[whooshing sound] [ping] [Above Average Productions]
[woman sighing] [birds tweeting]
[Josh] Hey. Uh. Good morning.
[woman] What did you say? [♪ music ♪] [The Morning After]
[Josh] I. I said, uh, good morning. [woman] It's not a great morning? It's just good?
Like a B on a report card or daytime TV. 'Cause I thought I was better than good.
[Josh] You are. You're much better than good. You're really good.
[woman] Thank you. You should really think about the language you use before you say it, silly.
[Josh] What I'm trying to say is I had an amazing time last night. [woman] You did?
[Josh] Yeah. [women] I had an amazing time? So, it's all about you.
I guess my feelings don't matter. I guess I'm invisible.
[Josh] No. Not at all. -[woman] What? Am I like a ghost who helps you make pottery?
[Josh] No. No. No. None of that. I never said that. It's not about just me. I meant we. You and I.
I thought we had fun together. [woman] We had fun together?
What am I, like an X-box game? Some lame small town carnival. [Josh] I didn't say that. -[woman] with shitty rides.
Oh. Let's just get drunk and go to the lame carnival. It's fun. [Josh] No! No. No. I. didn't mean that at all. I mean,
I mean you're great. [woman] I'm great? -[Josh] Yeah. Great.
You know? 'Cause it's not, it's not good. Which you didn't like.
[woman] Okay. I guess the word stupendous is only reserved for really special people in your life.
[Josh] I don't say stupendous. Stupendous is not a word that I use in everyday life.
[woman] Really? 'Cause you just used it twice. You just said it twice. [Josh] Okay. If I. Ha ha! Um.
This is not how I intended this morning to go. You're taking everything I'm saying. You're taking
everything that I'm saying and you're spinning it to make it negative. Tell me what you want to say. I'll say it.
[woman] Tell me I'm prettier than Beyoncé [Josh] You're prettier than Beyoncé. -[woman] Fuck you!
No one's prettier than Beyoncé. [Josh] You told me to tell you that you're prettier than Beyoncé!
I just said it. [woman] Take it back. Say Beyoncé's prettier than me.
[Josh] Beyoncé's prettier than you. [woman] It was a trap! You think Beyoncé's prettier than me?
[Josh] Okay. Well, I'm just telling you what you told me to say. [woman] No. That's not how it works.
I want you to say what you want to say. But I want what you want to say, to be what I want you to say.
[Josh] You're asking me to be psychic. [woman] No. I'm not asking you to like, have super powers!
Like Wolverine. [Josh] Well. You're Jean Grey?
She's the one that reads minds. Just real quick. Sorry. [woman] What?
[Josh] The X-men. Wolverine. He's got the healing powers. [woman] I don't want you to be psychic.
I just want you to know what I'm thinking and then say it! [Josh] Okay. I will see you later.
[woman] Ah. Later. That makes sense 'cause you can't be specific with me. 'Cause you don't think I can keep a calendar?
[Josh] I don't care about your calendar. I'm just trying to be nice. [woman] Trying to be nice.
I get it. Because if you let the truth come out, then you would tell me what you really think.
Which is that you think my back is too muscular. [Josh] Okay. I just want you to shut up
and just listen to what I'm going to say. Okay? Just take this with zero subtext.
I had a great time with you last night and I think you are beautiful.
And, you're obviously horrible at taking compliments. That's fine. I'm gonna say this anyway and put myself out there.
Um. You give me butterflies. And I haven't felt that in awhile!
And, I really want to see you again. No bullshit. No games. Like, I, I like you.
[woman] Can't believe what I'm hearing. [Josh] Well. I mean it. I like you.
[woman] I give you butterflies?
[Josh] Yeah. [woman] I mean, who gets, who gets butterflies?
Special needs children when they go on a field trip to the bubble factory?
They get butterflies. Did you know that a butterfly is actually an insect that was previously a worm?
That's what I give you. I give you worms. And you like me. You know, I like vanilla ice cream.
I like when my friends call me Shell-Shell. But I like-like you. And you only like me?
You don't even like-like me? What the fuck? [Josh] Okay. You are clearly bat shit crazy. So,
I hope you use the rest of today to just go fuck yourself. Good-bye forever.
[woman] Wh wh wh wh wh wh wh... That's like the sweetest thing that anyone has ever said to me.
[Josh] Oh. God. [woman] Do you wanna have more sex?
[Josh] Okay. [woman] Okay? Okay?
So just two letters. O and K. I mean, you get to have sex with this and it's just okay?
I can't even play that in Words with Friends!
[woman] Who are you? [Nick] What? -[woman] Who are you?
[Nick] I'm, I'm Nick. [woman] How, how did you get in here?
[Nick] We, uh, we met last night. We had sex. [woman] No! No! I would remember if I met you.
[Nick] We did. We were pretty drunk. [woman] Are you a murderer? -[Nick] Whoa!
No. No, no, no. -[woman] That's what a murderer would say. [Watch Next: Stranger] [Previous: No Strings] [Watch Season One] [Above Average Productions] [Subscribe]
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