TODAY WAS FEBRUARY 22ND. 2/22/22.
OR, AS WE CORRECTLY CALL IT IN THE REST OF THE WORLD, 22/2/22.
( LAUGHTER ) TID YOU KNOW THAT?
YOU KNOW AT HOME IN BRITAIN WE DON'T DO THE MONTH FIRST?
>> Reggie: YEAH, YOU DO IT ALL MESSED UP, YEAH.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: WELL, WE DO THE DAY,
THE MONTH AND THE YEAR. AND YOU DO THE MONTH -- THE DAY
OF THAT MONTH AND THE YEAR. >> Reggie: YEAH.
>> James: OURS IS BETTER. >> Reggie: OURS IS MORE
LOGICAL. >> WE JUST SAY IT TO MAKE SENSE.
WE JUST SAY IT IN ORDER. FEBRUARY 22, 2222.
>> James: YOU DON'T GO -- YOU DON'T GO, LET'S MEET ON THE
FEBRUARY ON THE SECOND -- LET'S MEET ON THE THIRD MONTH -- YOU
GO LET'S MEET ON THE DAY OF THAT MONTH, NOT THE MONTH AND THEN
THE DAY. >> NO.
>> Reggie: NO. YOU CAN BE, HEY, LET'S MEET ON
THE 3rd OF FEBRUARY, 2022. >> James: YOU JUST SAID IT MY
WAY. THE THIRD OF FEBRUARY.
>> YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT. >> James: THAT'S IT.
>> Reggie: OKAY. WHAT YOU JUST DID.
>> Reggie: YOU'RE RIGHT. >> James: IS WHAT THE REST OF
THE WORLD DOES. >> Reggie: I WAS WRONG.
I WAS WRONG. >> James: SAY WHAT?
( APPLAUSE ) YOU KNOW, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY
RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.
SO WHAT? YOU'RE COMPLETELY RIGHT.
>> CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? >> James: CAN'T WE ALL JUST
GET ALONG? YOU'RE COMPLETELY RIGHT.
CAN'T WE NOT GET ALONG AND FIND JUST A LITTLE BIT OF WITTY
BANTER TO KICK THE SHOW OFF WITH?
( LAUGHTER ) I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH, I DON'T
CARE EITHER. THIS JOB IS ESSENTIALLY
SCATTERING SEEDS. SOME WILL LAND ON FALLO GROUND,
OTHERS WILL GROW INTO SOMETHING, GIING US A CHANCE TO GET ALONG.
WE'RE SHARING, LAUGHING, GROWING TOGETHER AND THAT'S WHAT IT IS,
CORRECT? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ALL OF US SAFE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT, AS REGGIE SAID, YES, I WAS
( LAUGHTER ) WHERE DO YOU STAND ON ALL THIS?
>> OUT OF IT. I HATE TO SAY THIS WHILE
AMERICAN OLYMPIC HERO SHAUN WHITE IS IN THE HOUSE, BUT
YOU'RE RIGHT, IT'S INSANE WE GO DAY, MONTH AND YEAR AND I'VE
NEVER SPOKEN UP UNTIL NOW AND I FINALLY FEEL BRAVE ENOUGH.
( APPLAUSE ) >> THANK YOU FOR SHARING.
>> James: LIVED. HE IS ABSOLUTELY INCENSED HE
TOOK A HARD STAND ON THIS AND WITHIN 35 SECONDS EVERYONE'S
GONE YEAH, RIGHT. LOOK AT HIM.
LENEVER MOVE. >> I'M GENUINELY ANNOYED BY
THIS. THERE'S NO WAY, IAN, YOU WOULD
JUST SAY LET'S GO GET DINNER ON FEBRUARY 24th.
YOU WOULD SAY LET'S GO ON THE 24th OF FEBRUARY?
YOU WOULD NEVER DO IT. >> I WOULD NEVER INVITE ANYONE
TO DINNER. THAT'S BETWEEN ME AND GOD WHEN I
EAT. >> Reggie: ROB, YOU MAKE A
POINT, DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO SAY FEBRUARY WHATEVER, BUT I THINK
CHRONOLOGICAL IS LOGICAL. >> James: LET'S MEET 23rd OF
FEBRUARY OR 23rd OF FEB. IT DOESN'T MATTER.
THE POINT IS WHEN YOU'RE WRITING IT DOWN THE MONTH COMING AFTER
THE DAY IS RIGHT. >> Reggie: YEAH, I MEAN, I
AGREE WITH ALMOST EVERYTHING ROB BELIEVES IN LIKE THE TIME-SPACE
CONTINUUM, HE HAS THEORIES ON QUANTUM RELATIVITY THAT I
COMPLETELY AGREE WITH BUT THIS IS THE ONE PLACE I DIVERT.
>> James: MOLLY'S PIPING UP. NO, NO WAY WE CAN PREDICT --
>> Reggie: CHECK OUT THIS ANGLE.
>> WHAT'S TIME, MAN? IT'S ELIMINATING CHOICES BECAUSE
THERE'S AT LEAST, MINUS FEBRUARY, 30 DAYS IN EVERY
MONTH. SO YOU'RE STARTING THE DAY, I'M
SO DISORIENTED, THIS COULD BE ANY SEASON.
BUT IF YOU START WITH THE MONTH YOU'RE, LIKE, OKAY, I'M
GROUNDED. >> James: I UNDERSTAND WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING. I GET IT.
I GET IT. >> Reggie: MATCH POINT.
>> James: I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING TRADITIONALLY,
AMERICANS NEED A LITTLE MORE INFORMATION, I GET IT.
I GET IT. I UNDERSTAND.
AS A COUNTRY, AS A COUNTRY, ON THE GRAND SCHEME OF THE WORLD,
YES, YOU ARE A TEENAGER. ALL THE REST OF US.
THE REST OF US HAVE BEEN HERE A VERY LONG TIME.
>> STOP! ( LAUGHTER )
>> James: TELL YOU WHAT, TOOK A TURN, DIDN'T IT?
>> IT'S TAKEN A VERY UGLY TURN AND IT'S A VERY UGLY SIDE OF
YOU, AND I DON'T THINK -- ( LAUGHTER )
>> James: WELL, LOOK, PEOPLE DON'T COME HERE FOR WITTY
REPARTE AND FRIVOLOUS BANTER. THEY COME HERE FOR ONE THING AND
ONE THING ONLY, AND THAT IS THE NEWS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHAT WAS THAT?
>> Reggie: TWO NOTES FROM A SYNTHESIZER.
>> James: CAN I HEAR THEM NOW? ( SYNTHESIZER NOTES )
>> James: THAT'S THE JINGLE? YEAH, AND HE SAYS "THE NEWS"
ON TOP OF IT. >> Reggie: SO THIS GOES FIRST
( SYNTHESIZER ) >> -- THE NEWS.
( APPLAUSE ) >> James: WELL, LET'S GET TO
THE NEWS. OF COURSE, THE BIGGEST STORY
IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW IS THAT VLADIMIR PUTIN HAS DECLARED TWO
AREAS OF UKRAINE INDEPENDENT REGIONS, AND HAS SENT TROOPS
ACROSS THE BORDER AS-- PEACEKEEPERS.
JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'M DOING THIS BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT ACTUALLY
PEACEKEEPERS. IT'S SORT OF LIKE YOUR WIFE
DRINKING ROSEÉ WITH FRIENDS AND CALLING IT A
BOOK CLUB. THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
( APPLAUSE ) U.S. SECRETARY OF STATE ANTONY
BLINKEN TWEETED THAT RUSSIA'S MOVE IS A PREDICTABLE, SHAMEFUL
ACT. TO WHICH PUTIN SAID
(FLATTERED) OH MY GOD, STOOOOOOOOOPP!
BLINKEN ALSO TWEETED HASHTAG STAND WITH UKRAINE.
IS IT JUST ME, OR DOES IT FEEL WEIRD SEEING THE SECRETARY OF
STATE USING A HASHTAG? ( LAUGHTER )
>> Reggie: YES. >> James: I THINK POLITICIANS
SHOULD BE BANNED, NO POLITICIANS SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO USE A
HASHTAG. LIKE, HE'S THE COUNTRY'S HIGHEST
RANKING DIPLOMAT, WHAT'S NEXT? POSTING A MEME LIKE, THAT
FEELING WHEN PUTIN IGNORES NATIONAL SOVEREIGNTY.
( LAUGHTER ) PRESIDENT BIDEN SPOKE TODAY,
THREATENING MORE SANCTIONS. AND HE WENT AFTER PUTIN, AS
WELL. TAKE A LOOK
>> WHO IN THE LORD'S NAME DOES PUTIN THINK GIVES HIM THE RIGHT
TO DECLARE NEW SO-CALLED COUNTRIES ON TERRITORY THAT
BELONGED TO HIS NEIGHBORS? >> JAMES: WHO IN THE LORD'S
NAME? IT SOUNDS LIKE DRAMATIC
LANGUAGE, UNTIL YOU REALIZE BIDEN STARTS A LOT OF SENTENCES
WITH THAT. LIKE --
( AS BIDEN ) WHO IN THE LORD'S NAME WOULD
LEAVE THE CRUST ON A PB&J? ( APPLAUSE )
I'M JUST IMPRESSED BIDEN GOT THROUGH THAT WITHOUT A
"WHAT IN TARNATION?" ( LAUGHTER )
MOVING ON, DONALD TRUMP HAS LAUNCHED HIS
LONG-PROMISED SOCIAL MEDIA APP, TRUTH SOCIAL- BUT HE MIGHT
ALREADY HAVE LEGAL PROBLEMS TO WORRY ABOUT.
THE APP'S LOGO LOOKS VERY SIMILAR TO THAT OF A BRITISH
TRUCKING COMPANY CALLED TRAILAR, WHO IS CONSIDERING LEGAL ACTION.
HERE'S TRAILAR'S LOGO NOW COMPARE THAT TO THE TRUTH
SOCIAL LOGO, ON THE RIGHT. >> WHOA!
>> James: LOOK AT THAT. WHOA.
>> James: CAN YOU SEE IT? ( LAUGHTER )
TO BE FAIR, IT'S NOT REALLY A TRUMP COMPANY UNTIL THERE'S
LEGAL ACTION INVOLVED. ( APPLAUSE )
FORGET THE LOGO, I'VE GOT A BIGGER QUESTION - CAN YOU SHARE
YOUR WORDLE SCORE ON TRUTH SOCIAL OR NOT?
( LAUGHTER ) YOU DO THAT?
THE TRUTH SOCIAL LOGO MAY BE A COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT.
LUCKILY, THEY DESIGNED A BACK-UP LOGO FOR JUST SUCH A SITUATION:
IN OTHER NEWS, PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON HAS ANNOUNCED THAT
HE IS ENDING ALL COVID RESTRICTIONS IN ENGLAND,
STARTING ON THURSDAY. IN OTHER WORDS, ENGLAND IS
FLORIDA NOW. ( LAUGHTER )
IT'S TRUE, NO MORE SOCIAL DISTANCING.
IT'S BACK TO GOOD OLD BRITISH EMOTIONAL DISTANCING.
BUT THIS IS A BIG CHANGE. NOW PEOPLE CAN LIVE THEIR LIVES
COMPLETELY FREE OF RESTRICTIONS. YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE BORIS
JOHNSON SECRETLY DID THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE PANDEMIC.
AND WE THOUGHT THIS WAS INTERESTING.
AND WE HAVE AN EXCITING NEW WORLD RECORD TO TELL YOU ABOUT.
LAST NIGHT, IF YOU MISSED THE SHOW, WE TALKED ABOUT A NEW
WORLD RECORD FOR STACKING EGGS. A IMAGINE IN YEMEN STACKED FOUR
EGGS ON TOP OF EACH OTHER. I TRIED TO BREAK THAT RECORD.
HERE'S MY ATTEMPT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT DID NOT GO WELL. HOWEVER --
( APPLAUSE ) -- THE EGG STUFF HAS BLOWN YOU
HAVE SO MUCH SO WE ARE BASICALLY NOW THE HOME FOR JUST STACKING
( BLEEP ). ( LAUGHTER )
WE'RE THE HOME, IF SOMEONE STACKS SOMETHING, WE'RE GOING TO
FIND OUT ABOUT IT AND WE ARE COMFORTABLE IN THIS SPACE, OKAY.
PEOPLE ARE SAY -- SENDING US CLIPS OF OTHER WORLD RECORDS OF
PEOPLE STACKING THINGS TONIGHT. IT'S M&Ms.
>> TAKE A LOOK. CEBLY DID FOUR, AN ENGINEER
DID FIVE, AND CEBLY IS NOW BACK ON TOP OF THE STACK.
>> James: I LOVE IT! ( APPLAUSE )
I LIKE THAT THEY PUT A RULER NEXT TO IT, AS IF WE HAVE NO
FRAME OF REFERENCE. HE STACKED SIX M&MS?
WHAT IS THAT, LIKE THREE FEET HIGH?
TEN FEET? HE STACKED SIX M&MS ON TOP OF
EACH OTHER. SO TECHNICALLY IT'S,
M&M&M&M&M&M. NOW, MY STACKING DAYS ARE BEHIND
ME. BUT TODAY "THE LATE LATE SHOW"
REDEEMS ITSELF. WE HAVE DESIGNATED
ROB ENGALLA, YOU'RE OUR CHAMPION.
( APPLAUSE ) YOU'VE GOT THE REST OF THE SHOW
TO TRY AND BREAK THIS RECORD AND SO THEY'RE GOING TO BRING IN THE
M&Ms. IF YOU STACK MORE THAN SIX
M&M'S, I WILL GIVE EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE $1,000.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IF YOU CAN'T STACK SIX, YOU WILL
GIVE EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE $1,000.
SOUND GOOD? NO PRESSURE.
BOBBY, GET STACKING. BACK WITH MORE OF "THE LATE LATE