- [Presenter] Will's going camping
with Carlton and Uncle Phil.
He asks why they're packing so much heavy stuff,
like this dumb box that Carlton claims
to contain an inflatable raft.
Will thinks Carlton is bullshitting about the raft.
Turns out Carlton was not bullshitting
and the raft breaks Carlton's bug-zapping lamp.
Will hits an ATM to pay Carlton back for the lamp
when a mugger holds them both up at gunpoint.
They hand over the cash,
but an ever-helpful Carlton announces
he has some more money in his pocket for their new friend.
Only when he reaches for the loot,
the thief gets skittish.
Will tries to protect Carlton
and takes a bullet in the process.
The family's in the hospital
trying to make sense of this tragedy.
Carlton has a rare form of survivor guilt
that transforms you into Mr. Mopey Pants.
Will's mom shows up from the airport
in tears that Will became a victim
of gun violence in Bel-Air
when he could have just stayed in Philadelphia
and got his ass beat on a basketball court.
Will wakes up in good spirits, joking and smiling,
and announces he'll be doing his banking by mail from now on
because the internet in 1995
was still some shit you paid AOL for by the hour.
Will goofs with Geoffrey, then Will goofs with Ashley.
Everyone's having a great time hospital goofing
except for Carlton, who is mayor of Mope City,
population: uno.
Carlton scolds the Goof Troop
and says this episode, that should have been about camping,
is now serious business.
Will says you have to laugh
because this kind of stuff happens all the time,
even though it certainly does not when you live six minutes
from the Beverley Hills Hamburger Hamlet.
Carlton sulks off in a real pissy mood
for a guy who wasn't shot that day.
Uncle Phil tries to stop him
and they start yelling at each other past midnight
in a hospital about whether or not the US legal system works
which is neither the time nor place
to have that conversation.
Uncle Phil suspects Carlton might be leaving
to engage in vigilante justice,
and tells him he can't go out on the street busting heads.
Carlton says he's all grown up,
which is a poor choice of words, since Will's done nothing
but make fun of his height for five seasons.
And now he's on his way to go play Batman
in the Cedars-Sinai parking lot.
Uncle Phil says Carlton went out to blow off steam,
and he'll be fine.
Everybody leaves Will alone with Lisa.
Will asks Lisa if she's heard the joke
about the black dude who got shot at the ATM
and is trying to get freaky
with his girl in a hospital room.
Lisa tells Will to stop trying to entertain,
and Will finally gets serious,
seriously bummed
he's not about to get freaky in this hospital room.
Carlton returns the next day
still upset that his jacket is yellow
and says he is forever in Will's debt.
Carlton adds, him and Uncle Phil
aren't seeing eye to eye right now
because this incident has sent him into a full tailspin
where he thinks everything Uncle Phil has
ever told him is a lie.
Carlton spent his whole life believing in law and order,
but now that he's learned about guns and robbers,
the rules have changed.
Carlton tells the guy who was shot
that he's sick of being a victim
and is going to start making his own rules.
Will wants a hug,
presumably to get Carlton to stop nattering.
And when Carlton goes in for the real thing,
Will feels a gun.
Will asks Carlton what he's going to do with the gun.
Carlton says he keeps that
motherfuckin' thang on him for protection.
Then Carlton flips Will's breakfast in the air
in a passionate fit of rage,
depriving his injured relative
of vital foods and liquids for his recovery.
Will says he understands that Carlton is scared and angry,
but he needs to find a way to deal with it
that doesn't involve firearms
or throwing scrambled eggs in the air.
Will demands Carlton give him the gun
because he saved his life and Carlton owes him.
Carlton hands over the heater
and Will breaks down in tears
that he doesn't have any breakfast.
So what did we learn today?
If someone tells you there's a raft in that box,
just take their word for it,
because there's probably a raft in that box.
And if you need to see the raft for yourself,
you might break a bug-zapping lamp,
which means getting cash in the middle of the night,
and that means getting mugged.
And if you are getting mugged,
don't make any sudden movements that get your cousin shot.
And if you do get your cousin shot,
don't sulk around the hospital
and make your family feel bad
and have a sudden falling out with your dad who loves you
and buy a gun in the middle of the night
and flip your wounded cousin's breakfast over
in a temper tantrum,
because when someone takes a bullet for you,
that should be the last time
they ever have to deal with your bullshit
for the rest of their life.
See you next time on A Very Special Episode.