(giggling)
[Sighs]
- Okay.
[Pri] Okay. When you think about the first time we met,
what do you remember feeling?
- Oh, I was so nervous.
So nervous. Cause you know, Steven has talked so much
about you and entering a relationship
and having more relationship or, you know, knowing him
for a week long before meeting you, it was really nervous,
especially cause you knew my older siblings
and you knew the crowd of people that I grew up with
and I don't know, it was just really nervous.
- Yeah. I felt modifies.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. That's a good one.
[Pam] How do you describe our relationship to others?
- The best relationship you can have.
- Yeah.
- Someone asks how it is. I say I get the best
of both worlds
in one tied up relationship.
- Yeah.
- So I feel like it's like double the love,
double the affection, double everything.
So I think it's, I don't know.
It's amazing.
- Well, that's good.
- When do you feel people judge us
and why do you think they do?
- I feel like people judge us because we're females
in a poly relationship.
I feel like they think we're just trying to play Steven
without taking our feelings into consideration.
And that kind of sucks. Cause it's like us
both being bisexual or pansexual or whatever.
It's like, it hurts my feelings
because it's like, all right, how do you know
that this isn't what I want?
Why are you taking the man's word?
It's like, we're both female, like he talks to us
and ask us what we want to, you know, it's not
like this is anything we stepped into
without knowing what we were doing.
- Yeah.
- So that kinda sucks.
Cause it's like so many people judge us for that
and it doesn't make me uncomfortable cause I don't care.
But at the same time it's like,
Hey, like open your minds up a little,
You know.
- Yeah. I think the one problem we always face it's,
it's always about sex.
- Yeah.
- Which it's not at all.
Um, so I think that's when they judge us the more the most.
- Yeah.
- It's like, they think we're like sick people
or you'd be surprised what's up.
How has your life changed? Since we first met?
- Well then
[Both Giggling]
my life has changed a lot.
Um, before we met, I think we
like meeting you.
It was like being able to officially say like,
no, I totally like girls.
- Yeah.
- And um,
having meeting you ,
it was the first time I went public
and it was the first time I had people judge me.
And the first time people like got in my business
and my relationship and had to say something negative.
So like it was the first, it was a big growing up process
for me of being like, fuck you guys.
I don't care what you have to say.
- Yeah
- So, um, that was different.
Like I really had this like, okay,
I'm gonna please myself mentality once I met you
and we became public and stuff.
- Yeah. It was hard at first.
- Yeah.
- Like I was hesitant because I don't want
to overstep your boundaries.
- Yeah. I know it was hard.
I think more because of like my background
and like growing up
and being from a such religious background,
that's why it made it harder.
But I think the one thing that you changed was
that like I stopped caring so much what people have to say.
- Yeah.
The moment I felt like I could trust you was when you
finally said like, fuck my friends.
I don't care what they have to say.
Like it used to make me really nervous
that like they made such a big impact in your life
and they didn't agree with our relationship. Cause I felt
like they would kind of talk you out of it.
So it kind of made me hesitant to like be open to you
because I was like, Oh my God, I don't know
if this what she really wants.
Like does she really loved me.
Like, is she gay?
Like, I don't know.
So like the moment you were finally,
like I don't care about their opinion. I still love them,
but it's like,
I'm not gonna let them affect our relationship.
Finally made me like comfortable enough to feel secure
in the relationship.
- I guess yeah absolutely.
- Yeah.
- I was concerned before that anymore.
- I was too.
- What do I do that turns you on that I am not aware of?
- Mm, I think,
I mean, this isn't really like more
of a sexual thing,
but like when you start like rubbing my back,
if we're like laying down and you come to cuddle me.
- Yeah.
- Cause then eventually those lead to sexual things.
- Yes.
- But it's like, that just makes me feel, I don't know,
like I'm not an affectionate person, but it's like
that little thing of affection.
It would just like touching me.
It makes me feel good.
- Oh, good to know.
Good to know
It's so you're so like not emote,
like you don't show your emotions so often.
So it's like, and you're not affectionate.
So I'm like, let me just come over here.
- Yeah. I know.
What do you think is the hardest thing for me about being
in a polyamorous relationship?
- Um, I think the hardest thing for you is juggling both me
and Steven at the same time,
because we are both very, like, you are very quiet
and you tend to like, even then we argue, you want to talk
about things like after versus me and him,
it's like, Nope, let's get this over right now.
Like we want to talk about it right now.
Like what happened and was just like, Nope, leave me alone.
I don't want to see you guys.
- Yeah let me breath first.
- I think so. I think that's the hardest part for you is
like, even when you came in,
it's like getting to know both emotions,
but like the dynamic of our relationship.
- Yeah. Cause like you and Steven are different people.
So it's like Steven communicates with tough love
and it's like, you can make you communicate and like softer.
Like you actually try to like sit there and understand.
Steven just tries to like, tell me, it's like,
no, this is how it is. Let me talk.
- Yeah.
- So it's like, that's definitely a little tougher for me.
- I think so.
What is our greatest misunderstanding
and what can we do to overcome it?
- I don't know. Cause we communicate a lot.
So it's like, that was mostly in the beginning
of the relationship where it's like, we were hesitant
to be more affectionate with each other.
Cause we didn't know what each other wanted.
So we had a big misunderstanding bear
cause we didn't know each other's love language yet.
- True.
- Yeah. So I think that's what kind
of postpone is getting even closer
in the beginning of the relationship,
- Mm
- You know, but us spending more time together
and taking vacations together
and like just kind of getting away from everything
and having to communicate, being in a room, help us a lot.
- I think so.
- Yeah.
- I think because in the beginning, like I was still
like being able to accept
that I was, I was finally being able to
like, okay, I can do this. You know, it's okay.
Because I judged kind of myself.
I think that's where like I kind of put up a wall,
but after we spoke and we kept talking and going on dates
and after we took our vacation, then that all went away.
- Yeah. I think that definitely helped
because I was so nervous.
Cause it's like,
Steven told me like the girls that you guys been with
and I'm like, okay, like that makes me a little nervous.
Cause it's like, I don't know these girls.
So I don't know what you guys like,
- But that's it any relationship
It's like a discovery.
- Yeah.
- So.
- That's just something over time that gets better.
How would our relationship be different if it was just us?
- Oh,
We would have less crazy.
- Yeah.
- Sex
It would be more vanilla I think.
- No, not that bad.
- I think so. I mean, we would still do like, I think we
would still vacation because I love that so much.
- Yeah.
- Um,
I think,
I don't know if Steven brings out
like the crazy in both of us.
- Yeah.
- All the crazy like adventurous, fun side.
I think that's why we complete each other so much.
- Yeah.
- Cause we're both like mellow.
- Yeah.
- So.
- Like I'm too scared to do crazy things.
Like I get nervous.
- I think so.
- I don't think it'll be,
it'll just be a little tougher.
Cause it's like, man, you think
a lot differently than he does.
So it's like me and you would be taking
like a lot more different steps.
- Yeah.
- We'd probably watching a lot more movies than going out.
- Yeah.
When is the last time you considered ending
this relationship and why didn't you?
- The last time I officially thought
of ending it was
that night at the bar was just
because you and Steven..
- Your car broke.
- Yeah.
- You and Steven like are a little overwhelming.
Like not, it's not a bad way. Like you guys push me.
So that's a good thing. It's just that I was always used
to doing things like my controlling side.
It's like, I need to do the things the way I want,
how I want when I want to do it.
So it was hard to have like, not only another person,
but like an like, or another person in my life.
But two people like at once, like talking to me,
it was a little hard.
So at first, like around that time I thought I was like,
I don't know if this is like, what I really want.
I was like, this is tougher than I thought, you know.
Cause it's just so much more emotions.
- Yeah.
- And having to be so vulnerable.
But I decided not to because I was like, you know what?
Like, I never had this amount of love like in my life
and people that actually cared about me.
So I'm like, Oh my God, am I throwing this all the way?
Am I stupid?
Like, am I just over thinking the situation more?
Just because I can't communicate properly
with them, you know.
- Oh, you love us.
- I know I don't show it sometimes.
But if this were to be our last conversation,
what is something you never want me to forget?
- Um, it can't be too.
I have to say it it's like it can't
be only one thing.
- Yeah
- I'd say all of our adventures.
Um, and how much, like we grew through them.
Like with every conversation we had,
we always grew, um, everywhere we went like all the food,
like just every adventure that we took together.
- Yeah.
- I kind of think would be something I'd never want you
to forget.
- I feel like it'd definitely be hard for me to forget it.
- Yeah.
- Especially cause like we're already like a year
into the relationship
- Yeah.
- And it's like,
even though I dated a guy for five years, it was like
that wasn't serious adult relationship, you know.
Like this is my first serious one.
And now it's like with a man and a woman it's like that.
That's already going to be tough.
- I think, I think I'd want you
to remember all the adventures
because that's where we had the most fun.
- Yeah.
- And the roast and everything like
that versus like why, wny remember anything negative.
- Yeah.
- Right?
- I know. That's true.
- What made you love me?
- I think it's just really the kind of person that you are.
Like you push yourself so much.
Not only like to do something like to do something,
to get something done, but to get like your point across it,
like it made me kind of look up to you a little more.
Cause it's kinda just like, like we were saying
in the car earlier, like I can say I'm gonna do something,
but I'll postpone it.
And like in the beginning of the relationship,
you would always say something
like, wow, she's actually doing it
on the time she said she was, I'm like, that's great.
Like it made me see you like such a powerful woman.
You know, and it sucks. Cause so many people say
that like you're always behind Steven
and you're always following Steven,
but it's like, they don't notice the things that you do.
They don't notice the things, how you help him
for him to do those things.
You know, so I think that's what made me realize that.
Who am I in your life?
- My confidant.
- Definitely.
- Um, I don't know. He became like my best friend.
I'm a care giver. Like I always take care of you guys,
but I felt like so loved when you did the same for me.
And like when we were in Paris and I was in the hospital
and he tried to do everything to like take care of me
or when I'm sick and you, you made me soup
and stuff like that.
So I mean, you're like the one person I can trust
with everything.
- Yeah.
- Um, I feel so safe with you.
- Oh, that's good.
- Yeah.
- Cause I'm so little.
- My hardest day, I feel like I could protect you
if something happened on my heart and like my mind,
it's good to talk sometimes.
Like even when I have a really long day, like, I'll call you
on my way home.
- Yeah.
- And it's just like, she's there.
- Yeah. Even though I don't like phone calls,
it's like, I know..
- But know you doing it for me,
so it makes it like awesome.
- Yeah.
- Cause texting would never work.
- Yeah.
- So I think I love that.
Like we could talk about anything
and even though you hate the phone,
like you'll just stay there with me
until I get to my destination.
So yeah.
- That's good.
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