[Music]
Hey
how's it going usual can't win them all
yeah or any of them I've seen you around
my name is Ted nice to meet you
why do you do that shake hands with
people already know like I'm meeting
them for the first time I don't know I
just think it's funny or something god
you're weird
snacks we're already in a restaurant
yeah I'm weird yeah you are when I first
met you you were wearing a friend's
t-shirt and you said you didn't even
like the show you just like the concept
of friendship whatever that was great
seven I can't be held responsible for
things I did back then you are the one
actually watching that show you probably
still watch it like that guy from that
MADtv sketch where he's imaginary
friends with all the characters make
sure we've posted sure okay have you
ever gone back and watched the show
friend it's garbage man it's actually
the worst yeah
probably even I think that shows too
white it's not even that it's it's more
like there are two things to know about
the show friends right number one is
that every funny thing you remember it's
from the first season when the actors
were nobodies with average income
playing nobodies with average income
instead of instead of millionaires
playing regular people like aliens and
human costume and number two is dammit I
lost my tricks box hey feel all right
Rajon onstage here just really tired
this week I'm fine
Edie Lindbergh
[Music]
okay so yeah and number two is that in a
contemporary TV show
Ross would be a goddamn supervillain
people forget what the 90s were like
watch a few episodes you'll just be
staring in horror at this nightmarish
[ __ ] you're being told of somehow the
protagonist the show is basically saying
yeah it's perfectly good and fine and
protagonist ish for a guy to be this
gigantic jealous petty manipulative
bastard who literally yells at women for
doing the same things he does because
it's fine for a guy to do it
fine it's jaw-dropping if you go back
and watch it now there should have been
the one with the intervention where the
other forced it Rachel down and tell her
she need to stop going back to this
abusive loser holy [ __ ] that's
unbelievable course calling all cars
come on this is the show that invented
the friendzone after all it's the Robert
Oppenheimer of all that men's rights
[ __ ] destroyer of worlds Martha
friendzone that's for a little [ __ ]
internet losers hanging around a chick
they want to screw who obviously does it
return their feelings or some damn thing
yeah it's where dudes objectify women to
the extent that women equal sex so if
you're not sleeping with a chick then
you're getting ripped off or whatever
[ __ ] these quote unquote people are
telling themselves sorry I just get
really mad about this [ __ ] I'm pretty
sure people think I'm friend-zoning you
see other people but still even after
however many years they see you helping
me move apartments and they're like oh
this guy he's just biding his time
that's just it
this kind of [ __ ] infects the
general discourse and then you're
feeling weird about things that are
perfectly normal just because some
stupid sitcom was written by idiot and
forced on everyone via a monoculture
we're only now digging ourselves up
there's the liberal arts degree talking
so yeah I probably have felt weird about
it a few times but there's a long list
of great people I'm still going to be
friends with in 20 years because I'm not
sleeping with them and then there's also
an opposite list I prefer not to think
about not everything that's good looks
that way from the outside
this is probably saying is that
everyone's looking for a partner so if
you found someone you like spending time
with and why not just go ahead and date
them I don't know oh there's nobody else
is maybe that's a cop-out though it's
Rhyno liberal everyone's pretending to
be I'm sure you're still getting a few
comments about your chick best friend
and why don't you just hook up and I
guarantee it bothers you you know what
yeah and when I don't get comments I
imagine them and then I even question
myself even though it's [ __ ] but at
least it's [ __ ] weeds out the
judgmental people you know why you're
going to be the best man at my wedding
because I'm going to be marrying
somebody who's fine with that hey you
two brewski even if I love to Vegas for
a three-minute ceremony I still want you
hovering nearby and some official
capacity
oh I'm maid of honor you do get comments
today I have friends who don't get it
like they don't say it outright but they
say nothing instead of stuff they
normally say if you were a dude granted
these are the same friends who will
unprompted repeatedly go another way to
tell me how non racist they are you know
I think I think your friends are a bunch
of slack-jawed all right let's just say
we agree that people should [ __ ] shut
up what do you say when people ask
besides
[ __ ] you mom I don't know the reflex is
always no no we're just friends but at
the same time that's kind of what's the
word [ __ ] lame as [ __ ] yeah there it
is well [ __ ] yeah exactly
just friends that's such garbage having
someone trust you and want to
consistently be in the same place as you
it's the worst yeah we're not going out
mom we're just in a situation of
permanent mutual support and
understanding we're trying to work
through it though yeah you know we're
just attractive to others in the first
place because of a confidence from being
accepted by another person yeah as much
as I genuinely see every month as an
opportunity for a baskin-robbins number
of one-night stands there's probably
something to be said for how we've been
hanging out since grade seven whereas
the longest I've dated a guy for is
maybe seven months and then once it's
over it's super over man grade seven
it's been that long Hank that's nice and
we haven't once woken up naked together
in a hotel room at someone else's
wedding like TV said what happened well
I think sitcoms in
reality our girlfriend yeah I don't see
that one anyone can you got any other
women friends there by the way what
about that gangly [ __ ] Christian
check I keep seeing you with are you two
bros or what Oh her no no that's not
anything we're just in a relationship Oh
too bad
yeah well you can't win them all but
yeah that's what I tell people if they
ask anyway
something about how I like the concept
of friendship yeah you know just that
whole thing working people are friends
because they're similarly weird but but
they similarly would both want the
support of a romantic partner that
balances out their craziness because
love and romantic love are different
equal plus a different sexual needs and
long-term goals anyway whatever they
call that common sense yeah that or
maybe I just want to make sure that I
still know you in 20 years back nah I'm
actually trying to eat less read me
lately I was reading this thing about
sodium phosphate how anyone thinks I
could date you is beyond me back at you
Martha back at you you been
but you don't give a [ __ ] now
you're gonna do - hey everybody I'm Andy
and I play Ted on people watching thanks
for checking out the video
if you like us go follow us on Facebook
at facebook.com slash sub normality and
actually I've got a bit of a confession
to make myself I recently watched all of
friends and Rock is actually my favorite
he actually ended up being the funniest