*Waphoosh!*
Top of the morning to ya laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye
and welcome back to The Sims 4!
Where my house is an absolute mess.
Little Abigail is on her phone at the sink.
Wash the damn dishes!
Dad, you gotta go take a shower.
You're stinking and you're stressed out
and the mom is absolutely yelling the SHIT out of little Billy here.
THAT part is good. :)
Ohh, that's it. Wash away that stress.
Ahh, just let the hot water brush all over your face.
And wash it all away.
Ooh! Mama's angry!
She's about to kick the shit out of these kids!
We gotta... we gotta calm her down. Go to the mirror.
Go to the mirror and calm down. Try to calm down, GO MOM.
Look at this for a walk!
She is READY for BUSINESS!
She's like, "NO. Fuck all you guys!"
Her mind is exploding right now.
What's up, mom? You wanna go?
You wanna do a little "No Pants Party" with dad? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Yeah? OH!
Sit down, put your hand on her good thighs!
...You guys talking about books, and computers?
*flabbergasted by lack of sexual interest between each other*
What a BORING couple!
Billy what're you doing?
Billy is eating his food in the most ANGRY way possible.
Look at that face!
He wants to FUCK SHIT UP!
*villainy intensifies*
Should I just go balls to the wall with this series?
I feel like I'm taking it a bit too liberally where I'm just doing like... day-to-day stuff,
and not actually messing around, or like
using cheats or doing anything crazy.
Y'know what I think I'm gonna do?
I think I'm gonna kill both of my kids.
There! I just got rid of both doors in my kids' bedrooms.
Now they can't get out.
HA!
They're stuck in there forever!
Except she's got food.
She has fish tacos in her room, GOD DAMMIT, MOM!
Why'd you leave fish tacos lying around?!
Dad, it's almost 11PM
and you need a motherfuckin' bath.
Take a bubble bath, calm down, relax the tits.
What is going on over here?
DID YOU SEE THAT?
He just did a gang symbol!
And he slipped her, like, a little bag and she ran away.
Those guys are doing ALL the drugs.
Look at him trying to be all nonchalant about it.
BREAK YOURSELF, FOOL! *police sirens*
*doesn't give a shit about it*
They don't give a shit.
Aw my god, my toilet is stinkin'!
That's 'cause little Abigail was in here
and she took the world's BIGGEST dump!
She took a LARGE shit for such a small little girl.
But it's okay!
In a few days she will be DEAD.
Along with Billy
'cause I'm sick of looking after the kids.
I want it to just be Mom and Dad, we're gonna make our own baby.
We're gonna make a WHOLE NEW baby.
We're gonna bring it into the new world,
the new BOSS world.
Are you sitting on that nasty toilet?
I wouldn't.
You're gonna get SO many diseases.
I hope you're covering up your ass.
I hope you're hovering
and you're not just sitting directly on the bowl.
'Cause that's a bit nasty.
YOU MADE IT WORSE!
You know what? NO. You shit in the toilet, you CLEAN the toilet.
That's it. ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES
and scrub the shit out of that toilet.
S-so how was the rest of your day?
Good?
I had a good day at work.
It was nice.
You're doing a fine job.
It's a great job, you're almost done, it's fine.
Just... just breathe through your mouth.
I mean, at least then you won't smell it as much.
AAAHHHHH, SPARKLIN'.
Look at that, you can eat your dinner off it!
...Could I eat my dinner off it?
Okay, so what we're gonna do is everyone is gonna go to sleep now.
Time will pass very very quickly.
The two kids are gonna die.
That's just the way it is.
I'm sorry if some of you don't like that,
but that's the way it's gotta be.
The kids gotta die, man.
Steve, you're fine. You can go to the bathroom.
Billy, you're just gonna have to piss your pants right there in your room!
*demonic voice* Or should I call it your GRAVE?
There's icky toilet water. Steve, play in it!
*laughing* He's like a five year old!
Yaaay, puddles!
Now you're gonna have to mop it. *laughing*
So after my kids are dead, me and mom...
I'm gonna use some cheats,
and we're gonna get a lot of money
and me and mom are gonna splash out in a GIGANTIC house together.
And we're gonna be all happy together without kids.
It's GREAT!
HAHAHA, Billy pissed his pants.
Haha... STUPID BILLY.
How long does it take for them to die?
DO they die?
"Derpin'?" Shut up!
I HOPE they die.
I wanna get rid of the kids.
Well dear, I'm off to work, see ya later.
No kiss on the cheek or nothing?
Just you eating lunch outside and Steve just runs to work.
Oh, what's that? The kids are late for school?
Yeah, well they're late for DYING as well.
You know what, mom? We don't need them.
We don't need them. Let's go outside and meet some people.
Oh, work for Betty starts in about an hour!
Betty's FINALLY going to work!
That means I have the kids all to myself.
Hey... hi...
My name's Betty.
How are you?
...Yeah, and then what happened?
Okay, but THEN what happened?
...Yeah, but I feel like you're not getting to the point. WE'RE GOING IN CIRCLES!
She looks BAKED off her tits.
*high off her tits* I have no idea what you're saying...
But it's... wonderful.
Okay, stop talking to Hope.
YOU GET THE-- Go away now, please!
Do not sit down here!
Occupatto!
Mom, it's time to go to work!
Look at that proud saunter
that she has going on.
She is feeling good about herself!
She is an... EMPOWERED woman!
She's... disappeared. She's gone to work.
*demonic voice* Now I have you ALL to myself.
What am I supposed to do while they're all at work?
*crickets chirping* Hello?
*echoing* Helloooo?
I'm gonna check... my own phone
while this shit is going on.
Twitter's a... HOOT N' A HOLLER!
Just so you guys don't get too comfortable here,
I'm taking away EVERYTHING.
And you guys are basically gonna be in little tiny cells.
Theeere we go.
Die kiddies!
*demon voice* DIIIEE!
I"m making my sims rich.
Oh, so rich.
So rich. If only it was this easy in real life!
Hey, Mom's home from her first day at work!
Don't mind those guys.
Those guys are in time out.
Damn it! Everything's all pixelated and I can't see anything!
She's MY damn wife!
Let me have a peek!
Steve,
*laughing*
isn't life so much easier when you don't have kids around?
I mean, I can still hear them.
*kids moaning*
Aw, yeah, I can still hear them.
But I mean, it's great. They're not in the way anymore.
"Abby is very hungry. Be sure to feed her..."
"...before she gets taken away."
I like the way it doesn't say that they're gonna DIE,
it just says, "before she gets taken away~"
"Billy's late for school."
Who cares?
*laughing*
Betty takes the food and it's like she eating it right there in front of them, like...
*evil mom voice* You want some, kids?
You're not getting any!
*demonic voice* IT'S ALL MAMA'S NOW.
I may be getting a little bit TOO MUCH into the whole killing my children thing...
But who cares, it's fun.
*Abby poofs out of existence*
OH!
OOH!
Abby's gone!
*shocked laughing* She just disappeared!
Nothing ACTUALLY happened!
I was just sitting here,
fast-forwarding through time and she disappeared.
She's gone... into the cosmos, into the ether.
She's fuckin' DEAD,
Thank god.
Billy!
That means you're a lonely child now!
But not for long...
BECAUSE HE'S GONNA BE DEAD.
I should've just been playing the game like this ALL ALONG.
I-I should... I'm not good for routine
and normality.
Jack is good when CRAZY shit is happenin'.
And killing people and making a gigantic house in their wake
is the best way.
"Amateur Night!" What?
"At last, Steve has found a REAL gig,
"well, okay, it's an amateur night and pretty much anyone with a pulse can perform,"
"but Steve is officially on the list."
"Should he invite friends or consider this a private test run?"
Um...
We'll go for a "private test run" at first.
Because it's not good for Steve to be performin'
his first time in front of all these people.
What's that, Billy?
Mommy can't hear you!
Awesome! So Steve is climbing the corporate ladder.
He's going to be the world's BEST entertainer.
AND THEN THERE WAS ONLY BILLY.
"Too Many Errors."
"Betty's boss is a bit of a diva,"
"but the latest story has some huge errors in it."
"Should Betty work late to make sure everything is fixed and perfect,"
"or just fix the most obvious ones and call it a day?"
We'll work hard.
Betty, you're gonna work hard. *Billy poofs out of existence*
BILLY'S GONE!
*horns sound* YES!
Oh, ALL of my problems are finally being solved!
Billy is dead!
He is no more.
I'M BEING SO RICH!
ALL the money for Jack!
Eh, I think that's a bit too much.
Here we go.
Now we are going to build the house of our dreams
that we couldn't build before
because our KIDS were in the way!
Okay ah... so, welcome to my new house.
It's a bit... bigger. Steve's been doing really, REALLY well at work.
Hold on a frickin' minute...
We gotta little problem here,
in Delta Squadron 6.
Fu-- THERE we go.
Okay, for some reason that wall wants to be a little bitch.
Okay, so I'm gonna give you a grand tour
Of the new house. We got-- we got two bathrooms.
I mean, one of them is very, VEERRY nice,
You come in, you wanna unwind,
you wanna sit down... you wanna relax.
You have a nice bath in here. Then you come over here,
This is where you do all your...
all your major peein',
all your major poopin' and your showers.
Just your quick ones.
You got a nice bedroom over here.
It's VEEERRY aristocratic.
We got a NICE living room here that has no TV in it yet,
but I'm on that!
Waiting for my promotion to come in!
Very, very nice rustic kitchen.
You're gonna cook up some nice meals in here,
and they're gonna have that very nice... *sniffs* rich, woody smell in them.
And then you got whatever the fuck this place is.
I just got it because I have a lot of money.
Ahh... we're gonna have
TWO TVs.
You know, just 'cause we CAN.
Because we have all the money and the technology.
Look at this fridge!
It looks like something out of Willy Wonka's!
Just occurred to me as well that we have nooo windows in the house.
That needs to be fixed.
These are-- these are all the summery areas,
where all the friends are gonna come along. We're gonna have NICE BARBECUES here.
Steve and Betty to go to
REALLY show their cooking skills to the neighbors.
It's gonna be amazing. Not sure about leaving wooden spoons and knives out there,
on the veranda like that, but it's-- it's okay.
And then this is where we're gonna grow old together.
Just sittin' here. Separate chairs, 'cause by the time we're 60 we're not gonna love each other anymore,
so she's gonna sit here and I'm gonna sit there.
It's gonna be a very nice relationship.
Not quite sure what I'm gonna do about the whole...
gigantic space in the middle of the house.
I mean, it's gonna be a bit harder to heat the whole place.
...And it's probably not cut down on my carbon emissions.
But that's fine. I mean, I didn't think about it when I was puttin' it together.
I'm just a man with a lot of money here.
I'm not an ARCHITECT.
Steve's home. Steve, check out the new house.
It looks a little different
from when you were at work, right?
I mean, a lot has changed.
But you've been doing SO well at work that the boss just decided, "Hey,"
"we'll remove your other house." It was like
that part in Up,
where they put all the balloons on it and your other house just lifted away.
And then they just put down this one.
Treat that nicely.
Treat that nicely!
Do NOT burn down my new kitchen. It's LITERALLY just installed!
NICE!
Not a thing was burnt that day, AND we have a dining room now.
We actually have a dining room to go in and eat our food.
Nobody eats in the kitchen anymore.
That is for PEASANTS.
Oooh, Betty's home! Betty!
Try out the new kitchen!
It's great isn't it? ...Steve?
Where did your bring your plate?
Do not eat in the sitting room!
Who do you think we are, CAVE TROLLS?
Oooh, they gave a nice hug-- SEE,
do you see? That's the first time they've hugged since I played this game.
And that's all 'cause the kids are dead. (RIP)
Aw, my god, that's a great cooking show, isn't it Steve.
It's one of my favorites.
Me and frickin'... Martha Stewart here.
Stuffin' a turkey's arse.
Good times. :)
OH? Oh, look at this!
OH, he dropped the hand.
Things are going MAGNIFICENTLY.
So proud of these guys, so proud of my family!
You guys are supposed to be married.
Why do I have to do the whole, like, chatting each other up thing?
Shouldn't I just be able to go, "Hey you. You and me. Bed. Right now."
Here we go. Here we go, here we go, here we go, HERE WE GO!
YEEAAAH! They are SO getting along here.
Look! She's talking about planes.
She's planning a trip to Italy already.
First they were talking together,
now they're shitting together.
That's how you know they're a good couple.
Couples who shit together...
stay together forever.
And off to bed they went
to dream together about sunshine and angels.
Well I'm gonna leave this video here!
All is right with my sims right now.
I was playing the game completely wrong.
Me trying to have a perfect family. Trying to play the game right.
Screw that! Kill people!
Make a giant house and get the best stuff ever.
Just have a lot of fun.
What was I doing before?
This is WAY more fun.
Anyway, THANK YOU guys so much for watching this episode!
If you liked it, PUNCH that like button IN THE FACE, LIKE A BOSS!!
And! High fives all around.
*Waphoosh!*
Thank you guys, and I will see all you dudes...
IN THE NEXT VIDEO!!!
*BOSS outro music*
*demonic voice* Deep in the night...
MOM'S LOOKING FOR SOME GRUB.