted out days before the actual gaming session
via email, so I was a bit confused why I was only finding out two minutes before I was
about to leave.
Anyway, I replied, “Mr Brown will not be coming?
And you are going to be late?
Quite honestly, I'm already a bit tired, so I don't think I will come.
Plus, there were no group mails confirming everyone's attendance, so it's the first time
I'm hearing any of this.”
Also, because I wanted to let the rest of the group know, I sent out a global email,
“Hi guys, I was told recently by Mr Blue that there would be a game tonight.
I was also (just) told by Mr Blue that he will be late and Mr Brown won't be attending.
Could we please go back to confirming everyone's attendance via group email?
I'd rather hear it from the source than second hand.
Sorry, just a vestige from my police days, ‘hearsay is not admissible as evidence’.
Anyway, sorry to be brusque, but consequently, I won't be attending tonight.
See you next time ~ Mr Green.”
Mr Brown immediately replied and apologised.
The host, Mr Black, never got back to me.
Mr Blue sent me a message later that evening while I was lying down on the sofa with the
children, “I am leaving now.
Do you want me to pick you up?”.
I replied, “No, it's all good.
I'm watching a movie with the kids”.
Anyway, a couple of weeks went past, and I noticed that nobody seemed to be sending out
group emails anymore.
Mr Brown had actually set up a Facebook group to aid the communication process.
I joined the group and saw that everyone else was a member, except the newly-joined Mr Red.
Mr Blue had posted a message saying that he won’t be attending the next session.
He wrote, “I am double booked for this sat night, please have a great game without me”.
I replied, “I think I'll pass, too.
I'd rather have a complete gaming group for the first session back”.
However, a couple of hours later, I noticed that Mr Black had posted a summary of last
fortnight’s game in a different game-related group — a group that I am also a member.
He was talking about Mr Blue’s character and Mr Brown’s character — let’s call
them Bluey and Brownie.
They were gallivanting around in the Nordic countryside.
I was a bit confused, because I knew that Mr Brown was not able to attend last fortnight.
So I decided to post a message to the newly found Facebook group.
“I noticed in last session's blurb, Brownie was running about.
Who was playing Brownie?”
Nobody replied for quite a while.
And then Mr Blue piped up a few hours later.
“Last session was in short a clusterf#@k.
We ended up playing at Mr Brown’s place after I picked up Mr Black from his house.
We played till 11ish and called it”.
I replied, “Oh okay, should have let me know.
I would have come over”.
I was a bit pissed.
First of all, group emails were not being sent out (as they always have been over the
last two-and-a-half years).
Secondly, they told me that Mr Brown would not be attending.
And then thirdly, to top it all off, they ended up playing without me — including
Mr Brown who wasn’t meant to be attending.
At this point, I hadn’t heard from Mr Black for over four weeks.
He just wasn’t contacting me.
I knew he had some personal issues at home, but the very fact that he had played a session
without me, in my mind, I started to have doubts whether he wanted to talk to me anymore.
I hadn’t seen him since before my trip to Mongolia, so I wasn’t quite sure what was
going on.
Then all of a sudden, a couple of days ago, he sent me a message via Facebook — which
he has never done before.
He wrote, “Hi Mr Green, I'm trying to set up a good comms strategy for gaming, and Mr
Brown suggested a Facebook Group.
I'll send you a message soon with further details if you want to try it — and we can
talk about it more tomorrow night.
Mr Black”.
I replied, “Mr Brown already has a group set up titled, ‘Just Another Gaming Group’.
I'm not sure how to link to it as I'm not an avid Facebook user.
By the way, why not communicate by group email like we have in the past?
It seemed to work fairly well.
Anyway, if the consensus it to use a Facebook group, I'll run with it”.
Again, I’m not trying to upset these people.
If they want to change how we communicate with each other, so be it, but I certainly
don’t understand why.
A couple of days later, I noticed that Mr Black had posted another message to the newly-found
Facebook gaming group.
He wrote, “One point that was raised last night was whether this mode of communication
was acceptable (and accessible) to everyone.
I only check email about once per week, but I've trained myself to check the phone on
game day.
However, does this suit everyone?
I am assuming Mr Brown is fine as he set it up.”
I replied, “Yes, messages via Facebook are fine by me.
By the way, does Mr Red know about this?
I can't see him on the group list.
I assume he uses Facebook?”.
I still haven’t seen any messages from Mr Red.
I suppose he’s a bit like me and was happy with the way things were.
I find it odd that Mr Black said that he only checks his email once a week.
That never used to be true, and quite honestly, doesn’t make any sense.
He’s working full-time, studying, managing a family, and maintaining a blog.
How could he possibly only check his email once a week?
I’m just not buying it.
Anyway, while I was in Mongolia, I sent out an email to everyone with some photos of my
trip attached.
The only person who replied was my mother.
I arranged for my family and I to meet my so called best friend, Mr Blue and his family,
in the park when we got back to Australia.
We set it up for Saturday at 4:00pm.
We arrived five minutes early, as is our usual custom, and he wasn’t there.
We waited, and waited, and waited.
Finally, at around 4:35pm, we saw him moseying along with his son.
We had purposely arranged to meet him in a park near his house (it was only two minutes
walk away), but he couldn’t even show up on time.
He was 35 minutes late.
Not only that, his wife and daughter didn’t even come.
I asked him, “Where’s Mrs Blue?”.
He just said, “Ahh, it was a bit hot, so she wanted to stay at home”.
I asked him if he had seen my photos from Mongolia.
(Remember, Mr Blue is apparently my best friend).
He said, “Yeah, ah, I tried to have a look, but ah, most of the photos wouldn’t load”.
Yeah, right!
I call bullshit on that.
The fact that nobody bothered to reply to my Mongolian email, except my mother, probably
means that none of them care too much about me.
I get it.
Gamers are notoriously bad people-persons.
Nearly every gamer I have met, has either been a recluse, or a typical introvert.
The reason people join gaming groups is because they don’t fit in well with the rest of
society.
Yes, I know it’s a sweeping generalisation, but I’ve found it to be mostly true.
Gamers are their own breed — but that said — there’s no place for rudeness.
If one of my friends went to Mongolia and went out of their way to send me some photos,
I’d at least say, “Nice photos!”.
But apparently my group of friends don’t have a single minute to spare in their miserable
existences to send me a quick one-line response.
These people are my only friends.
Yes, I’m friendly with lots of other people at work, etc., but this group of people are
the only people I would put into the friendship basket.
So when they don’t reply to my emails, or play games without me, or never give me a
straight answer, and show up late to appointments, of course I start to doubt whether they are
actually my friends or not.
And that’s my long-winded story about my colour-coded friends.
I titled this video, “My Growing Misanthropy: The Unnecessary Complexities of Human Interaction”,
because I truly believe that humans have over-complicated relationships.
Why did we suddenly stop using email as a mode of communication?
Why did Mr Black take almost five weeks to even get back to me?
What the hell is going on with these people?
Friends?
Acquaintances?
They’re all the same to me.
They’re just unreliable humans who pretty much only look out for themselves.
Misanthropy is my default state, and until people start proving me wrong, this feeling
will only grow stronger.