Kyrsty: Hi I'm Kyrsty. Demi: Hi I'm Demi.
Kyrsty: And today we're going to be talking about secret LGBTQ+ relationships.
Kyrsty: So what were your experiences of dating before you officially come out?
Demi: For years, I was just messaging girls here and there
one girl messaged me and then we met up and that was it, just fell bang in love with her.
She also wasn't out either, so for both of us it was like we was both
in the same boat and we was in this like little bubble and we could talk to each
other about it a lot, which made things a lot easier but
we was both so upset and we wanted to just do things that normal other couples
would do, even like small things like putting pictures on social media, you just couldn't be yourself.
Kyrsty: So why did you decide not to tell anyone about your relationship?
Demi: I was just really scared that people weren't gonna accept me for
me, and people didn't want to be my friend anymore, we're gonna think that I
fancied them when I obviously didn't, like I had all these things coming in my head
that it never even happened when I came out like it was just myself
overthinking about 100 things. I now know that it's okay for you to come out
when you do feel ready because you need to accept yourself before others can accept you.
Kyrsty: So what are you downsides of not opening up about a relationship?
Demi: You can't get the opinion on the person that you're dating from a friend or family member,
can't get advice if you're struggling with your relationship,
and thirdly you can't be open, you can't be who you really are
and go to fun places openly with the person that you're dating
because you're so scared about everyone finding out that you're not actually
living in a relationship how you want to be living.
Kyrsty: So how can we know if someone is right for us in a relationship
Demi: There's a few questions that you can ask yourself.
Do I trust them? Can I be myself around them? Am I comfortable with them?
Kyrsty: And I guess if it's a secret relationship you have to almost protect yourself
because if no one else knows you just have to make sure that you're confident in a relationship.
Demi: You have to be really strong minded and you have to honest with yourself and open, at least to yourself
Kyrsty: So what are some signs to look out for that the relationship might not be right for you?
Demi: If they're controlling, people can try and control you from either
choosing to out you, threatening to out you or saying that they're going to use
images that you've sent them or messages that you've sent them.
if they're making you feel ashamed of your sexuality instead of making you feel proud of who
you are and I always think that you should tell someone who you trust
where you're going, like location wise and what time you're going even if you
don't tell them who you're meeting.
Kyrsty: So it's never okay for someone to use your sexuality against you
what could you do if this was happening to you?
Demi: You can either call the police, you could talk about it to Childline in British Sign Language through Sign Video
and maybe even introducing that person as a friend to your family or even your friends
that still means that they know who that person is and you don't have to
reveal that you're dating that person because that's what I done when I was in
my secret relationship and then I could be like "oh I'm going such-and-such" with
the person that I was dating and then that would make them feel comfortable
because they'd know where I'm going and that would put me at ease as well.
Kyrsty: You've spoken about being in a secret relationship and how it felt like you were in a kind of
bubble and it's really lots of pressure how did it feel when finally did speak out and tell people?
Demi: I'd been thinking about it for about three years i'd say, so when I came out it was like a release of
energy, like the weight had been lifted off my shoulders, luckily enough for me it
was a good like coming out and a good reaction, it's just made my life a whole
lot easier I can just be who I want to be now and I don't have to be scared.
Kyrsty: So what is important to remember?
Demi: Try not to overthink the whole coming-out situation
because if you're not ready, there's no rush like there's always gonna be your
whole life to come out and you will one day have that courage to come out even
though you think that you won't, one day you will have that coverage.
Kyrsty: Thank you for coming in today it's been a pleasure and thank you for sharing your experiences.
Demi: Thank you for having me I've actually really enjoyed talking to you about it so thank you.
Kyrsty: Until next time, bye! Demi: See you later!
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