Transcriber: Courtney Le Reviewer: David DeRuwe
Hello, my name is Simon Link,
and I think that making people laugh is really fun.
I would like to share with you how I got inspired to make people laugh.
I got inspired by my dad
because he's funny and makes me laugh all the time.
I also got inspired from my grandpa because he tells funny stories.
I think that people like to laugh
because it's really fun and makes people feel happy.
You should make people laugh because it makes them feel happy.
It also makes them feel better when they are crying.
You may want to make people laugh because it can get you new friends.
You feel happy when you make people laugh.
I want everyone in my school to laugh, so I'm going to do this thing
called "The Joke of the Day,"
where every Monday someone goes on the announcements and tells a joke.
This would be a good idea because it connects to having wonderful ideas
because it's a good idea, but kids will also think of them as jokes.
It also connects to empathy and caring because you make people feel better
because you care for them.
Now I'm going to try and make you laugh a little bit.
(Laughter)
What do people from the olden days say when they see something funny?
(Audience) What?
Simon Link: That's historical!
(Laughter)
Why did the farmer name his pig "Ink"?
(Audience) Why?
SL: Because it kept running out of the pen!
(Laughter)
SL: Why did the elephant cross the road?
(Audience) Why?
SL: Because the chicken was on vacation!
(Laughter)
The other day my teacher asked me, "If you have one dollar
and asked your dad for another dollar, how much money would you have?"
I said, "One dollar."
My teacher said, "Sorry son, it seems as if you don't know your addition."
I said, "I know addition, but you don't know my dad!"
(Laughter)
(Applause)
One time I asked my teacher, "You punish people for things they didn't do?"
The teacher said, "No! Of course not!"
I said, "Good, because I didn't do my homework!"
(Laughter)
(Applause)
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoelaces together?
(Audience) What?
SL: They had a class trip!
(Laughter)
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A pork chop.
(Laughter)
Why do bees have sticky hair?
(Audience) Why?
SL: Because they use honey combs.
(Laughter)
How do you make a tissue dance?
(Audience) Oh no.
SL: You put a little boogie in it.
(Laughter)
(Applause)
Last night I had a dream that I ate a 30-pound marshmallow.
When I woke up, my pillow was gone!
(Laughter)
This summer I got a little injured and I had to have stiches in my lip.
My lip was all swollen and big.
It looked like I was about to kiss someone!
Do you know what my cousin wanted to call me?
(Audience) What?
SL: Smoochie!
(Laughter)
I was thinking when people asked me how I got stitches in my lip,
I wouldn't tell them how it actually happened.
So here are some things I would tell them.
My brother was fishing and he swung back and the hook hooked onto my lip.
Then he swung it forward, and it threw me into the ocean!
Then, I went bonkers and tried to kiss a shark.
(Laughter)
The shark bit my lip and threw me to land.
Or ... it happened like this.
I was cutting some tomatoes and I accidentally swung
the knife too high and it knocked my eye out
and my eye scraped my lip.
You may be wondering why I still have two eyes.
It's because I got my eyes sewed back to my brain.
(Laughter)
One time, I was minding my own business, combing my hair in the bathroom.
And my dad comes in and shouted, "Boo!"
It scared me so much that it made me throw the comb.
The comb bounced off the mirror
and landed in the kitty litter box in the bathtub.
What is the skeleton's favorite instrument?
(Audience) What?
SL: The trombone.
(Laughter)
When my grandpa was little, he wasn't very smart.
(Laughter)
He had a lamp in his house that had four lights in it.
One of the bulbs was missing.
His parents told him never to stick his finger in the socket.
He needed to know why,
so he stuck a metal hairpin in it and got shot across the room
and slammed into the wall!
(Laughter)
Another time his uncle told him never to go behind the cow and pull its tail.
As I said before, he needed to know why.
So, you may be thinking this will be going badly.
You may be right.
He went behind the cow, pulled its tail, and got kicked into a pile of cow manure!
(Laughter)
Thank you. I hope I've inspired you to make people laugh.
They say laughter is the best medicine. Go forth and make someone laugh today.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
(Applause)
(Cheers)