[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
>> Greg: SO STUPID!
STUPID!
YES!
YEAH!
LOOKED AT ME.
THERE I AM, ON TV.
HAPPY WEDNESDAY, EVERYONE.
I’M DROOLING.
WHY DO COMPANY COMPANIES DROOL W
THOUSANDS OF JOBS FOR?
WE KNOW THE AVERAGE AMERICAN
BEER DRINKER DOES NOT LOOK LIKE
THIS.
[LAUGHTER]
WE PREFER AL BAHER NEXT TO BE IN
A BOWL.
[LAUGHTER]
AFTER ANHEUSER-BUSCH HIRED DYLAN
MULVANEY, SALES ARE DOWN 25%.
THE COMPANY IS EVEN TALK ABOUT
REDESIGNING THE LABELS.
HERE IS THE NEW LABEL.
[LAUGHTER]
AND ACTUALLY, HERE IS MY
SUGGESTION.
[LAUGHTER]
I MEAN, LET’S BE HONEST.
SHE SEEMS LIKE A BARREL OF
LAUGHS OR AT LEAST 2 BARRELS.
[LAUGHTER]
AND NOW WITH ANOTHER COMPANY
SEEMS TO BE MESSING WITH THEIR
CORE AUDIENCE.
HERE YOU HAVE 81-YEAR-OLD MARTHA
STEWART ON THIS YEAR’S "SPORTS
ILLUSTRATED" SWIMSUIT ISSUE.
THAT IS NOT BAD FOR 81.
AND SHE IS ACTUALLY A WOMAN.
[LAUGHTER] MARTHA HAS SOME WRINKLES.
MARTHA HAS SOME WRINKLES.
BUT THEY ARE NOT ON A SCROTUM.
AN UNDERRATED WORD, IF YOU ASK
ME.
TRANSGENDER POP STAR COMPETITORS
IS ALSO ON ANOTHER COVER AND I
KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SEEKING.
WHO?
EXACTLY.
NAME RECOGNITION OR ANY
MEDICATION AT ALL DOES NOT
MATTER AS LONG AS YOU TICK A
BOX.
THIS ONE TO MAKE A BOX OR RATHER
PACKAGE.
IT IS FOR THE MARKETING TEAM. IF YOU WORRIED THE PRODUCT IS
IF YOU WORRIED THE PRODUCT IS
NOT SO, YOU ARE A TRANSPHOBIA TR
WITH STACKS IN THE BARBERSHOP
AND EACH ISSUE IS COVERED LIKE A
ROLL OF CHARMIN AND A CHILLY
FACTOR AND THAT SWIMSUIT ISSUE,
EVERY YEAR IT GOT PASSED AROUND
LIKE A HYPODERMIC NEEDLE IN THE
SUBWAY.
EVERYBODY WANTED IT.
IT IS CLEAR THOSE CUSTOMERS,
THEY WERE JUST AWFUL PEOPLE.
THEY ARE GROSS SEXIST HIGGS AND
IT IS TIME WE MAKE THEM HARD FOR
BEING DECENT PEOPLE BECAUSE WE
ARE SUCH BITTER PEOPLE NOW.
WITH THE CRICKETS ARE BETTER
THAN STEAK AND TURTLES ARE
VICTIMS OF OPPRESSION AND MEN
MAKE BETTER WOMEN.
THESE NEW MARKETING PEOPLE ARE
BETTER THAN ANYONE WHO CAME
BEFORE BECAUSE AS MILLER LITE
POINTS OUT, THOSE CREEPS, THEY
PUT LADIES IN BIKINIS.
>> WOMEN WERE AMONG THE VERY
FIRST TO BREW BEER.
CENTURIES LATER, HOW DID THE
INDUSTRY PAY ON MARCH?
THEY PUT US IN BIKINIS.
WOW.
LOOK AT THIS [BLEEP].
IT IS TIME BEER MADE IT UP.
MILLER LITE IS ON A MISSION TO
CLEAN UP THE WHOLE BEER
INDUSTRY’S [BLEEP]
>> Greg: THE COMPANY SAYS WOMEN
IN BIKINIS SHOULD BE FORCED TO
MUD WRESTLE TO SELL BEER.
I KNOW, I AGREE.
LET’S GO WITH ALFREDO SAUCE.
[LAUGHTER]
THEY WERE NOT FORCED TO DO
ANYTHING.
THEY WERE PAID.
IF YOU DO NOT LIKE IT, YOU DON’T
HAVE TO DO IT.
THAT IS WHAT I SAY TO THE
ENTRANCE ON BLACKCHIEF SUNDAY.
[LAUGHTER]
THE MILLER LITE AD PREMIERED
WEEKS BEFORE MELANIA’S BUD LIGHT VIDEO POPPED UP.
VIDEO POPPED UP.
THEY TRY TO PLAY THEIR OWN AD.
THEY ACTED JUST LIKE DRUGGIES
FLUSHING DOWN THEIR STASH
BECAUSE THE COPS ARE AT THE DOOR
EXCEPT THE COPS ARE ACTUALLY
THEIR CUSTOMERS.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
ALL THESE NAUSEATING PICTURES
ARE MASQUERADING AS ADS, THE
COLLEGE IS TURNING OUT TOO MANY
USELESS WOMEN STUDY?
SO THE END UP IN COMPANIES
DEMANDING TAMPONS IN MEN’S
ROOMS?
THEY VIEW BUYERS AS INSECTS,
STUPID, GROSS, EASILY
MANIPULATED, SUMMIT TO BE
PUNISHED COULD NOT CELEBRATE IT.
LIKE WHEN THAT GILLETTE AND FROM
A FEW YEARS BACK OFFERED A
CHARACTER JUROR OF MASCULINITY
SUGGESTING BAD BEHAVIOR WAS THE
NORM AMONG MEN.
THEY SWITCHED THEIR SLOGAN FROM
THE BEST A MAN CAN GET TO USE
THESE TO SLASH YOUR WRISTS.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU MALE OPPRESSION AND SPACE
OPPRESSORS WHY DOES ONE COMPANY
AFTER ANOTHER KEEP ALIENATING
THEIR CUSTOMER BASE?
CORPORATE ACCESS ARE MANY
PLEADED BY WOKE GRADS.
THEY EMBRACE A SHORT-TERM VIRTUE
SIGNAL OVER LONG TERM REWARD.
IF THEY NEVER ACTUALLY TALKED TO
THE PEOPLE WHO BUY THEIR STUFF,
THEY CAN FOOL THEMSELVES INTO
BELIEVING THEIR FRIENDS AND
PROFESSIONAL PEERS ARE THE REAL
WORLD.
THEY CAN TELL THEMSELVES THEY
ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE IF ONLY
THOSE STUPID CARPENTERS THOSE
CUSTOMERS WOULD REPENT.
DID YOU NOTICE MILLER LITE DID
NOT MENTION THEIR MOST POPULAR
ADS WHICH INCLUDED FAMOUS JOCKS
AND SPORTS PERSONALITIES LIKE
NICK BUTKUS AND JOHN MADDEN.
ALPHA MALES THAT APPEAL ARE YOU
NO SURPRISE TO MAN.
NOT A SINGLE SCRAWNY CHINLESS
SETH MEYERS AMONG THEM.
AND YOU KNOW THE AD AGENCY WHO
MADE THAT MILLER’S ANTI-60
SCREEN HIGHER NOTHING BUT
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN FOR ADS THAT
TARGET WOMEN.
THERE IS NOT A SINGLE BROAD
SELLING SHAMPOO OR MAKEUP.
AND THAT MAKES SENSE.
IT IS LIKE BUYING HAIR CARE
PRODUCTS FROM A BALD PERSON.
[LAUGHTER]
SCOLDING PEOPLE FOR BEING PEOPLE
IS A LOUSY WAY TO SELL PRODUCTS.
AND NOW THEY ARE SO SURPRISED
WHEN IT ACTUALLY BACKFIRES?
I’M SORRY, YOU COULD IMAGINE
WHERE THIS IS ALL HEADED.
>> ALL RIGHT, GENTS.
LET’S GO OVER TO MARKETING
STRATEGY FOR OUR NEW FEMALE
PRODUCTS.
NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO SELL TO A
WOMAN LIKE A MAN.
STEVE, HOW ABOUT THOSE SPORTS
BRAS?
>> I DON’T THINK THIS IS GOING
TO LOOK GOOD ON ME AT THE GYM.
>> GRADE POINT.
JOHNSON, WHAT IS THE LATEST ON
THE NAIL POLISH?
>> THIS COLOR IS SUMMERY AND I’M
MORE OF A WINTER PALLET.
>> EXCELLENT POINTS.
ANY MORE UPDATES ON THE FEMALE
PRODUCTS?
>> I WAS THINKING --
>> NO, NO.
THANK YOU.
ANYONE ELSE?
>> YEAH.
THIS PATERNITY WEAR IS NOT
AGREEING WITH MY CURVES LIKE I
THOUGHT IT WOULD.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
>> I THINK THAT IS ALL FOR TODAY
TODAY.
>> Greg: LET US WELCOME
TONIGHT’S GUESTS.
SHE IS LIKE A TINY BELT MOVES
FAST, KIDS, AND LIVES IN HER
CAR.
THE HOST OF THE FOX TRUE CRIME
PODCAST, EMILY COMPAGNO.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BENEATH THAT ROUGH EXTERIOR IS A
ROUGH INTERIOR.
FORMER NYPD INSPECTOR AND
ATTORNEY PALMER ROAD.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LIKE A RUBIK’S CUBE, SHE IS
COLORFUL AND 49 YEARS OLD.
FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR KAT TIMPF.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND HE IS DAMAGED MORE MAN THAN
TAYLOR SWIFT.
MY MASSIVE SIDEKICK IN THE NWA
CHAMPION, TYRUS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
EMILY, IN CASE PEOPLE DON’T
REALIZE, YOU WERE A OAKLAND
RAIDERS CHEERLEADER AND YOU
NEVER GOT RECOGNIZED.
>> Emily: NO.
>> Greg: GOOD FOR YOU.
>> Emily: ONLY IN THE HAZING.
>> Greg: YOU WERE AN SI VAN.
I IMAGINE YOU READ SPORTS
ILLUSTRATED.
>> Emily: I LOVE THAT STUFF.
I WAS ON THIS PART OF THE
MAXIMUM ONLINE, IN A PARTICULAR
SECTION, OR WHATEVER.
SO I LOVE THIS AND WHAT I FEEL
THAT MILLER LITE FOR EXAMPLE HAS
GOTTEN WRONG IS THAT THEY
PRESENT THAT YOU HAVE TO BE AN
OR.
YOU CAN ONLY APPARENTLY TO BE
YOU CAN ONLY BE A BREWER, YOU
DID IN THE DIRT OR YOU WEAR
BIKINIS AND YOU ARE FEMININE AND
YOU ARE SEXUAL.
I HAVE A SMALL FAMILY WINERY.
I DID IN THE DIRT AND I ALSO
WEAR BIKINIS AND I LOVE LOOKING
AT ADS OF WOMEN IN BIKINIS.
>> Greg: DO YOU WEAR A BIKINI
WHEN YOU ARE TAKING IN THE DIRT?
>> THAT IS A NEW AD.
FOR THEM, THOUGH, IT IS ONLY ONE
OR THE OTHER.
THE FEMININE M&M HAS TO HAVE
SNEAKERS NOW.
SHE CAN CHOOSE TO BE SEXUAL, TO
CHOOSE TO BE FOUND IN.
IT IS NOT JUST THE WOKE
CORPORATE SOCIAL MEDIA INVOLVED.
THESE COMPANIES ARE ACTUALLY
ANSWERING TO THE CONSUMER
EQUALITY INDEX.
THERE’S ACTUALLY THE HUMAN
RIGHTS CAMPAIGN THAT CREATED AN
ENTIRE MANUFACTURED EQUALITY
INDEX THAT RANKS THESE COMPANIES
AND ACCORDING TO THAT SCORE THAT
THEY GET, THAT IS THE VALUE OF
THEIR STOCK.
THAT IS THE VALUE OF WHETHER
THEY ARE APPLAUDED AND PUT IN
CERTAIN ADVERTISING BUNDLES FOR
EMPLOYEES.
FOR THEM, ACTUALLY HAS A
FINANCIAL VALUE.
BUT WHAT THEY ARE FORGETTING AND
ALL OF THIS IS THE CONSUMER.
AND THAT IS WHY MILLER LITE AND
BUD LIGHT’S STOCKS AND SALES
HAVE PLUMMETED BECAUSE WE HATE
THIS [BLEEP].
GIVE ME BACK THE WOMEN IN THE
BIKINIS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: ALL RIGHT.
I’M EQUALLY OUTRAGED THAT THAT
FEMALE M&M HAS LOST ITS AGENCY.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW, PAUL CHRYST YOU AND I
ARE ROUGHLY THE SAME AGE.
GIVE OR TAKE A DECADE.
YOU, I MEAN, I DON’T WANT TO
OVERESTIMATE THE DECLINE OF SI.
BUT DAMN COULD REMEMBER WHAT A
GREAT MAGAZINE WAS?
EVERYONE -- IT WAS -- AND NOW IT
IS LIKE NOBODY READS IT.
SOCIAL MEDIA AND THE INTERNET.
>> SO, YOU KNOW, LET’S TAKE A
STEP BACK.
I ALWAYS ASK MYSELF, WHY?
IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT --
>> Greg: YOU ARE A PHILOSOPHER.
>> I WAS BROUGHT UP THAT WAY.
SINCERELY, IF YOU LOOK AT THE
COMMON DENOMINATOR HERE, RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, HAVE ALL OF THESE
WOKE COMPANIES DOING WHAT THEY
ARE DOING AND YOU HAVE TO SAY TO
YOURSELF, IT DOES NOT WORK
ECONOMICALLY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IT?
RIGHT?
WHAT DOES TARGET IS WHAT YOU
HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF AND DOESN’T
FEEL LIKE REVENGE?
IT FEELS TO ME LIKE SOMEPLACE IN
THE DEEP DARK PAST, SOME CAVEMEN
COULD NOT OF THE DOES NOT AND
DRAGGED HER INTO A CAVE AND ALL
THE MEN NOW ARE PAYING FOR THAT,
RIGHT?
IT IS LIKE THE THING THAT YOU
BOTH WIFE -- WHEN SHE SAYS,
[INDISTINCT] YOU SAID TO ME LAST
SPRING.
IT IS THE EQUIVALENT OF THAT AND
YOU HAVE TO SAY, WHY?
IT HAS THAT FIELD AND I FEEL
LIKE AT THIS POINT, SOMEBODY HAS
MADE THE CALCULUS THAT MEN ARE
JUST ANNOYED.
THE TRADITIONAL ROLE OF MEN ARE
IN A WAY AND THE REASON FOR THAT
IS CONTROLLED.
WE ARE IN THE WAY OF THE
COMPLETE CONTROL OF THE EIGHT
PEOPLE ON EACH COAST BECAUSE
THIS IS NOT A LARGE GROUP.
15 PEOPLE TOTAL WHO HAVE DECIDED
RIGHT NOW THAT THIS IS WHAT WE
HAVE TO DO.
WE HAVE TO DRINK BEER FROM
MULVANEY.
AND NOBODY WANTS TO DO THAT.
BUT YOU WILL OBEY.
>> Greg: YEAH.
AND AT THE END, EVEN IF YOU
DON’T LIKE IT, YOU CAN’T TALK
ABOUT IT.
>> IF YOU DO, YOU ARE A
TRANSPHOBE.
>> Greg: CAP, I FEEL LIKE WHAT
PAUL SAYS, A SENSE OF
VINDICTIVENESS.
AND WHEN MEN RENT ADVERTISING IN
THE 60s THROUGH THE 2000s,
THE GOOD OLD DAYS, THEY ARE NOT
NEGATIVE ABOUT WOMEN.
I MEAN, NO --
>> Kat: IT IS FUNNY THAT YOU
BROUGHT UP THE GILLETTE AT.
YOU INSPIRED ME TO RE-SHARE THE
RENT THAT I WENT ON WHEN
EVERYONE WAS GOING CRAZY ABOUT
HOW MEN WERE UNDER ATTACK.
LITERALLY EVERY AD EVER IS LIKE
THE ENTIRE BEAUTY AND FITNESS
INDUSTRY, JUST TELLING WOMEN
THEY ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
I WILL RESHARE THAT.
>> Greg: THEY DO FOCUS GROUPS
WITH WOMEN.
THEY DON’T WANT SOME THINGS SOLD
FROM A WOMAN THAT THEY CAN’T
ASPIRE TO BE.
>> Kat: I’M GOING TO RESHARE
THAT.
BUT I THOUGHT THAT THE MARTHA
STEWART’S SPORTS ILLUSTRATED
COVER WAS ACTUALLY QUITE
THOUGHT-PROVOKING.
IT PROVED TO ME THAT AGE IS JUST
A NUMBER BECAUSE YOU LOOK AT IT,
YOU THINK, THAT WOMAN IS OLDER
THAN JOE BIDEN.
>> Greg: UH-HUH.
[LAUGHTER]
AND LOOKS BETTER IN A BIKINI.
>> Kat: I DON’T EVEN THINK HE
COULD SIT LIKE THAT.
>> Greg: NO, I DON’T THINK SO
TO.
>> Kat: ONLY WHEN HE HAS TO PEE.
THAT WAS FOR YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Kat: I MEAN, I GUESS IT IS
INSPIRING TO NOTE THAT.
I, TOO, COULD LOOK LIKE THAT IF
I MAKE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF
DOLLARS.
>> Greg: EXACTLY.
AND YOU NEED AN AIRBRUSHING
MACHINE THE SIZE OF A FOURTH --
A 747.
>> Kat: I WILL BE DAD.
>> Greg: OF THAT KNOW TO YOU ARE
A FAN.
>> Tyrus: I AM A HUGE FAN AND
SHE IS A FAN.
SHE IS PART OF MY GROUP.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
AND ANYONE WHO DOES AND I HAVE
HAD THE PLEASURE OF BEING IN HER
OFFICE WHILE I WAS BODY CARD
--DASH BODY GUARDING FOR SNOOP.
IT IS NOT A SEX STORY, I’M
SORRY.
SHE WAS SO KIND AND SO OJEYA
COOL.
SHE SAID, LET ME SHOW YOU
SOMETHING.
AGAIN, NOT A SEX STORY.
WE DON’T GET THAT.
AND SHE BROUGHT ME IN HER
OFFICE.
I KNOW.
IT IS NOT A SEX STORY.
ARE GOING IN HER OFFICE AND SHE
PUTS ON THE LIGHTS AND SHE SAYS,
TAKE A LOOK AT ALL MY ENEMIES.
I WAS LIKE, DAMN, SHE HAD ONE
EVERYWHERE.
THERE WERE PICTURES OF REALLY
ATTRACTIVE WOMEN.
I ALMOST SAID HOT CHICK, BUT I
APOLOGIZE.
[BLEEP] HOT CHICKS ALL OVER THE
WALL AND SHE ILIKE, THAT IS
ME.
LOOK AT ME.
SHE WAS A 10 BEFORE THERE WAS A
MAKE SURE SYSTEM.
RAQUEL ROSA DID NOT HAVE [BLEEP]
ON MARTHA STEWART.
YOU NEED TO CHECK IT OUT.
YOU WERE IN THEIR MID-20s?
AND YOU LOOK AROUND THE THING
AND SHE SAID, CAN YOU BELIEVE
SOMEBODY DIVORCED ME?
I COULD NOT.
SHE HAS BEEN HOT FOR DECADES.
EVEN WENT TO JAIL, GOT PRESENTS
TRIBES.
THERE IS NO ONE COOLER THAN
MARTHA STEWART.
I WILL BE BUYING THAT MAGAZINE,
ABSOLUTELY.
>> Greg: YOU KNOW, I THINK SHE
WAS THROWING IT OUT THERE FOR
YOU.
SHE WANTED YOU, AND YOU DID NOT
REACT.
>> Tyrus: ON OFTEN ASKED IF I
HAD A HALL PASS, THAT IS MIKE
HALL PAST.
>> Greg: HE IS ABLE HALL PASS?
>> Tyrus: NO, THEY DO TV SHOWS
TOGETHER.
THEY ARE FRIENDS.
>> Greg: GOT IT.
>> Tyrus: HE WOULD BE ABSURD.
I THINK SHE IS HIS HALL PASS.