Listen, you deserve a man who loves you,
respects you, and cherishes you,
do not settle for less.
So, please understand if he does
any of the things I’m going to mention in this video,
it is time to let him go.
This whole thing down
and we're going to start with
some major red flags
you need to look for in men, all right.
And now let me just also mention
I’m going to say some things
you're probably not expecting, all right.
And some things you probably are going to expect.
But either way, comment below
tell me what you think some of the red flags are,
but let's get to it.
Red flag number one in men to look for.
He asks you to go 50-50 on the bills.
Now listen,
I'm joking and I'm kind of not joking, okay.
Let me break this down for you.
So, now clearly
asking you to go 50-50
is a relationship thing
and we've gone past the dating phase,
but let's start with the dating phase.
You go on a date
let's say a man ask you out on a date
and this man is asking you
at the end of the night
to now split the bill with him
or to even cover the bill with him.
This is a red flag to me.
Now, here's the thing,
it's not that I think it's wrong
if a woman decides
she wants to pay for a date.
Not that I'm telling you, you should
that's your decision, okay.
Nothing wrong
if you've decided you want to go Dutch
whatever the case may be
if you offer to cover the tip
I always say that's a great thing
just offering to pay for the tip.
All those things okay,
but we're talking about this man
took it upon himself
to ask you on a date
and then ask you to either go half
or pay for the date.
Here's the thing, no man
who is serious or trying to impress a woman
is going to be taking the risk
of asking her to go half.
I’m not saying it's impossible
for a man to like a woman and do that,
but it is extremely unlikely, all right.
Because men understand that
when they find something or find a woman
that they value or see value in
that they highly desire,
they're trying to make sure
they give themselves the best chance
of moving forward with that woman
in whatever direction they're trying to go
So, men inherently know
pulling a move like that
it's like it's probably going to work against you.
So, the fact that he's willing to do that says
he probably is not taking
this situation that serious.
But let's move on into
now maybe let's say
he didn't do that in the first date.
Let's say he took care of it you guys
you know got to know each other
you liked each other,
now you get in a relationship
or you're about to get into one.
And whether it's
you guys have discussed getting into it
or you're now there.
At some point he talks about
going 50-50.
Now listen, I think it's very smart
very wise for a woman to discuss these things
in the dating process.
To find out what kind of
mindset this man has
and how he goes about the finances
in a relationship.
Now, let me make clear it's not that
I’m like completely against the idea
that two people decide with each other
that they want to do 50-50.
Now, personally I do believe in the man
being the protector and the provider.
I personally don't believe in
asking the woman to pay 50-50.
And I think men should strive
to put themselves in a position
or have that flexibility,
but the reason why I
bring it up as a major red flag
and here is the caveat before I continue.
If he makes significantly more than you
or he has enough money
that he can easily cover the bills, all right.
That’s the important part
because if this man is genuinely
either, I don't want to say
broke, but let's just call it what it is.
Let's say he's broke,
or he generally just doesn't make that much,
but you guys have found love in each other
you two have agreed you want to
move forward with each other
and you guys agree that
going 50-50 is the best financial route
for right now until maybe
you guys get to a better place.
I can't knock that
because he's in a genuine place
where he can't do more than that.
I would still encourage any man
if you can't go better than 50-50
then make sure you are
still contributing to the relationship
in other ways that removes
some burden off of the woman,
but again, that's a fair scenario.
But we're talking about a scenario where
this guy is capable
he has it and he's still asking you for 50-50.
Now let me paint the picture very clearly
I’ve had situations where a client
let's say she was making 35,000 a year
the guy that she was with was making
85,000 dollars a year.
They move in together
and he asked her to go 50-50
to me, that's absolutely ridiculous
and a huge red flag
because when a man has it
and he is truly in love with a woman,
truly into that woman,
truly serious about that woman
he wants to do for her, all right.
If you survey men
who are genuinely serious about relationships
or serious about the women they're with
and again, they have the resources
they don't have an issue at least,
carrying the greater burden financially.
So, for that man
to be in a position where he can,
but he chooses not to
says to me
he is not that serious
about you in this relationship.
Some people may want to argue that
but I’m sorry I just have not found that.
The only, maybe...
What's the word, exception
took me a while to get it, exception to this is
he's being traumatized by
being used for his money before,
which you can still then argue
is he truly ready for a relationship
if he's now going to carry that
emotional trauma and baggage
into the relationship with you, all right.
But let's leave that exception to the side
and just go with no,
this guy just believe 50-50.
Now listen, here's the other
problem I have with 50-50.
There's a lot of problems I have with 50-50.
To me he's making 85 she's making 35
let's say the rent or the mortgage.
Let's say the rent is $1,000, all right.
Both of them contributing $500
is not 50-50 to me
because one makes more money than the other
50-50 to me real genuine equality
in that dynamic would be
20% percent of our income
20% percent of his income.
Something of that nature where it's
the percentage of income.
So, now, the burden
of the financial contribution
is more equal
rather than she's taking a
bigger chunk out of her money
and to him that 500 dollars is nothing, all right.
So again, I don't want to
drag too deep into this
or go too deep into this right now,
but I do believe
again, there is a real concern
when a man who is in a position
to take care of that woman
or again, at least, carry the burden
a greater burden maybe it's 70-30
whatever those two people
want to agree upon.
If he's not even willing to do that
how serious is he about you?
And it's typical from what I have seen
that the man who is
asking this woman to go 50-50
when again, he is capable
of at least carrying a heavier burden financially.
When you evaluate the overall relationship
there's other issues.
There's other things he's not doing,
there's other ways he's being inconsiderate,
there’s other ways he's neglecting the woman,
which all plays the fact
he's just not that serious about her.
But I guarantee if he was
madly in love with that woman
it would be a completely different story.
So again, this is something that
you should discuss
as early as possible
because you don't want to wait
till you're in that dynamic
in that situation to now find out
this is how he feels about you, okay.
You want to talk about it
because most men,
it's rare for a man
to say in the dating process oh yeah,
I'll take care of the bills and this and that
and then turn around and say no, it's 50-50
that's typically not going to happen.
I'm not saying it never happened,
but it's typically not going to happen.
So, he will show his cards
if you're willing to ask the right questions.
So, you've got to dig deep and find out
where he stands with that
because again,
it may seem like an insignificant issue.
And for those of you who say
well, I have no problem
giving my half, that's cool.
But his mindset on this
speaks to a larger issue at hand
and can be a huge red flag.
So, let's get to number two,
number two is
he isn't willing to discuss issues, all right.
So, I can't tell you how many times
I have posted a video,
posted a quote, whatever
talking about the need to talk to your partner
and express yourself
and women will comment saying
well, what's the point I can't talk to him
he never listens.
And my true genuine response to them is
then why the hell are you with him?
Like, I don't get it,
if you cannot talk to this man,
if you have made several attempts
and he shuts you down,
he is dismissive,
he dances around this topic
he deflects,
you simply cannot communicate with him
why are you still there?
The reality is that this is a huge red flag
simply because there is no way
you can have a successful
healthy relationship
with a man who is unwilling
to communicate with you.
Now granted, I understand
some men have a struggle with opening up
and communicating.
But let's start with
is he even willing to listen to you
because in this example that I’m giving
this man is shutting the woman down
over and over and over
not even allowing for her
to express herself.
That's a huge problem
and again, it's a problem
because without communication
how can we overcome these issues
how can we solve these problems,
how can we get on the same page
as well as
for you to have to be in a relationship
a committed relationship where
you're pouring into this man
but you feel unheard
you're going to start feeling devalued,
you're going to start to feel disrespected,
you're going to start to resent him.
It's going to create a lot of
negative and toxic energy
then, whether it's consciously or sub-consciously
you're going to start to retaliate.
You're going to start to act out,
you may start to withhold intimacy,
you may start to
speak more disrespectfully to him,
you may start to be more shut down with him,
things that are only going
to make matters worse.
And the sad reality is that
many of you or
you know many other people
who've done just that
and who have tried to
drag along these types of relationships
for months for years
and continue on.
Again, it is very important
that there's an established environment
of communication
and openness and transparency
and that has to begin in the dating phase.
You don't wait
till you guys are in an official relationship,
you don't wait till you get married
to try to figure out if you can
talk to each other.
You've got to figure that out while dating.
You got to get deeper into each other
while dating and I think
one of the problems is that
so many individuals
and this may apply to you
are so afraid to be vulnerable
so afraid to open up
and show themselves
that they restrict the ability
to go into in depth conversation
while in the dating process.
And instead, they remain
on the surface of the relationship
just enjoying it getting along.
Again, we have fun together
and maybe you guys are having sex
and is great sex whatever the case may be.
And you're letting that be the reason why
you can push forward,
but you're not actually allowing yourself
to let the guard down at least enough,
which I think you should let the guard down completely,
but that's another video I'll explain more in depth.
But let it down at least enough
to dive deeper into each other
to see can we even talk about
the deeper... Have the deeper discussions
can we talk about the things that maybe a little are...
Maybe are a little bit uncomfortable at times,
it's important that we explore that
so we know are we with someone
that we can really talk to
because if not,
it's just not going to work.
And so, if he's unwilling to communicate,
he's unwilling to hear you out
then this is a huge red flag
you need to be aware of.
So now number three,
number three is
he doesn't want to give you a title.
Now listen, some of you all might be saying
titles ain't important
what's the big deal?
You know as long as we love each other
blah, blah, blah, all right.
Listen, it's extremely important again,
the title is important because
it's about the message it is sends
and it's about the mindset of the individual
when they don't want to give you one.
I’ve seen so many people
drag along in titleless relationships,
situationships, all right.
Not truly knowing
what this is
and nothing truly being defined.
And then seeing that
lack of definition
blow up in their face later
when they actually seek
a more...
Seek some clarity on the situation
when the women now goes to the man
and says okay, what are we doing here?
And he's like yo,
we're just enjoying ourselves like,
I never told you, you're my girlfriend,
I never told you I have
plans for you to be my wife.
I never told you anything
other than let's just have fun,
let's just go with the flow
you know, whatever.
So, you are only playing yourself
when you allow yourself to
go without the title.
My thing is this,
for those who say it's not a big deal
if is not a big deal then why not give it.
If it's really not that serious
then why is it so hard to simply say
officially you're my girlfriend,
you well my man,
we are in a committed relationship.
Is that really that hard to verbalize?
Is that really that hard
to put a stamp on?
I don't think so.
So, when you are unwilling to do that,
it speak to the fact that
you are trying to leave the door open.
In most cases, that's what's going on.
You're leaving the door open
for other possibilities,
you are not trying to be
held to certain standards.
And I was speaking about
the men or even the women,
but this is for women.
So, the man who
is unwilling to give definition to the relationship
that's typically what is.
Now, I have come across scenarios where
some men have expressed to me where
they've been traumatized
where they were dating a woman
and they felt like the minute the title on it
everything went left, all right.
And I’m not saying that,
that wasn't a genuine experience that happened,
meaning that it honestly happened in their life.
And I’m not saying that they aren't
honestly traumatized, okay.
I believe that, that can happen.
However, again,
that speaks to unresolved trauma
and that means are you truly
ready then to be
in any kind of relationship
if you're still holding on to
what happened in the past?
You need to resolve that.
And so, as the woman who is
dating that man possibly,
he can't just use that
as a scapegoat and an excuse.
He has to face his issue
and he has to be willing
to now give you the title.
Now, here's the thing.
If you are a woman that knows
you want a title,
please do not comp...
But not even, it's not even a compromise.
Please do not sacrifice
the need to have some kind of definition,
some kind of clarity to the relationship.
Because you trying to act like you're okay
for the sake of holding on to him
is only going to destroy you
slowly but surely from the inside.
It's only going to cause you to become miserable
and again, create insecurities,
create other issues.
And then what you don't realize is
your struggle to handle that
because it's going to come to the surface
some way somehow.
Your struggle to handle that
and now sip out in a negative way
it's only going to add more damage
to the relationship.
And so, now what will happen is
he will use those moments of acting out
and your moments of insecurity
against you to say,
this is why I don't want to be with you yet.
This is why I won't give you a tittle, you see.
He will use it against you
but that's because you played yourself
by trying to act like you were okay.
You should've been real from day one.
Now, I don't want you to beat yourself up
because some of you all might be
in that situation right now.
But I do want to encourage you
to stand in your truth,
be real about what you want.
But understand when he is
unwilling to give you a title,
that is a red flag
you have to be mindful of.
Hey, thank you for watching this video.
Be sure to check this one out right here
and I'll see you there.