Acting is a job, and like any job, there are days where you're just going through the motions
to get that sweet, sweet paycheck.
So whether it's actors who were slumming it for the money or just doing some work until
the next prestige project came along, we've got a look at some stars who were just too
good for their movies.
Michael Caine in Jaws: The Revenge
When he was asked to appear in the fourth installment of the once-proud Jaws franchise,
Roy Scheider is rumored to have said, quote, "Satan himself could not get me to do Jaws
Part 4."
Believe it or not, the actual premise of this movie is that a great white shark is exploiting
a completely unexplained psychic connection to Ellen Brody in order to get revenge for
the death of the shark in the original Jaws, hence the tagline: "this time, it’s personal."
Michael Caine, who plays a character named Hoagie, missed out on receiving his Academy
Award for Best Supporting Actor in Hannah and Her Sisters — the first Oscar he actually
won after three nominations — because he was on location for reshoots to Jaws 4.
When asked about the film later, he had the right perspective on the whole thing: "I have
never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible.
However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific."
Jeremy Irons in Dungeons & Dragons
Academy Award-winner Jeremy Irons is a natural villain, even when playing an animated lion
in a Disney movie for babies.
"Long live the king."
When he played Profion, the villainous wizard of the 2000 Dungeons & Dragons movie...well,
let's just say he rolled a Natural 1 on his Subtlety check.
Rather than attempting to bring all the fun stuff about the game to life, the people behind
the film ended up with a monumentally generic fantasy setting where the most likable character
was Marlon Wayans as a cowardly thief named "Snails."
But Irons doesn't let the material drag him down.
His performance is a master class in scenery-chewing.
"Let their blood rain from the sky!"
He's clearly having fun.
Even if the audience isn't.
Sir Ben Kingsley in Bloodrayne
In 1982, Sir Ben Kingsley starred in Gandhi, a film that was nominated for 11 Academy Awards
and won eight, including Best Actor for Kingsley.
Twenty-three years later, Kingsley joined a cast that included Billy Zane and Meat Loaf
for BloodRayne, the film adaptation of a video game that isn't even the fifth best movie
about a half-vampire.
It’s another fine entry in the canon of Uwe Boll, the director responsible for a string
of notoriously terrible video game flicks that were essentially made to exploit a loophole
in German tax law.
That said, Kingsley doesn't exactly help matters.
While he's clearly capable of much more, he plays the villain of the film as cold and
emotionless —
"With the talisman joined, vampires shall rule the Earth."
— which is a nice way of saying that it seems like everything he says is read from
a script he's seeing for the first time.
William Marshall in Blacula
William Marshall was a classically trained Shakespearean actor who was once hailed by
the London Sunday Times as "the best Othello of our time."
Unfortunately, he’s far more famous for playing the title role in 1972's Blacula and
its amazingly titled sequel, Scream Blacula Scream.
"You shall be…
Blacula!"
"Blacula!"
Now, make no mistake: Blacula is actually a pretty awesome movie, and even stands as
one of the first horror movies to star a black actor in the lead role.
Marshall's performance as Mamuwalde — an African prince who strikes a deal with Dracula
and ends up as a vampire himself — is downright commanding.
Marshall reportedly insisted that the character be written with dignity rather than as a bumbling
punchline.
It was even commercially successful, riding the early '70s Blaxploitation movement to
become one of 1972's highest-grossing films.
That said, it's still a movie in which his performance is elevating the material, rather
than the other way around.
Cate Blanchett in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Well, this is embarrassing.
It looks like someone made a mistake in the notes for this video and accidentally wrote
that there was a fourth Indiana Jones movie where Indy fights aliens and has a son played
by Shia LaBeouf, even though we’re pretty sure there were only three movies in that
series.
If, however, there was a fourth Indiana Jones movie, then Cate Blanchett would've definitely
been too good for it, especially if was released in 2008, well after Blanchett had won an Academy
Award for Best Actress.
Then again, everyone in such a movie would've been slumming it, which is probably why it
definitely never happened.
Ever.
Bob Hoskins in Super Mario Bros.
Super Mario Bros. should've worked, and Bob Hoskins is almost perfect for the part of
Mario.
Admittedly, he's not Italian, and like any actor, he was probably very nervous about
stepping into the role so brilliantly defined by "Captain" Lou Albano.
"Time for a new day."
Hoskins’ performance in Who Framed Roger Rabbit is brilliant, and If he can pull that
off, then pretending to stomp on Koopa Troopas should be a piece of cake, right?
Unfortunately, that's not what happened.
Mario Bros. is a pretty difficult story to screw up, but the filmmakers somehow managed
to drop the ball so hard that it registered on the Richter scale.
Instead of a fun romp, it’s an incomprehensible modern dystopia, full of terrifying nightmare
monsters.
And also Dennis Hopper in a mud bath for some reason.
"Do you know what I love about mud?
It's clean, it's dirty at the same time."
Raul Julia in Street Fighter
Street Fighter might not be a "good" movie in the traditional sense, but it's also ridiculously
fun.
And Raul Julia's genuinely amazing portrayal of M. Bison is responsible for about 99 percent
of that.
"For I beheld Satan as he fell from heaven!!"
Saying he's going over the top with his performance doesn't quite cover it, because that implies
that he's somehow going beyond what the material demands.
That's not what's happening here at all.
The movie's version of Bison is the kind of megalomaniac who has an entire financial plan
based on printing up his own money and then kidnapping the Queen of England in order to
set up the exchange rate.
Sadly, Street Fighter was also Julia's last movie, a part he took despite suffering from
stomach cancer because his children were fans of the game.
But while his death at the height of his career is truly tragic, Julia's performance is beautifully,
unironically fantastic.
For fans of schlock, it's one of the most fun, self-aware, and endlessly quotable performances
ever to grace a goofy video game adaptation.
But for Raul Julia…
"It was Tuesday."
Sir Patrick Stewart in The Emoji Movie
Finally, there's this.
You had to know this was coming.
Sir Patrick Stewart, legendary Shakespearean actor, famous for bringing Captain Jean-Luc
Picard and Professor X, to life, ...star of stage and screen, patron saint of pop culture,
and all around super-talented guy…
literally plays a talking pile of poop in a movie about emojis.
"This is such a load of…"
"No, go ahead.
Finish that sentence."
There's literally nothing to add to that.
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