See, this is why Spider-Man’s not as cool as Batman.
Batman would’ve messed that guy up, dropped him from a balcony.
The fall wouldn’t kill him from that height, but that’s what Batman would be counting
on.
Spider-Man just throws a little bitch fit.
And he spells his name with a hyphen, which is completely unnecessary.
See, this is why Spider-Man’s not as cool as Batman.
It’s The Amazing Spider-Man 2.
So we’re veering dangerously close to How To Train Your Dragon 2 territory.
Which is to say, this is the third version of this goddamn game I’ve had to review.
First, the PlayStation 3, then the Xbox 360…now the Wii U. Fortunately, it’s a much better
game than How To Train Your Dragon 2, but is that even something to celebrate?
That’s like the guy who dances in the endzone when his team’s down by 40.
Dude, your team’s down by 40.
Maybe save the riverdance for when, you know, you’re not down by 40.
You know, it was hard to come up with anything to say about this game the first time.
Three times in, I got nothing.
‘Cause the game’s got nothing, either.
This is every Spider-Man game you’ve ever played, all chopped up and condensed into
the most generic Spider-Man game you’ve ever played.
City overworld, swing around, set waypoints, go to missions…
There’s also a combat minigame.
Okay, forget the combat minigame.
And I mean, it’s not that it’s bad.
It’s incredibly tired, and played out…but if all you want is another Spider-Man game,
hey…this is another Spider-Man game.
The city is huge, and it’s fun to swing around and run up the skyscrapers…at least
for a little while.
Once the novelty wears off—and after ten years of doing it, the novelty is wearing
off—all you’re left with is…
Another Spider-Man game.
Another beat ‘em up trying really hard to be the Batman games.
Only Spider-Man’s not as…look, we’ve been through this.
So how does it play?
Well, it’s like cold meatloaf.
You can eat it, it’s not going to hurt you you, but…I don’t know, it’s cold meatloaf.
How good can it be?
Fighting is all about mashing buttons until you have to counter, and stringing together
combos.
Swinging is all about…swinging.
It’s supposedly been improved this time, you can use both hands, but…
I don’t know, it’s cold meatloaf.
And I mean, the city’s pretty much empty, which is one of the reasons the swinging loses
its luster.
Jungle gyms are great, but not when you’re alone.
You still need something to do.
The game gives you some petty crimes to stop, like side missions, but even that gets repetitive.
‘Cause the crimes are about as similar as the people committing them.
There’s actually a solid core here.
It’s the reason these games haven’t changed much since 2004 or whatever.
Swinging around, beat ‘em up action…you can build from that.
Sometimes, the Spider-Man games do.
Sometimes, they don’t, they just…leave it at that.
That’s what this one does.
There’s not really much thought in terms of its design, you know?
And it’s not especially well made, either.
I mentioned this before, but I remember liking the original game.
It feels like this sequel isn’t as polished, though.
There are things like glitches, and bad AI…interactive dialogue that doesn’t go anywhere, or affect
anything…
And the presentation’s kind of mixed, too.
I mean, there are times when it’s pretty…but in general, it’s not that pretty.
Terrible texture pop-in, and the sound’s basically forgettable.
You know, the weird thing about video games is that, no matter how bad they are…there’s
always someone who loves them.
And I mean, if you’re a huge Spider-Man fan who just wants an okay Spider-Man game…like,
that’s what this is.
And you’ll probably have a good time with it, and that’s awesome.
But I can’t pretend it’s anything more than just…
Another okay Spider-Man game.
And even that might be a stretch.
On the Wii U, you at least have the GamePad, for the map and off-screen play…but aside
from that, it’s the same.
No different from the other versions.
Or…other Spider-Man games.
Time to change it up, Pete.
It’s The Amazing Spider-Man 2.