So cosy.
Am I being held prisoner?
Eee, so scary.
(PD) I'm going to ask you a few questions and we will do an activity together.
Ok.
On a scale of 1-10, how satisfied are you with your life right now?
Oh, wow! Good question.
I would say... a 7.
I feel that there are things in my life that could be better.
I think I could be doing more with my life.
7.
I feel like I have quite a number of things going for me which are part of the plan.
6?
I've lost contact with a lot of friends because they are busy getting married...
(busy with) their friends or work...
For people watching TSL, I feel like they've seen me grow,
but it comes with a lot of responsibilities.
Having so much stress now is making me less happy.
Have you ever thought about...
death?
What is this?!
People often talk about death as something scary, but for me...
if it happens, it happens.
I'm not someone who is afraid of death.
All my friends are settling down and getting married,
but I'm... a single pringle.
Honestly, if death were to come right now, I would be perfectly fine.
I don't think about it because death is so scary.
And I feel like I'm still quite young.
I'm scared, but I don't fear it that much.
I'm still... a bit young and stupid.
(PD) Imagine... Tomorrow you will die.
Oh, no. Ok.
Do you think you will have any regrets if you were to die tomorrow?
Ah, that's so tough.
The most cliche part is not telling my parents how much I love them.
Right off the bat... This is pretty sudden and I didn't have time to consider this.
Certain thank yous and sorrys that I didn't say...
I've never really been on a date before.
I've always been very curious about what it's like...
when two people who are very interested in each other...
can go out and spend time together.
Unless you can develop a time machine of some sort to change the past,
but there's no way you can change the past and the only way to go is forward.
(PD) How do you think your family, friends and co-workers will react?
Whoa... How will they react?
I hope I will be missed and remembered.
Right now I'm not sure what people would remember me for...
so leave it in the comments below!
I honestly just want people to think...
'Fauzi was good'. Full stop.
My team - the editorial team - they are very outstanding individuals.
They will survive fantastically without me.
I feel like my mum will blame herself.
I remember that I broke down to her after my 'A'-levels.
I said I was not confident about getting into a university.
And she said that it was her fault.
"If only I taught you better."
"If only I was more educated."
I was really sad at that part, because...
My mum is not very educated.
So I feel like...
Aiyo! I feel like...
If I died tomorrow, she will...
She will blame herself.
Today, you're going to write and read out...
your own eulogy.
- (PD) Do you know what's that? - Yes.
A eulogy is something people say when someone dies.
Usually, it talks about something they remember (the deceased) for.
(PD) Typically, someone will write it for you.
- But this time... - I'm writing it for myself.
My gosh.
Wow. This is a heavy topic... Let me think.
It's so awkward.
This is so hard.
Is there even a template?
I'm going to take off my watch and put it down first.
How do you even start?
Ok!
Ugh, so sad.
I'm a little emotional.
Ok! So I'm here, and this is my body.
(Clears throat)
"Chris did the best he could."
"He didn't always do what others liked, but he always did what he thought was right."
"Fauzi was a good son, brother, friend, partner..."
"And an overall ok guy."
Hopefully, people would feel that I'm a good...
Fill in the blanks - what kind of relationship we had.
"This is a letter of thank yous and goodbyes."
"To those who do not know me, but are present enough to be hearing this..."
"John, in life, was a person with many question marks."
"Mainly because he was more often a mess than put together."
"Xenia is a bubbly human being..."
"... and even though she is no longer here with us today..."
"Don't worry - she is having fun wherever she is, as always."
"Through the different phases of his life, he always kept to himself."
"But that allowed him to focus on giving what he could to the people around him."
"Whether it was Chalit from primary school, with whom he played Quest For Glory over the phone..."
"or Jerel in secondary school..."
"or the many, many army friends that he had..."
"or the people in TSL..."
I didn't write that. Because I forgot about the people in TSL.
"Thank you for being you."
"Thank you for the difficult people and dark times."
"You helped me become more interesting than I really am."
"Thank you for the heartbreaks."
"You helped me shield myself, or at least learn how to appear ok."
"Xenia is never that A-star daughter that scores distinction or comes home by 10 pm."
"But she works hard to become someone her parents are proud of."
"Contrary to what the people who watch him on YouTube or Instagram might think of him...
"Chris would want to be remembered as being fiercely loyal,
...and having principles he never gave up on."
"Don't waste time on blaming the people in life,
...or yourself for the failures and mistakes."
"Look at the situation and think of how you could make the best out of it."
"Thank you."
"Thank you to fear; you helped me say and do things I could not."
"Thank you to death...
... you taught me how small the universe is when I stood to face you."
"Eulogies are for the living, and for the living I have this to say...
... live, and make this living life you still have as unforgettable as the one I hope I had."
"So that when we meet again,
... your pages are coloured, and we have a good story to tell."
I think that (this) has made me think about the things I appreciate.
Here, in my heart, but I don't say out.
I forget that these are the people I'm super thankful for.
It helped me consolidate my thoughts a little more.
I thought that this was super intimate and I'm glad that I got to share some parts of me with you.
When I talked about Chalit playing Quest For Glory with me in Primary 2,
he introduced this game to me.
So he'd call me, walk me through, and I'd play the game.
It really helped to build a connection that people now don't have.
And that's something that I miss.
(There was) nothing about being a really good actress or host was being written in this script,
because what matters to me are the relationships that I had in my life.
I hope that my dad and mum will watch this so that I don't have to tell them again.
I love you, Ma and Pa!
It's easy to lose your way or your direction...
but when you recalibrate it with death,
It becomes very obvious what kind of direction you need to take.
Even if it's small little steps.
As long as I know that I've been living my best life...
I think that's the most I could ever ask for.