Transcriber: Irfan Shaji Alamana Reviewer: Annet Johnson
Do you want to live a boring life ...
or an interesting life?
Hands up, everyone.
Boring life?
That’s just humor, sir.
Or interesting life?
See, that’s what I thought.
(Laughs)
But can you tell me exactly what boring is or means?
That’s rather difficult, right?
It’s subjective too.
Let me take you back to an adult’s birthday party
that I attended with a friend of mine about two years ago.
We were asked to do the catering there,
otherwise, I’d rather spend my evening doing something interesting.
I’m only kidding.
It was okay, I survived.
Now, as we were walking around there providing the drinks,
we couldn’t help overhearing the chats that the visitors were having.
They were all sitting in a circle, sipping their coffee,
discussing boring adult subjects
like stocks, grandchildren, and retirement.
Yuck.
And I was in the kitchen when my friend came up to me and he said,
“Julia, I hope I will never become that boring.
Have you heard them talking?”
And so this question was introduced to me and I started thinking about it.
Before I really head off into my story, however,
I want to clear up a misconception that many people had
when I talked to them about this TED Talk.
I am not saying that adults or old people are boring.
(Laughter)
It is not about age, it is about mindset.
These people that I’m all about,
they appear to lack a certain positive energy.
They made little connection with others
and seemed to have become small-minded through a lack of social contact.
And this opened my eyes
because these people were supposed to be my example.
Growing up it is always like, you should take adults as your great example
and become like them.
But if boring is what I thought of them,
I did not and still do not want to take them as an example.
So I decided I wanted to use this TED Talk as an opportunity to really dig in
and find out what it is that makes people boring, in my opinion.
And believe me when I say that it’s been really hard to put a finger on it.
But, at some point, someone said,
“Why don’t you switch it around
and ask yourself the question
what makes people interesting?”
And that’s what I did
and I thought of someone I know that no one could consider boring,
even if we all have a different opinion on that matter.
This person is always happy.
They’re open.
They stop by to ask how you’re doing.
They show and share interests.
They have a positive mindset, and most of all,
they allow themselves to become vulnerable to others.
And this is interesting
because vulnerability doesn’t have a positive association with it.
And in today’s society people misuse that vulnerability to drag you down.
Logically we’re all afraid of the risks, so we shut ourselves off for protection.
But let me tell you something,
even if I’m just 20 years old and possibly still a bit naive,
opening up to people,
even if you don’t like to admit it,
means that you sound vulnerable in some way.
But that’s positive, because when you’re open to others and they are too,
you share a connection.
Professor Brené Brown did years of research,
wrote books, even did a TED talk about this.
She figured this out: vulnerability connects people,
and I am totally behind that statement.
So heading back to the main question.
When I asked people,
“What do you think it is that makes people boring?”
About half of the answers came down to people not sharing interests
or engaging with others.
The other half basically pointed out the lifestyle of:
“I’m alive, but I’m just surviving everyday” kind of zombie instinct.
So to narrow it down further,
the answers came down to two things:
sharing and engaging with people
and living your life.
These two subjects basically sum up all the thoughts that I’ve heard
and the two ideas for boring that I wanted to bring together
during the making of this speech:
how to become interesting for others
and how to make your life interesting for yourself.
You shouldn’t care about how others judge you,
but just for now, I want you to let that be besides the point,
because we all judge.
I judged the visitors at the party as well.
Now, my guide to be or become interesting as a person for others,
it can be considered rather simple:
open up by talking to people, ask them how they’re doing,
hand out compliments,
connect by sharing your stories and experiences, start a discussion.
And maybe you might feel like your stories aren’t worth their time,
in which case I suggest that you ask yourself the question,
“Am I living a life that I want to live?”
I'll give you a personal example.
This summer, I went to Switzerland with a friend.
We did a road trip.
My very first road trip ever, and I was really excited about it.
But before we went, I felt a little scared
because I had never driven this far.
We're in a different country and anything could happen.
We could have gotten lost.
We could have had a car crash, which we thankfully didn't.
But then we were off and that was the most awesome adventure.
So despite feeling afraid,
I stepped out of my comfort zone and explored new things.
So there you have it, fear is a taught behavior.
As you grow up, you learn to think of the risks and consequences before you act.
Well, kids don’t do this and kids have adventures every day.
It has been proven that childish things can boost happiness.
Recently, this playground for adults was opened in Breda,
which is a city in the south of the Netherlands,
and it was received really well.
Many physicists said, “It felt amazing to feel like a kid again.”
So why shouldn’t we make our world a playground and become kids again,
even if it's just for a little moment?
Personally, I like to go outside, run around, climb in trees,
because those are the things that I used to do when I was a kid.
Switzerland was my new playground
and it's nothing compared to sailing the Atlantic Ocean.
But still, for me, it meant that I had to cross my borders,
step out of that comfort zone.
And because of that, I was able to explore and fulfill all of my dreams.
Sometimes dreams may seem out of reach or too risky to really go for,
but to cross that border and to achieve what you always wanted to achieve
is what makes you happy.
Did you have dreams when you were a kid?
Did you fulfill them?
No?
Then go out and chase them.
Learn a new skill, set new goals,
do something that you’ve never done before like sailing the Atlantic Ocean,
doing something to make your life interesting again.
And don’t fear the risks
for the great stories come with taking a risk.
Thank you.
(Applause)