Does my ex want me to contact them? That is what we're going to be talking about in this
video. But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get the great loving relationship
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to help you get back together with your ex.
Again that's down below in the description box. We also give you this nice little report
too that helps to understand some common myths and kind of pull them apart even, that a lot
of people may have run across in this whole dating and relationship world. One of the
big ones is no contact. Oftentimes people think that they need to do the no contact
rule no matter what, but sometimes it can be really really dangerous to do it. I mean
don't get me wrong. There's definitely a time and place for it. But if you do it at the
wrong time and the wrong place, it can actually set you back a lot. Anyway, all that's down
below totally free. We are talking about does your ex want you to contact them? And more
importantly should you contact them?
Now? I know that there are a lot of people out there on YouTube and on the internet that
say that you should never ever ever ever ever initiate contact with your ex. That you should
wait for them to come crawling to you over broken shards of glass, with tears in their
eyes admitting the terrible mistake that they made in breaking up with you. And I totally
understand that situation, that frame of mind. It comes from a point of view of wanting to
feel powerful, to feel vindicated in some way. And that is totally something that you
can pursue if you want to. But feeling vindicated and feeling powerful and feeling righteous,
those are not necessarily the same things that are going to get you into a great loving
relationship. Sometimes they might be but sometimes they may not be, okay. And what
I want to help you do is to get you into a great loving relationship.
If that makes you feel vindicated and righteous and all that, cool. If not, whatever. That's
not my goal. My goal is to help you get into a great loving relationship. And if that doesn't
involve you being righteous and powerful and vindicated, then hey sorry this is probably
the wrong channel for you. But let's go ahead and get into this.
So your ex might want you to reach out to them. They might want you to contact them.
One way that you can know is if they know that things were better with you and after
the breakup things have been worse for them for whatever reason. Either their life just
didn't turn out to be as great as it was outside of the relationship or maybe this whole global
pandemic that we're all dealing with is a whole lot more difficult for them. Maybe they
didn't anticipate it happening or whatever.
But basically if their life after you is kind of a step down for them and maybe they feel
kind of embarrassed, maybe they feel kind of guilty about walking away from that relationship.
They might be looking for you to initiate contact with them. Now they might want to
talk to you. They might want to initiate some sort of conversation or communication with
you, but they might be holding themselves back because they feel embarrassed. They feel
like, "Oh, I took this step down. I took this step away from them." Like, "Who am I to go
back to them? Who am I to talk to them, to contact them to admit that I was wrong or
something like that."
And it's not necessarily about a pride thing. I mean it could be about a pride thing, but
it's not necessarily about a pride thing. It could be that they just kind of feel embarrassed
by their move. And they are having a hard time kind of confronting that and getting
past that to admit the fact that they actually want to be in contact with you. And so they're
kind of maybe waiting for you to contact them. It can happen. I've seen it happen before.
Don't write it off. Yeah. They also might be feeling prideful.
Generally speaking It hasn't been, how do I put this? Most of the time if pride has
been a major issue in someone contacting you or something like that, there's usually something
else going on, like narcissistic personality disorder or something like that. I'm not saying
that your ex has an NPD or some sort of mental illness, but usually if they're just like
a normal person, they can put their pride aside and contact you. But they might be feeling
embarrassed. They might be feeling kind of sheepish I guess I would say about where they
are in their life. And they don't think that they have a whole lot to offer you and so
they're holding themselves back. That's something that a normal person would do whereas generally
someone with like something a little bit more complex might hold back out of pride.
Also, another way you can know if your ex is wanting you to contact them, is if they
generally look for you to initiate things. Generally maybe during the relationship they
wanted you to initiate things. It's not that they were intentionally doing this most likely
it's probably just kind of like how they are. Maybe they just have like a passive sort of
personality. Maybe they just generally wait for other people to make the call one way
or another or to choose something one way or another. And if that's the case, then they're
probably kind of still carrying that energy forward into where things are right now. And
they might just be kind of playing that passive role again.
And again it's not that they're necessarily doing this to try to get you to play their
hand. They're just doing this because that's maybe how they are in life or that's how it
feels safe for them. Or maybe they just have a hard time speaking up or maybe they have
low self esteem or all sorts of other reasons why somebody might play the passive role in
things or why they might look for someone else to initiate things.
Another way you can tell if your ex is wanting you to contact them is if maybe the two of
you have left some sort of open ended plans in the past. Like, "Oh yeah, we should talk
again sometime." Or, "Yeah, it'd be nice to hang out some time." Or, "Yeah, it'd be nice
to do that." Or, "It'd be nice to think about doing this at some point." Or, "Yeah, let's
do this again." Or things like that. This is basically an open-ended door for them to
either contact you or for you to also contact them. They wouldn't be making these open-ended
plans with you if they weren't okay with you contacting them. I mean sure they might be
just polite or something especially if you have maybe kind of a more dominant personality
and they don't know how to say no. But most likely they are leaving the door open for
you to contact them if and when you feel ready to do so.
Okay. That's also something to keep in mind. Now with all of this in mind, should you actually
contact your ex? Well I guess before we get into that, you might want to check out this
video series up here on texting your ex. It can help you to understand some of the ins
and outs of texting your ex so check that out. But should you contact your ex? I mean
obviously if there's like a heavy heavy heavy degree of emotional resistance on their part
towards being in contact with you, there might be some things to consider there. Although
if you're watching this video I'm guessing that's probably not the case. Should you contact
your ex? Most likely if you're thinking about it, you probably should. You probably should.
I know that for a lot of people especially for women that I've worked with in the past,
they have a difficult time initiating contact with their ex. And they think that like, "Oh,
the man should take the initiative. The man should do it."
And I totally get that. If this was a dating sort of situation where like the two of you
met and you went out on a date or something like that and you wanted to go out again,
yeah it probably would make sense most of the time for the guy to make the next move.
You have to understand though that this is not a dating situation. This is a relationship
repair sort of situation. And there can be so many complex emotions that could be going
on beneath the surface. Like for example you know if he maybe feels embarrassed about where
he's at in his life. He might not think that he's worthy of having you in his life. And
so he might hold himself back from initiating contact even though he might want to. Right.
And so you have to kind of look at these emotional things that are going on beneath the surface
before you either say, "Yeah, I should wait," or, "No, I shouldn't wait."
But oftentimes a lot of what I do with women that seem a little bit hesitant about initiating
contact is I kind of push them out of their comfort zone a little bit. And oftentimes
really great things start happening when you actually take action and go after what you
want. So don't think that just because you're like a woman or something like that that you
need to play passive. I don't think that being passive is a feminine characteristic. I think
it's absolutely possible that you're active and go after what you want in life while still
maintaining that kind of feminine energy. So I think that's a big misconception that
a lot of people make is that femininity is passively. No no not the case at all. So don't
think that that's like a get off the hook kind of thing like, "[inaudible 00:10:19],
I want to be a feminine woman." No no. You can still be feminine and still also be active
and going after what you want. Okay.
And most of the time I think if you really want to connect with your ex and it's just
not happening on their timeline, it probably does make sense to initiate contact yourself.
Whether you're a man whether you're a woman whether your ex is a man or a woman or on
any of these things. Go after what you want. It generally makes sense to do so. Also once
again, if you're not already you might want to be on that email newsletter that is down
below in the description box for this video. And of course if you liked this video, give
me a thumbs up. Subscribe to the channel if you like what we're talking about here. And
if you want to learn more about texting your ex and all that, you might want to check out
this video series over here on the subject or you might want to check out this video
over here. But thank you so much for watching this video. And I'll talk to you next time.
Please take care.