Hey everybody I've got a couple of very important questions to answer about relationships this
week. To help me do that I've brought along former President of the United States Theodore
Roosevelt and this really cute cat. Your questions, my answers and a whole lot more, after the intro.
So I haven't done commenter of the week in a while but last week's Ask Cristen 'Are Periods
Poisonous?' generated two comments so worthy of praise I've got to call them out. First
I've got @Pipers Twin with, 'If periods are poisonous what about all the other things
we use for punctuation?' Coming in at a very close number two, @Carina Valentin said, 'If
you're wearing skinny jeans, you're surely not on your period.' This week I've got a
couple of questions about relationships. The first one is coming from @mandymgnta who wants
to know, 'I'm wondering, I read an article that says it's important to cultivate serious
relationships in your twenties because you have to practice. I don't know how much credit
to give it. Is there really a right age to develop serious relationships? I'm 25 now,'
you spring chicken, you, 'and I've never been in a serious relationship. Should I be worried
that I don't have "practical experience"?' First of all @Mandymgnta: No! Everybody develops
a little differently and I've known people who have fallen in love earlier in life and
later in life and every age in between, so calm yourself the time has certainly not run
out for you. But I would also challenge you to take a minute and ask yourself the question
of why you haven't been in a serious relationship. I have a feeling that maybe it has something
to do with the fact that you've been too invested in your hobbies, career, school, friendships,
relationships outside of romantic ones. If that's the case, you do you. I would also
challenge you to consider how you would define a serious relationship because that's also
going to change from person to person. Really figure out and understand better what is valuable
to you, what is attractive to you, that's the kind of practical experience that helps
out in long term dating. It's actually knowing yourself. The more confident I am in who I
am, the healthier my relationships are. Question from @menlovetoeat. @Cristen loves to eat
too. 'Dear Cristen I recently read an article about social media ruining kids' and adults'
sex lives, making it the norm to just hookup instead of form meaningful relationships.
Is this bad? I'm struggling because I somewhat agree with this view but I also don't think
it's okay to judge someone else's sex life just because it's different. Dealing with
some of these issues myself, I'm wondering where these two arguments meet if they do
at all.' Now I know the article that you're referring to and I read it and I had a negative
reaction to this article. It echoes this common refrain of 'hookup culture plus teenage girls
equal ruination of women'. That's the problem with these kinds of articles that are panicked
about social media and technology and how that's accelerating the hookup culture. I
think that what's ruining people's sex lives is us having more access than ever before
but still having such a low level of education and understanding about what we're really
wanting and doing and engaging in. Not just physically but also emotionally and mentally.
That combined with our fear of talking about it to kids in particular is only going to
make the problem worse. We are not teaching girls about agency, about consent, about bodily
integrity, about self-love, porn expectations versus real world expectations. Hooking up
is not going to go away but hooking up is also not the problem. I want to hear what
you think about this. Do you think that social media influence and technology and the hookup
culture is ruining sex and dating especially for girls and women? Let me know in the comments,
I know this is kind of a hot button topic so I really want to hear back from you on
this. And keep it civil, don't get slut-shamey people. Ask me your questions, I'll do my
best to answer. I'll see you next week and stay terrific.