Do we have any educators
here tonight?
Any educators?
(audience cheering)
Y'all make some noise
for my teacher, y'all.
(audience cheering)
Yeah.
Not an easy job.
I hope y'all make good money
here teaching.
I don't know if y'all do or not.
But I got a chance to teach
for a couple of years in Tennessee.
And I was good and broke.
Yeah.
Because it was messed up, you know.
Because I worked hard
that first semester.
(audience laughing)
Yeah.
Then I saw that paycheck.
I was like, let me scale it back.
(audience laughing)
They don't value this.
It's messed up, man.
Worked hard that first semester,
man.
Then we went on Christmas break.
I came back after Christmas break.
I looked up.
I was so broke, I ate up
all them free lunch.
(audience laughing)
I was in line with the kids.
I was like, this is not cool.
(audience laughing)
All right, let me borrow $0.35 so I
can get an ice cream sandwich man.
Come on, man!
(audience laughing)
I just want some hot brownies
or something.
(audience laughing)
Couldn't afford any.
And it was tough, man.
I had to get out of education.
And not because of pay--
I had to get out just
for the simple fact
that it was starting to make me
racist against my own people.
(audience laughing)
Yeah.
And I see y'all looking at me like,
brother, who are your people?
(audience laughing)
I saw y'all when I came up here.
Y'all like, that mother looks like
all of them.
(audience laughing)
I'm not going to guess
his nationality.
I'm not going to--
(audience laughing)
It's OK though, y'all.
It's OK.
I'm just a light-skinned Black guy.
(audience laughing)
I'm like "Crouching Tiger,
"Hidden Negro."
(audience laughing)
Keep you on your toes.
(audience laughing)
And it made it tough looking
like this working
around young people
because young people
today-- if you got kids
or you've spent time
around young people,
you know-- kids today will say
anything.
Yeah.
Doesn't matter-- if it comes
in their brain, they're going to say it.
Yeah.
Doesn't matter.
One day I was teaching.
I walked into another teacher's
class to talk to the teacher.
And then a student stands up
in the middle of the class
and yells out, "Hey, excuse me man!
"Anybody ever told you that you look
"like Abraham Lincoln and the rapper
"Drake had a baby?"
(audience laughing)
(audience cheering)
He's like, "hey, hey, pass me that
"$5 bill, baby.
"That's him."
(audience laughing)
He's like, "you look
"like Drake-braham Lincoln, man."
I don't know.
I'm like, let me get back
to my class.
(audience laughing)
They'll say anything man.
I tell you, it was great.
And then like, after that, before I
did that, like, I got to work
as a substitute teacher, you know.
Yeah.
When you work as a sub, like, yeah,
you already know.
Yeah.
You hear?
She said, oh no.
Because, like a regular teacher,
you can call mom and dad.
You can get people in trouble.
Substitute doesn't have anybody's
phone number.
They can't call home.
They can't get a kid straight.
You know?
And I'm going to tell you
because like, when you're subbing,
you don't know how your day is going
to go.
You know?
Some days you have a good day.
Some days the kids come in.
They sit down.
They're quiet.
Somebody learns something.
It's a miracle.
(audience laughing)
But other days you just lose control
of the plans.
Nothing you can really do.
Sometimes the kids get to running
around the classroom.
They get to throwing paper balls,
stabbing each other in the neck
with pencils.
(audience laughing)
Nothing you can do.
You don't know them.
They really don't know you.
(audience laughing)
But I'm here to tell y'all tonight,
there is nothing worse in the world
to make you feel like less of a man
than when the little old woman
teacher from across the hall has
to come get your class straight
for you because your class got
so loud the whole school is like,
what is going on down there?
Yeah.
Then they send that veteran teacher
down there.
They send Ms. Jenkins on down there
in your classroom.
Yeah.
They yell out, "send Ms. Jenkins down
"to room 103."
(audience laughing)
She comes in there.
She'll kick your door
in like Batman.
(audience laughing)
She runs down the hallway, boom!
"What is going on in here?
"Uh-uh.
"Everybody sit down and shut up.
"Cut the lights off.
"Everybody put your head
"on the desk.
"Now you all know you don't act
"like this when the
"real teacher's here."
(audience laughing)
I'm like, you just gonna say that
with me standing right here?
(audience laughing)
I'm like,
I'm trying to be a real teacher.
(audience laughing)
And this lady-- she didn't care.
She just kept talking.
She was like, "All right, now listen up.
"All right?
"Now this fellow right here?
"He's a grown man.
(audience laughing)
"Yes he is.
(audience laughing)
"He is 6 foot 2.
"All right.
"I'm looking at him.
"All right?
"So you all need to treat him
"with some respect and not
"the ignorant fool you all are making
"him out to be!"
(audience laughing)
I'm like, can you not call
me an ignorant fool in front
of the class, ma'am?
She turned around, and she said,
"Drake-braham, was I talking
"to you?"
(audience laughing)