[Action introductory music playing]
[Suspenseful music plays]
Cadmium: I am really sorry, this doesn't
fit our model here at S.H.H.
Cadmium: I mean, armed security MUSHROOMS?!
Cadmium: Really?!
How do you expect that to work?
[Waiting room music playing]
Fun Guy Fern: Commander Cadmium, you won't regret this!
I mean, look at this mushroom!
Fun Guy Fern: It has a little cop hat on!
I mean-[nervous laughter]-I'm intimidated!
C: Look-Fun Guy Fern-you got your start here at S.H.H., and
I respect you, but my answer is "no".
[Notification sounds]
C: Ah, Agents Aeon and Amethyst, come in!
Fern was... just leaving.
C: Sit down you two.
Aeon: What is it, Commander?
C: Starting early today, I'm afraid.
C: We have reports that the Hawthorne Hipster is on
the outskirts of town making some kind of huge bonfire.
C: It's raising quite the ruckus out there.
Get on it you two!
Amethyst: Sure thing, Commander.
Amethyst: I don't get it.
Why's the Commander so upset about a bonfire?
Amethyst: I mean-sure-it's annoying,
but why get us involved?
Aeon: Don't you get it?
Cadmium's worried about all the particulate matter
being given off by the bonfire.
Aeon: You know, particulate matter?
It's a mixture of tiny solid particles and
liquid droplets found in the atmosphere.
Amethyst: It can also be known as "particle pollution."
Amethyst: So little particles get in the air, so what?
Aeon: Well, sometimes the particles are just soil or dust,
but other times organic chemicals, and
metals can become airborne.
Amethyst: Consider this-the Hawthorne Hipster is
burning SOMETHING out there.
Amethyst: When she lights the fire, smoke is given off.
Amethyst: That smoke will contain tiny particles of
whatever chemicals were in her fire.
Amethyst: [suspenseful music] So if the chemical is
highly toxic...
Aeon:...Then it's getting into the air.
Amethyst: Then we better get on it!
Let's go!
[action music]
Amethyst: So how do all these particles get in the air anyway?
Aeon: Well, human activities like construction, mining,
processing metals or stones, or
combustion can release particles.
Amethyst: Eh-combustion, like bonfires...or burning
fuel to make your car run-no?
Aeon: Yes-burning fossil fuels will release
particles in the air.
Aeon: That's why the agency gives us these cars
that run on kale.
It's not just human activity though.
Aeon: Pollen, sea salt, or dust can be blown around
from just the wind.
Aeon: Or wildfires and volcanic activity can release
massive amounts of particles in the air naturally.
Amethyst: [gasp] Volcanic activity!
Like that time with the giant chicken-in the theme song!
Aeon: Yeah, they never show the coolest parts
from the theme song...
[action music]
Hipster: Over-produced, big record label garbage!
Amethyst: Hey!
Hawthorn Hipster!
Knock it off!
Aeon: By the authority given to us by S.H.H.
we order you to cease and desist.
Aeon: You are being a MAJOR source of pollution right now.
H: Really?
How is this any worse than the noise pollution caused by
Tailyn Rift and her poppy, mainstream sound?
H: You should be thanking me.
Amethyst: Well, actually, we're more concerned with all
the particulate matter you're releasing into the air.
Amethyst: Those albums are covered in plastic, and
all the chemicals in them and the wood are thrown into
the air through that smoke.
H: So?
I'm sending Tailyn Rift's terrible music into the sky
where it can't hurt anyone anymore.
Aeon: See, that's where you're wrong, Hipster.
Aeon: All those chemicals going into the air could make
people way more ill than country/pop fusion music.
Aeon: Depending on the kind of particulate matter and
the level of exposure, people who breathe in this
smoke could have exaggerated respiratory symptoms, like
coughing or difficult breathing,
Aeon: aggravated asthma, decreased lung functions,
irregular heartbeat, nonfatal heart attacks, or
premature death if that person has heart or lung disease.
H: Clearly, you've never heard these songs...
Amethyst: And this fire is particularly bad
because of the plastic.
Amethyst: Some particles are called primary particles.
This matter is directly released from the source.
Amethyst: This could include dust or ash that's
coming from this fire.
Aeon: What we're more concerned with right now are
the secondary particles from your fire.
Aeon: Those chemicals in the plastic are forming
secondary particles.
Aeon: These are particles that form from chemical
reactions in the atmosphere.
Aeon: Secondary particles are the majority of
particulate matter in the US and are commonly
released by power plants and automobiles, and
YOU, Hawthorn Hipster.
H: You still don't get it, do you?!
H: I am burdened with a glorious purpose!
I am freeing us from corporate trends!
Amethyst: Eh-she's not getting it.
Aeon: Nope, we're going to need one of those
blank backgrounds for educational things to happen on.
Amethyst: Oh, goody!
I love those!
Yep, fly it in.
H: This place reminds me of my soul.
Amethyst: Wait-are you hipster or emo?
You've got to keep your writing consistent.
Aeon: Ok you two, look.
This is a human hair.
Aeon: To us, they seem very thin, but by
particulate matter scale, it's pretty big.
Aeon: One human hair is about 50-70 micrometers in diameter.
Aeon: Here's a little piece of particulate matter.
This could represent dust or pollen.
Aeon: It's about 10 micrometers in diameter.
That's pretty tiny.
H: Dusty Pollen?
They sold out after their first album.
Aeon: You're going to have a very rich career as a barista.
Amethyst: So if that particle is only about
10 micrometers in diameter, that means we could stretch
five of them across one human hair.
Aeon: Exactly, now check this particle out.
H: Yeah, I can't see that at all.
Aeon: It is pretty hard to see.
Aeon: This kind of particulate matter represents metals,
organic compounds, or particles formed from combustion.
Aeon: Like the chemicals coming out of your burning plastic.
Amethyst: So how many micrometers is that one?
Aeon: This is only 2.5 micrometers in diameter.
Aeon: That's so small that four of them could fit across
the diameter of one of our 10 micrometer particles.
H: Well, if these particles are so tiny,
why would they cause health problems?
H: Shouldn't they just slip right through our bodies?
Aeon: You might think that, but the particles ranging from
2.5 to 10 micrometers are the most dangerous
types of particle pollution.
Aeon: In fact, particles that are 2.5 to 10 micrometers in
diameter are what particulate pollution is defined as.
Amethyst: I would guess that's because the 10 micrometer
particles-like pollen-are small enough to get in
your lungs and aggravate allergies.
Aeon: Yep, and the smallest particles are
the most dangerous, because they're small enough to
get into your blood vessels.
Aeon: That's when some major concerns can happen.
H: Hey, why's it foggy in here?
H: Fog is SO mainstream!
Amethyst: [Sighs] So-particulate pollution is not just a health
concern; it also contributes to reduced visibility and haze.
H: What's that thing?
Aeon: That's a carbon monoxide molecule.
Aeon: It's an incredibly tiny little molecule that
can cause big problems.
Amethyst: When you burn plastics, fossil fuels, wood,
run a car, or smoke tobacco, you produce carbon monoxide.
H: Well it sounds like it's already everywhere, sell out!
Aeon: It is!
Carbon monoxide is most commonly found in car exhausts,
but it can also be found in homes with gas furnaces,
chimneys, or malfunctioning appliances.
Amethyst: The bigger problem is what
carbon monoxide does in your body.
Amethyst: Since carbon monoxide is so small,
it can get in your blood.
Amethyst: Carbon monoxide happens to attach well
to your red blood cells.
Amethyst: This converts that chemical that carries
oxygen in your blood, hemoglobin, and converts it into
a chemical called carboxyhemoglobin.
H: I was listening to hemoglobin back when
it was just globin.
Amethyst: You-you-HAVE to be making this stuff up, right?
Aero: Without hemoglobin to carry oxygen to your body,
you may experience headaches, dizziness,
fatigue, chest pain, difficulty breathing,
memory loss, or flu-like symptoms in the short term.
Aero: However, if you are exposed to too much of it,
you could develop heart disease, damage your
nervous system, go into a coma, or even die!
H: ...Ok, I have to admit, that's kind of scary.
H: I'll make sure my fire doesn't release
any carbon monoxide.
Amethyst: That's the thing, since carbon monoxide is
colorless and odorless-you won't
even notice it's around.
H: [alarmed] W-What?!
B-b-but how can I avoid it?!
Amethyst: Well, to start-[car engine sound]-make sure to
never leave your car running in your garage with the door shut.
Amethyst: The carbon monoxide could build up.
Aero: Also, make sure to get your exhaust system regularly
checked to prevent carbon monoxide leaks.
Mechanic: Hey, so your suspension looks to have
leaked brake fluid all over the internal drive shaft
which has just completely corroded the flux capacitor.
Mechanic: That's going to run you about $35,000.
Amethyst: Well, that sounds like an honest assessment.
Is this enough?!
Aero: Securing your house is important too.
Aero: Never use portable flameless heaters in the
house or burn anything in an area that isn't vented.
Aero: You can also install a carbon monoxide detector in
your house to warn you of unsafe levels.
Aero: Remember, it's just like a smoke alarm and needs to
have its batteries replaced regularly.
Amethyst: You could also make sure your fireplace is
well-vented and clean.
Chimney sweep: Evening guv'nah.
Chimney sweep: You haven't seen a practically perfect lady
come through here, have you?
Amethyst: Not without violating a copyright!
CS: Cheers!
[music plays]
Aero: It' not just carbon monoxide, either.
Aero: Burnings can also release nitrogen oxides.
Aero: These chemicals can come in contact with rain and
become acid rain.
Aero: Acid rain can change the chemistry of our
environment and affect our health.
Amethyst: Or you could be releasing sulfur dioxide.
Amethyst: It smells AWFUL, and it makes you
feel like you're suffocating.
Amethyst: Not only is it gross, it can burn your
skin and eyes or cause respiratory irritation.
Aero: And who knows what other effects
the chemicals you're releasing could have?!
Cop: All right!
Time to put this fire out!
-[sniff sniff]-
woah-what's in the air here-I suddenly feel like-
Cop: [starts singing] -Oh-I'm fifteen!
-and it's really hard-and dad's on a tractor-and
the boy doesn't like me-
Cop: -why won't he go to the dance with me!?
-I'm fifteen!
-uh-fifteen's-uh-tough!
Hipster: Aaah! OK!
I'll put it out!
Amethyst: I'm glad we could solve this situation
without tempers [brief pause]-flaring-
Aero: [unimpressed sigh] I don't get paid enough for this.
Amethyst: Hey! Come on!
We need to work on our-witty agent banter!
Amethyst: Oh gosh-hey, we need to make a quick stop before
we get back to headquarters.
Aero: I keep telling you-that's not a farmer's
market-it's a pet store.
Amethyst: No, no no-n-not that-I forgot my ID.
We have to go to my apartment.
Aero: Y-Y-Y-YOUR apartment-as in
[with outrage] Y-O-U-R-YOUR-apartment?
Amethyst: R-Relax!
It'll be fine.
Aero: Look-I just remember the holiday
party a few years back!
Amethyst: I took care of the badger.
You'll see, it's no problem!
Aeon: Well-this place is a reality show
waiting to happen...
Amethyst: Hey-I don't judge you for that perm.
1993 called, it wants its hairstyle back!
[cutesy voice] Hello, Sprinkles.
[cutesy voice] Hello, Mr. Giggles.
[cutesy voice] Hello, Cuddie-fluffle-wuffle.
[cutesy voice] Hello, Dr. Cutesyhugs, holder of
PhD in cuddles.
[cutesy voice] Hello, Stripes the Tiger.
Aeon: Ok, Stripes is definitely a raccoon.
Amethyst: Nah-you're a raccoon.
Aeon: Just hurry up and find your ID.
Amethyst: Don't worry, it's right here underneath
my dinner-from Tuesday.
Aeon: -It's-FRIDAY!!!
Amethyst: Oh, and-YOU'VE-never had leftovers?!
Aeon: We SERIOUSLY have to deal with the particulate matter
in here-this place is an absolute biohazard!
Amethyst: What do you mean?
I'm not burning anything in here.
How is there particulate matter?
Aeon: Not all particulate matter is chemical.
Aeon: A huge amount of particulate matter comes from
a biological, or living, origin.
Amethyst: Oh, sure, like pollen?
I know all about that!
Aeon: [surprised] You do?
Amethyst: Yea, my allergies are crazy bad.
Pollen is the male reproductive cell in a plant.
Amethyst: Many trees release billions of pollen grains to
fertilize other trees and form seeds.
Amethyst: Pollen can be carried by insects or other
pollinating animals between plants.
Amethyst: This pollen is usually used by flowering plants, and
doesn't create a lot of problems for humans.
Amethyst: Other plants use the wind to carry pollen,
THOSE plants are the problem.
Amethyst: This pollen can aggravate symptoms of
hay fever or asthma.
Amethyst: This impacts about 25% of the population in the U.S.
Amethyst: [sniffles]-Uh oh...ah ah ahhhhhhchoo!
Aeon: Let me help out here.
Aeon: Pollen counts in the air are highest in the early
morning hours between 5 and 10 AM.
Aeon: Dry, windy, hot days are ideal times for pollen to be
released, so watch out if you know this impacts you.
Amethyst: [sniffling] Look you see?
That's why I don't have ANY plants in here.
Aeon: Ok, but you still have some MAJOR
particulate matter sources.
Aeon: Haven't you noticed all those green and white
fuzzy patches all over your apartment?
Amethyst: Oh, you mean the snuggle patches on my walls?
Aeon: [with outrage] Those AREN'T snuggle patches!
They're MOLD!
FUNGUS!
BAD!
Amethyst: Aw come on...
How can fungus hurt anybody?
The word "fun" is right in it!
Aeon: [with disbelief] Oh gosh-ok!
Similar to plants-fungi have
reproductive cells called spores.
Aeon: Like pollen, fungal spores can be carried by
the wind and insects or even in water.
Aeon: In fact, fungal spores are more common in
the atmosphere than pollen.
Amethyst: But can spores cause the same problems as pollen?
Aeon: They sure can.
Spores can cause allergen side-effects like
sneezing, runny nose, mucous production,
Aeon: cough, congestion, earache, headache, wheezing,
asthma, or other illnesses like asthma.
Amethyst: Oh great...
Aeon: I'm not done yet.
Aeon: The worst bit is that fungi release chemicals called
mycotoxins when they break down their food.
Aeon: These mycotoxins can also get on spores
before they enter your body.
Aeon: In your body, mycotoxins can cause infections.
Some of these mycotoxins can cause cancer,
asthma-like illnesses, and some are even fatal.
Amethyst: Ah!
Ok, get rid of the mold, get rid of the mold!
Aeon: I'm not done yet.
We still need to talk about THOSE!
Amethyst: AUGH!
Not my preciouses!
Aeon: Not just the cats.
Aeon: It's also the nasty dust all over this place.
Your dirty clothes,
Aeon: these sheets you probably haven't changed
since YOLO was a thing.
Amethyst: What about them?
Aeon: They're all encouraging dust mites.
Amethyst: Dust-mites-?
Aeon: Here-look!
Dust mites!
Aeon: These little guys are microscopic arachnids,
the relatives of spiders and ticks.
Aeon: They feed on the flakes of skin that
people and animals shed ALL-THE-TIME!
Amethyst: Gross-get a life, guys!
Aeon: Well-we do need them-otherwise that stuff
would just sit around and we'd be wading in dead skin-
Aeon: but we don't need to provide them with an
International House of Detritus-like you have.
Aeon: The remains dust mites leave behind are
the main cause of dust allergies in people,
Aeon: And they're found EVERYWHERE.
Aeon: Mattresses, pillows, bed linens, carpets,
draperies, upholstered furniture, even stuffed toys.
Amethyst: Ok, fungal spores and dust mites.
Amethyst: This place is literally filled with
particulate matter.
How can I fix it?
Aeon: Well-for the mites we need to WASH-YOUR-STUFF!
Aeon: You should be washing your sheets weekly in water above
130 degrees (F°) to take care of the mites.
Aeon: Also, make sure that all of this dust is cleaned-vacuum
regularly to keep the dust and cat hair from collecting.
Aeon: For the spores, make sure you have all the areas of
your apartment well ventilated to prevent moisture.
Aeon: I would also suggest that you maybe start wrapping
your food and-like use the FRIDGE-instead of the floor-!
Aeon: However, we already have mold growing on the walls.
Aeon: We need to clean up this stuff with BLEACH-like
5 or 6 of these!
Aeon: Much better.
[Action music playing] Amethyst: We better get back
to headquarters quick.
The Commander's going to be steamed.
Amethyst: Hey, Steve.
Aeon: Wait-Amethyst!
-This isn't!
-Hey!
-Wait!
Amethyst: [laughing]-So then, we got her to
stop burning the records
Amethyst: because this guy was singing songs about how
being a 15 year-old-girl was so hard!
Aeon: Hey-Amethyst-don't you notice something weird
going on here-[startled]-AAH!!
Aeon: What's with the commander?!
Amethyst: [whispering] Look-he's sensitive about that
new hairpiece-be nice!
Aeon: That's-NOT-a wig!
Amethyst: Ok, now you're just trying to oversell it.
Aeon: No-look!
-It's-uh-It's a MUSHROOM!
Amethyst: [gasp!] You're right!
-[with surprise]- Oh my gosh!
Amethyst: This green haze must be spores!
They're everywhere!
Aeon: Ok-what are we going to do?
Amethyst: Looks like the spores are
coming out of the vents.
Amethyst: I'll go look for the source, you take care of
the commander's office.
[Suspense-Action music] Aeon: Deal.
Aeon: Woah-these must be military grade.
Amethyst: [suspense-action music]-[grunting] Almost there.
[Gasping for air]- Must-keep-going.
[action music] Aeon: Let' do this.
Fun Guy: Ignore me will he?
-Scoff at my ideas?
Fun Guy: [Giggling] Well, frankly, Commander Cadmium,
I find you to be a-[brief pause]-
SPORE-[evil laughter]-muah hahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Amethyst: How do I get out of this vent?
-whoa-whoa-whoaaah! - heh-hah! -Smooth...
Amethyst: The gig's up Fun Guy Fern...OHH!
-Ohh-FUN-GUY-FERN-ohh-like fungi!
Amethyst: Oh my gosh, that makes so much sense now.
F: It's too late Amethyst, I've already taken over!
[secret agent music]
Aero: You were saying?
Cadmium: For protecting the Super Hidden Humans from
the dangers of particulate matter-both chemical AND
organic-I promote you two to level 8 agents.
Cadmium: [whispers] Now you get to know-Phil's still alive.
Hairy Agent: Graaaaaar!
[Action music playing]