For WHAT I give you my emotion sia. Then I also try...
You think what? You buy shirt ah?
Hi!
What is your current relationship status?
Ha ha! Single. Very single.
I'm single and ready to mingle.
I've been together with my girlfriend for 7 years.
And... we have BTO'd.
Oh, my god.
- 25 years?! - No!!!
I've been with my boyfriend 7 years going on 8,
but currently in an LDR for 3 weeks...
out of 3 years.
I'm painfully single.
I had my first relationship in August 2017,
then I broke up in September 2018.
- I'm single. - And ready to mingle!
No, no. And unavailable.
- Enjoying your single life. - Yeah. Just single, no mingle.
Do you think that you are experienced in the relationship department?
I think that you're the MVP in lasting long.
That, I know. How to commit. I think that you're the MVP in lasting long.
That, I know. How to commit.
I only had a few relationships here and there.
And my maximum is 6 months.
Because I had a couple of relationships and every one of them failed...
so I consider myself quite bad.
I think I have experience in boy-girl relationships without officially being in a relationship. so I consider myself quite bad.
I think I have experience in boy-girl relationships without officially being in a relationship.
What's a deal breaker for you?
I think there's something that I really cannot stand, which is immaturity.
Or... he or she...
Not he or she.
I mean, just 'she'...
Ideally, I'd want my partner to speak Chinese.
So that he can converse with my family.
So CLB (Chinese Language 'B') cannot lah.
Can is can lah, but like...
Ok, bye.
Growing up, my dad always told me that guys should not hit girls.
Violence is a big no-no.
Anybody who said that they don't want kids...
Oh...
I'm like... heartbroken. Immediately.
Oh! What if a girl is taller than you?
- Firm no. - Perfect girl. Just taller than you.
- Would you consider? - Maybe. Maybe.
On today's episode of Singaporeans Try, we will be asking you some Relationship Dilemma Questions.
- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. My girlfriend is going to watch this.
Oh, my God. 'If you can save your wife or children?'?!
- 'Which one would you save?' - Shit.
Hopefully, after people watch this, they will slide into my DMs.
Your partner says that he/she wants to hang out with a friend of the preferred sex.
Is that ok?
I think that... unless there's a reason for you to doubt the friend,
If you say no to this, I think you're insane.
- And I'd say low key abusive. - Exactly.
Wow, my answer is damn simple. Duh? Ok.
Is that ok with you?
Means 'not ok'.
I think it's weird...
I'm ok, but if I go out, don't suan (criticize) me.
Cannot double standards.
But it's just friends hanging out one-on-one. Nothing much.
Let's say we go on a Fridate.
"It's my colleague from the YouTube department... You saw him on videos what."
If it's a normal friend whom I know...
I think that's fine.
Just to make you feel a bit more secure lah.
(PD) Is that ok with you?
Of course!
We're quite chill one.
- Yes. - Ok.
Now, your partner says that they want to go on a 1-on-1 holiday with said friend.
Your partner has reassured you that they are just platonic friends.
Is that ok with you?
Holiday where? If Malaysia, I'm ok.
But if L.A.? Like, hello? What you thinkin', bruh?
I think that if they've been friends for many years it's ok.
But now I'm thinking... I'd want to trust my partner.
She tells me... platonic friends. I'd want to believe her.
So I'm like... still half-half (on my decision). She tells me... platonic friends. I'd want to believe her.
So I'm like... still half-half (on my decision).
For me, for my own relationship, I wouldn't mind.
I really, really trust her, so if she were to go on holiday with another male friend,
I'm actually very cool with it.
I trust him. I don't trust the girl.
I'd say, "You wanna go overseas with her... can!"
I'd pack myself in his luggage.
- No! Immediately no! - It's an immediate no.
I think that this is a pretty straight up thing.
Don't tell me, "We go on holiday but we will be in separate rooms."
Cannot be! You talk cock, you understand?
Calm down!!!
Bloody bullshit can or not?!
Maybe if they are in a winter country and they are all wrapped up it's ok.
But what if they go to the beach and the parts are out there?
- What if they get drunk?! - Exactly. Who is going to take care of who?
- (PD) Is that ok with you? - Personally, yes.
Leaning more towards... down.
NO!
Your partner is exchanging emotionally intimate and flirty texts with a person of their preferred gender,
vs. your partner having a one-night stand.
Which is worse?
This is something I always think about!
Like... would it hurt more to be emotionally or physically cheated on?
All of them are damn shit.
Because they are of different levels.
Some people... they are just being friendly.
Wait - you believe that girls and guys can be just friends?
I'd rather they cheat on me once,
than emotional cheating.
It takes so many weeks... the amount of time that you are cheating on me.
To me, because when it comes to one night stands,
normally it doesn't involve feelings.
When it comes to emotional cheating, I'd say that the relationship has a bigger problem.
They no longer want you for you.
The same way she's talking to me - to me only - that same exclusive way -
she's using it on other people - so in that sense...
Uh...
- Which is worse? - One night stand is still worse.
You cannot un-virgin someone.
You get what I mean?
But emotion... technically you can still take it back. You can choose to not love someone.
Do you still love your ex? No what. That means you've taken back the love you have given.
You can take (it) back.
I'm assuming that we are in the same country.
I'm there for you, waiting for you to come home, but...
you chose to have it with someone else.
And I'm the kind of person... I can't do physical stuff without emotional attachment.
So that to me is emotional + physical cheating.
But if you think about it - your partner had a one night stand...
You'll just imagine...
Yes! And it'll be a tarnished -
Ooh... my God.
(PD) Which is worse? 1, 2, 3.
(Both) Emotional.
(Rainier) Emotional. (Xenia) Physical.
(Both) Physical.
Flirty texts and one night stands, to me, involve emotions.
So when you have emotional and physical (cheating)... It's like a double combo.
That's triple. Sorry.
You notice on your partner's phone that they have been in contact with their ex.
Your partner shows you the texts, and they look friendly;
not romantic or sexual.
Is it ok for your partner to continue texting their ex?
This happened to me!
A few times... but I'm fine with it.
I saw the texts as well, and he'd come tell me too.
This is called reverse psychology.
I'll let you see, so that you think you have the trust.
But in actual fact, this thing pacifies you to stop investigating further.
Then, more things can happen.
It's quite dangerous.
This is your heart. You'll always have a portion of your ex.
- Yes! - Then you'll have a major portion of whoever you are dating right now.
And the other part... for future whatsoever.
I can understand, because my exes are also a huge part of my life.
Whether or not it worked out... It made me a better person.
I actually told my ex...
I'd actually love to meet up with you and her together,
and we can all just get along and I'll give the girl tips on how to handle him.
Hold your horses!
I'd want her to be able to know things I had to suffer to learn.
Feelings is like a candle. Any time the fire can light up again, you know?
Why are you messaging the person?
Very simple. Today, "No lah I won't have feelings one."
Ok, very good. How could you be sure that he wouldn't have feelings?
I always say, "I trust you, but I don't trust HER!"
YEAH!
This one, I tell you, talk cock.
I think the crucial part here is that your partner shows you the text.
She's very transparent.
I think that as long as there are some boundaries, if he wants to meet his ex...
I think that I'd be ok.
As long as you tell me when it is happening.
And not tell me after it happened.
- (PD) Both of you are ok with it? - Ok.
- I think... ok. - I think middle.
- NO! - Ok!
Your partner had a night of partying with their colleagues.
They are too drunk to get home, and sleep over at a colleague's house without your knowledge.
The colleague is single, and a member of their preferred sex.
Your partner says that nothing happened.
Is that ok with you?
Is that ok with you, and do you believe that shit?
There are so many variables, though.
Did you request for it? Or did that person drag you home?
Intoxicated? Fine. Too drunk to get home? Fine.
'Without my knowledge'. That's the thing that puts me off.
The minute you only tell me in the morning...
Then I'd feel like something is off.
Firstly, he didn't have self-control.
He shouldn't get that drunk and wasted in the first place.
He should rely on either his bros or me.
And he should consider my feelings.
That's not ok with me.
But that doesn't mean I'd break up with him.
I'd be very angry and won't let go of this thing for a long time.
When I'm drunk, the only reason I'd want to sleep over at a colleague's house...
is zero.
No reason.
The irresponsibility of the fact that they were drunk...
(They think) they'll have a 'Get Out of Jail' ticket because... "Oh, I was drunk and it wasn't my fault."
But it is leh.
I think I'd give the benefit of the doubt for the first time.
I'd draft out a contract.
Very simple.
That's the reason why a lot of boyfriends don't allow their girlfriends to wear sleazy (clothing) to go drinking.
What are they scared of? Losing you.
"Why you follow me? This is a bunch of friends you don't know!"
Then if I don't go... Intoxicated... Drunk...
Then go home with the friend without your knowledge...
Too drunk to get home, right? I'll be there!
Tomorrow got work at 9 am, I 8 am be there also can.
First time ok. Second time, you die bro!
No!
- Terrible. - No way.
This is very sketchy, because
the mutual friend can either vouch for the fact that nothing happened,
or if they are damn bro with your partner, they can lie for them.
- Mutual friend can be a guy or girl. Don't care. - Can sleep in the living room.
Yeah, exactly! They can be in the room getting it on...
and the friend can be in the living room eating maggi mee. What the hell.
- (PD) Does this change anything? - No!
Still no.
One month into the relationship, you realized that your partner cheated on their ex to be with you.
Would you continue the relationship?
So it's like A, B and C?
A and B are together. I am C.
But you don't know you are 'C'.
No, I think there's no respect to me as a human being, let alone as a partner.
You let me open up my heart to you...
didn't think I was worth that bit of honesty?
Immediate breakup for me.
Whoa, I'd be destroyed.
A good question to ask would be why she had the need to cheat.
It's like she's setting up a safety net before she casts him off.
So that she will have a backup to go to when she's single... Which is you!
It really depends on how in love we are, how much we match,
and all the things we've been through.
You just love her. This is just... BAM! In your face.
You've got your answer!
There's a very vague area. I'd feel so wanted.
I feel like some people will feel very flattered, like, "Aw you chose me!"
- "I win!" - Eeeee!
No way.
- It's a ticking time bomb. - Correct.
I don't want to have a toxic relationship, you know.
No matter how good she is, just the fact that there's this memory of her cheating...
I'd just be very insecure.
So I think I'd stay with them to have some freaky fun, until I find someone better... Bye!
Since I'm your second choice, you're my second choice too.
The love is everything. So if the love is still there, I will continue.
Yes!
You and Person X have been dating for a couple of months.
You find out that they've been sleeping with somebody else.
They feel that that is ok, as technically, both of you are not exclusive.
Would you be ok with it?
"Would you be ok with it?" ?!?!
No! No! No!
I'd be freakin' disgusted if I found out that somebody I'd been smooshing
has been smooshing someone else.
I think that's super selfish.
Ok, the keyword here is 'dating'.
To me, it's very free flow if it's not exclusive.
They can sleep with whatever they want and I can sleep with whatever I want.
Ok, technically...
The person is technically not wrong as to me... it's 'trying'.
But if you 'try' you cannot try just emotionally... It must be physically as well,
so you should be exclusive both emotionally and physically during this trial period.
Exactly.
You should at least have the decency to present me with this information.
"Ok Renae, before we go on a date...
... I just want to let you know that we are not together yet,
so I'm still sleeping with another girl. But I'm excited for this date."
Honestly, I'd totally appreciate that.
And I'd be like, "Whoa, that's amazing."
If we already said that we're exclusive, then she says this, I'd be like...
Your definition and my definition of dating is damn different.
So before stead, got hold hands? Hug? Kiss?
Yeah, you can hold hands or whatever you want - with me and other people too.
- Wow. - I'm ok. Because we didn't say (establish).
For me, dating means you're working things out and seeing if you guys work as a couple.
Huh? No! Even if it's just kissing, I think it's not ok!
Kissing involves emotions. You don't just kiss.
It's like you...
Then if you go sleep with someone else, for WHAT I give you my emotions sia.
Then I also try... You think what? You buy shirt ah?
You go Uniqlo and buy 3 for 1 or what...
NO!
I'm shocked at myself, but yeah.
I won't be.
Ok.
It has been a couple of months. Am I not interesting enough for you?
(PD) What d'you think of all these questions?
- It's very difficult to... - Phrase them? Imagine yourself as part of that story?
Or scenario?
But these questions are very real. It's what people go through...
I feel more readily equipped for my next relationship.
We had a hard time, but I feel like we finally know how to go about finding The One!
Yes.
From now on, whoever I'm going to ask, I'm going to ask them these 8 questions.
If their answers are wrong and different from mine... Bye!
Bye!!!
Have these questions changed your perspectives on relationships?
(They have) broadened my mind...
on the other kinds of relationships that could be out there.
If you were to ask me these questions 8 years ago...
Then yes.
Not really. I still stand strong with my opinions.
Actually, I think...
Hearing Weilun's thoughts has broadened my horizons.
I think it just solidified what I think relationships should be (about).
As much as I'm someone who's clear about my boundaries,
I'm cool with that... Or I'm not cool with this...
I think that at times, I still need to bend my morals
and my boundaries a bit to give and take.
Thank you for watching this episode of Singaporeans Try.
If you liked this video, remember to Like, Share and Subscribe... and watch our other videos there.
Bye!
NO!!!