this episode is sponsored by the online
mental health service better help calm I
love working with their therapists on my
personal challenges and I love that they
increase accessibility to professional
care for you
what causes fetishes why are some people
really into rubber how does someone get
off dressed like an adult baby i'm dr.
lindsey doe clinical sexologist doctor
of human sexuality and host of this sex
curious show let me explain fetishes
sexual attraction to an inanimate object
or a body part think feet clothing
rubber leather urine feces I'm not
talking about fondness for these things
or a preference for them but a
requirement for the object of desire to
be present in fantasy or in reality in
order to achieve sexual gratification
can't get it up or get it off without
fill in the blank diversity is one
explanation we all get turned on by
different stimuli simple in the words of
prominent psychologist Magnus Hirschfeld
the number fetishes is unlimited from
head to toe there is not a single spot
on the body and from hats to shoes there
is no fold in a garment that cannot
trigger a fetishistic pleasure maybe
people are just creative another
possible cause of fetishes is divergent
thinking divergent thinkers are curious
they come up with a question like what
is my penis getting hard and then they
start exploring possible solutions
unlike convergent thinkers who stick to
facts in an article published by the
British society for phenomenology Frank
shala proposes that fantasy must be
coupled with quote in carnality or
embodiment so essentially divergent
thinkers in their far-reaching
imaginations develop fetishes as a
reference point for reality kind of like
the totem in Inception
lunes glasses dolls you know where you
hope this train will take you but you
can't know for sure yet it doesn't
matter one of the most widely known
hypotheses is that fetishes are caused
by early childhood conditioning operant
conditioning that the inanimate object
or body parts strengthens sexual arousal
for example pleasure philia arousal from
stuffed animals if a person rubs their
genitals on a toy and it feels good all
soft and squishy this can positively
reinforce doing it again again and again
voila a fetish for plushies may ensue
classical conditioning is when something
typically non-sexual is paired with
something arousing enough times that the
non
thing becomes a trigger for the arousal
all on its own
take for example you prokta philia a
fetish for flatulence
let's say a person masturbates and gets
aroused a fart and they don't get
aroused then they masturbate and they
fart at the same time the arousal from
the masturbating is paired with the
farting until eventually when they fired
separate from masturbating ejaculate in
their pants potentially conditioning of
this kind can create such a powerful
connection that the person can't come
without farting fart noises fart smells
etc JD Foust and colleagues saw a
version of this known as the Matta to
sensory conditioning in rats put half of
their male rats and jackets for them to
have sex in and half wit without jackets
he repeated jacket sex no jacket sex
repeat repeat then they tested the rats
sexual performance rats who'd had sex
without jackets and were tested without
them got on no problem same with rats
wearing jackets tested with jackets on
and even those who started without
jackets but wore jackets during the
testing however the rat sex trained with
jackets who didn't wear jackets during
the test were noticeably less likely to
seek out sex or ejaculate I wonder if
fetishes aren't the result of behaviors
that serve this species we evolved from
but are now less practical vestigial
explanation I was recently told that
newborn puppies aren't very hard to
clean up after because the mother
stimulates them by licking their
genitals and anus to expel urine and
feces into her mouth how does this
relate there's a fetish around urine
called euro Liang Jia and one for feces
called copper philia maybe fetishes like
these are vestigial maybe at one point
in our evolution poop and pee were
closely related to genital and anal
stimulation for hygiene or nutrition but
they aren't now maybe fetishes are
caused by a genetic mutation that
reactivates this part of the genome to
express a biological drive to ingest
urine there are actually many hypotheses
that suggest fetishes have a biological
origin cortical homunculus or cortex man
is a map of how the brain manages the
body the genitals are next to the feet
so if there's any overlap or crossover
in these areas you may develop a foot
fetish then there's the older-brother
hypothesis researchers studied 200
heterosexual men and found paraphilias
atypical attractions including
fetishes were more likely in men who
quote had a significantly greater number
of older brothers this is often
attributed to the effect success of male
offspring have on the mothers hormones
John Money a psychologist who studied
sexual and gender identity believe that
fetishes are caused by vandalised
regions of one's love map according to
money each of us has a blueprint of our
ideal erotic scenario if something
distorts it like abuse or arousal from a
non-sexual childhood experience it could
lead to a fetish compensation proposes
that fetishes are formed when people
can't access traditional outlets for
sexual arousal because of self-doubt
shame embarrassment and or feared they
miss out on socially acceptable sexual
gratification and compensate by getting
off with inanimate objects that won't
intimidate or reject them this reminds
me of crash fetes ism or sexual arousal
from crushing objects like insects
grapes cake lizards if I didn't have a
partner to play with I can imagine it
would be really satisfying to smash
frosting around with a dildo no
negotiating no game playing just
unadulterated sticky sex not animals
though fresh ice make tea one
explanation for fetishes that I haven't
found in the literature but hypothesize
could cause them is ironic rebound or
ironic process theory generally this
refers to how the more we try to
suppress the thought the more likely it
is to persist don't think of a pink
elephant or a white bear and then all
you can think of is the elephant or the
bear if we're raised not to touch
mommy's fancy dresses or wear her
high-heeled shoes doesn't it become the
one thing we can't resist doing the most
transvestite fetishism one of the most
common fetishes there is refers to
sexual arousal from wearing the clothes
traditionally associated with another
gender for pleasure
maybe this is ironic rebound maybe
imitation emulating someone or something
that's familiar attractive or beneficial
in some way there are other suspected
causes for people having fetishes
Hirschfeld theory of partial
attractiveness braids out of his complex
winnicott's theory of transitional
objects that the things we associate
with becoming an adult are what we
sexually get aroused by adult diaper
lovers would point to comfort making
messes and controlling humiliation
there isn't conclusive data on any of
these explanations i postulate a
combination of some of them
be that fetishes are as natural as
appetite and the actual deviation from
the norm is the obsession with limiting
sexual desire and expression they
curious better help has licensed
counselors and therapists who can help
you unpack your sexuality fetishes or
otherwise I recommend that if you're
struggling with something for more than
six months and it's causing you to
stress acting your job relationships or
personal well-being it's time to ask for
help when you sign up if better help
calm explanations you'll be matched with
a counselor certified by their states
board to provide therapy and counseling
by phone video calls emails or text
messages to clients all over the world
if you find that they're a great match
awesome if not or you aren't sure you
can click change counselor and this time
better help will show you multiple pros
you can choose from there's financial
aid if cost as a burden but the most
you'll be charged is sixty five dollars
per week and this includes group webinar
sessions for bonus help on topics like
relationships and overcoming anxiety
better help is not a crisis line if you
are in crisis I've linked to more
appropriate resources in the description
better help complex explanations
[Laughter]
[Music]
got it