(upbeat electro music)
- Well, the Mississippi, we refer to as
the nation's sewer system around here.
The quality of the water is atrocious,
and would I jet ski on the Mississippi?
Ain't no way in hell.
(laughs)
- What else do you do when your chase boat runs out of gas?
Nothin.
You just chill out.
Five miles in our chase boat runs out of gas,
which is amazing because we have two chase boats,
and one is captained by a man named Bill,
he just loves wearing shorts, hates wearing shirts,
and hates sunscreen.
(audience laughs)
So I call him tomato shorts,
and he just takes off, so we have no idea
where he is, and then our second captain,
his name is Darrell, he's a very nice man,
he's a professional massage therapist,
and then also a boat captain,
(audience laughs)
but maybe not the best one
since he's run out of fucking gas.
(suspenseful music)
- [Man In Red Hat] There's truly a guy on the barge
just watching us slowly at ramming speed.
So should we be shooting off flairs?
Anchor.
- Yeah it's dropped, we've been dragging it.
- And we're just slowly drifting directly into it.
We're toast.
I just hope that Kurt is safe, that's all my real hope is.
- This is insane.
So I'm going at two miles per hour,
so I don't run out of gas, so that we can just go and see
if there's a gas station up ahead.
We're in the middle of nowhere.
I don't even know.
- [Guy In Red Hat] Hold on, they got the anchors goin'.
Watch your heads, watch your eyes.
- Pull down the antennae if you can.
(dramatic music)
- There's our rescuers.
What a warm and fuzzy feeling.
- [Kurt] So finally, Captain Bill shows up,
back from his beach ball audition,
or wherever the fuck he was,
(audience laughs)
and it's tomato shorts to the rescue!
- [Guy In Red Hat] How many miles we gotta go
to get to the gas station?
- John's gonna be bringing us gas to the next grid
- Oh, they're bringing us gas.
- They're bringing us gas to the next grid.
- You gotta just take life by the horns
and just run out of gas,
and get towed by a shirtless guy you met two days ago.
Really, never did a criminal check on him at all.
This is Roustabout style, man.
Way cool.
(mellow music)
Is it black Dave or white Dave?
- [Billy] White Dave.
- Oh, white Dave?
I kinda wish it was black Dave.
We're gonna make it guys.
We shouldn't have eaten Catherine, that was a huge mistake.
That was my bad.
Wait, Dave, it's me, little minnow, I come for your gas!
We haven't seen Kurt in probably four hours.
This could be our dudes too.
Man, this could be a full reunion.
- What a fine day on the river!
- Good first day!
- It's an exciting first day!
We're in an industrial wasteland.
Chase boat ran out of gas.
I'm running on fumes,
and if we touch the water right now, we'll get electrified.
While this is all happening, we're above a place
which is called a Fish Barrier,
so there's an invasive species
that's coming up the Mississippi river called
Asian Carp, and if they make it, to the great lakes,
they'll destroy the ecosystem.
This is why I love humans.
Humans have come up with the idea,
with this man made problem they're gonna fix,
by just electrifying the water in the river.
(audience laughs)
That's the plan!
It's called a fish barrier, and the water is electrocuted,
so anything that goes through it dies,
that's where we decide to stop
to fill up our boats with gas.
(audience laughs)
Where are we?
We're in hell!
We are in hell!
So that gas fiasco took hours out of our day,
and I had a show to do that night,
so we needed to get the boats out of the water,
and meet the road crew so they
could take me to the gig by car
We literally can't find a place to get the boat
out of the water, so we have to stop
at an abandoned grain silo,
which I don't know if you guys
have seen an abandoned grain silo recently,
looks like a fucking nightmare factory.
(audience laughs)
So let's just take a tour a little bit,
of where we've landed.
(eerie music)
Bad thoughts and feelings are loaded up here,
anything like childhood trauma, bats, spiders, rats,
they all get loaded on here,
and they're brought up and they're
ground into a very fine dust,
then they're stored here for whenever children go to sleep.
(screams)
Alright, I need a snack bar.
The road crew finally finds us down an unlabeled dirt road.
Never been so happy to see a Ford F-150 in my life.
And when the trailer gets there to get the boats
out of the water, the only trailer we brought
has broken an axel?
(audience laughs)
- It just sheared off.
Of course it did.
(laughs)
- Holy crap.
- That's, I'm not surprised.
Just so you're clear.
This is day one.
This is 12 hours in.
Well, we've got three wheels on our trailer,
that's not enough?
I guess it's gonna have to be, isn't it?
We've gone like 23 miles total, and we haven't raised
a single dollar since we left Chicago!
But, at least we crash landed someplace beautiful,
and I learned how nightmares get made.
Yeah, we did it guys.
We really did it.
Roustabout.
Day one.
(slow music)
(metal music)
I've been to the nightmare factory!
Now it's time for you to do your part.
Click this link!
Send some money to Heifer.org!
Help the world be a little bit better, come on!
Click it, click it!
Or just watch some more Roustabout.
Either or!
Your choice.