The Supreme Court.
Back in the day, the nomination process
was as exciting as a Ben Carson audiobook.
For instance, in the 1800s, when Justice George Shiras
was being confirmed, the biggest controversy
in his hearing was if he had magical metal claws.
But that was then.
Because we're now in week three of the Brett Kavanaugh hearings,
and the entire country has been shaken up.
There's so much drama in these hearings
that even the Real Housewives of Atlanta are watching it,
like, "Goddamn, this is insane."
And when we last checked in on this story,
Brett Kavanaugh had been accused of sexual assault
by a woman he knew in high school,
which, according to the GOP, means he's the real victim here.
In the very near future...
Judge Kavanaugh will be be on the United States Supreme Court.
(applause)
Don't get rattled by all of this.
We're gonna plow right through it.
And do our job.
What am I supposed to do?
Go ahead and ruin this guy's life based on an accusation?
I don't know when it happened, I don't know where it happened.
I'm just being honest.
Unless there's something more, no,
I'm not gonna ruin, uh, uh,
Judge Kavanaugh's life over this.
Wow, ruin his life?
Since when does not being appointed to the Supreme Court
count as ruining someone's life?
Like, Lindsey's acting like
if Brett Kavanaugh doesn't get this job he has to go back
to the diamond mines in Sierra Leone.
Either way, either way, Lindsey Graham says
that unless there's something more,
he's not gonna change his mind.
Well, guess what? Something more.
NEWSWOMAN: Overnight, a second woman coming forward
accusing Brett Kavanaugh of sexual misconduct.
NEWSMAN: Deborah Ramirez was a classmate
of Brett Kavanaugh's at Yale,
and according to The New Yorker, she says she remembers
a drunken party where Kavanaugh invaded her personal space
as he exposed himself.
Kavanaugh, who was also intoxicated,
pulled down his pants and exposed himself to her.
He then allegedly put his genitals in her face.
She accidentally touched them when she pushed him away.
Something she said
she didn't want to have anything to do with.
That's right, a second woman has accused Brett Kavanaugh
of sexual misconduct.
And if these allegations are true,
then there seems to be a pattern of behavior,
and the GOP's Supreme Court pick is in trouble.
Also, I don't understand why guys
are still whipping out dicks.
I mean, I know this happened a long time okay,
but that's my point. Like, why are guys whipping out dicks?
No party has ever been made better
by a dick being whipped out.
No one was ever like, "Yo, that party was boring,
"but then a dick came out...
and I had the time of my life."
(cheering and applause)
Keep it away.
Now, Kavanaugh is pushing back, right?
He's saying that he never whipped his penis out
at that college party.
And as for the first accuser,
he has proof that he wasn't even there.
We're just getting some new reporting
from The New York Times that Kavanaugh plans
to submit a calendar from 1982, that he kept,
with no such party marked on it.
Renato, is that a strong piece of evidence?
Renato, I'll take it from here.
(laughter)
If the man has a calendar, then the case is closed.
Because everyone knows, if it's not on your calendar,
then you never did shit.
Come on, man, a calendar just says what you plan on doing,
not what you actually did.
It's like a vision board.
Like, my calendar says Zumba at 6:00 a.m. every day, all right?
But I've never gotten up at that time.
Hell, I don't even know what a "Zumba" is.
Is it a bird? Sounds like a bird.
Zumba. Zumba.
I don't know.
It's also pretty ballsy that Kavanaugh, as a judge,
would bring up an old calendar as his defense,
because, like, I wonder if that would hold up in his court.
If you were like, "Your Honor, I couldn't have done it.
"You look at my calendar, it says 'no crimes all day.'
"All day. No crimes.
So we good."
(cheering and applause)
And, now, look, like, I'm gonna be honest with you.
It feels like most people have already decided
the merits of this case based on
where they stand politically, all right?
And in this climate, that doesn't surprise me.
What is interesting, is seeing how far some Republicans
are willing to take their support.
A show of hands, how many of you believe Judge Kavanaugh
when he says this didn't happen?
-I believe him. -I believe him, too.
-I believe him. -I do believe him. -I believe him.
This guy has an impeccable reputation.
There was nobody, nobody that has spoken ill-will about him.
Everyone that speaks about him--
this guy's an altar boy, you know, a scout.
He's, you know, because one woman made
an allegation-- Sorry, I don't buy it.
Yes. Everyone has spoken well of him,
except the people who haven't spoken well of him.
But I understand what this woman is saying, right?
But here's the thing.
You don't need to buy her story.
But you also don't have to accuse Dr. Ford of being a liar
just because you like your boy Brett over here, right?
And I get why you like him, don't get me wrong.
He's a a conservative judge, and he looks like a guy
who gives postage stamps as Christmas presents, right?
In fact, he looks less like a party animal
and more like the dad who would call the cops
on the party animal. I get it.
And you may know him as a Boy Scout,
but don't forget, Kavanaugh's college roommate says
that he was frequently incoherently drunk.
So there's another side of him.
There's a possibility that he did some of these things.
And maybe he was so drunk that he forgot.
Though, according to some Republicans,
even if it did happen, it's time to move on.
But in the grand scheme of things, my goodness,
you-- there was no intercourse.
There was maybe a touch.
Can we-- really?
36 years later she's still stuck on that, had it happened?
Wow. Wow.
Maybe a touch?
That's a novel way to describe a guy pinning a 15-year-old girl
to a bed and putting his hand over her mouth.
Like, she makes it sound like Kavanaugh trapped her in a room
just to brush some lint off her shoulder.
No. That's a-- like,
that's a super broad definition of "touch."
Like, "Hey, did you guys watch the Canelo fight in Vegas
"where he touched the other dude on the face until he bled?
Yeah, that was super weird."
And, look, I get why Republicans are doing this, right?
Getting five conservative justices onto the Supreme Court
is something they've been dreaming of for 40 years,
so they'll do anything to get it done,
even if it means normalizing sexual assault.
We're talking about a 15-year-old girl,
which I respect.
You know, I'm a woman. I respect.
But we're talking about a 17-year-old boy in high school
with testosterone running high.
Tell me what boy hasn't done this in high school.
Please, I would like to know.
(audience groaning)
(laughter)
(cheering and applause)
Yeah.
I-I don't want to brag, but that's...
that's not normal.
I mean, I've heard of lenient parents,
but this is some next-level shit.
What-What's interesting is that in one focus group,
we've seen where the Republican party is in a nutshell.
"Our guy's a saint.
"She's lying about what happened.
"But if she is telling the truth,
"it probably wasn't so bad.
"And even if it was so bad, everyone does it.
So who cares?"
And, you know, what's amazing to me
is that all of this is happening today.
It's a very significant day
because if you look at my calendar over here
and you go to see today's date,
you'll see that it says,
"Get the (bleep) out of here, man."